Stay(70)

“Emmy, no.” He holds me out, frustrated blue eyes meeting mine. He’s so handsome. “You are not moving out. I won’t let The Dick win.”

“Stephen, it’s time. I have my apartment for another week. It’s closer to work—”

“You are not going back to that rat trap in the Village.”

I give him a sad smile. “I won’t tell Lou you said that.”

“You know what I mean.” He starts to say more, but I hold up a hand, cutting him off.

“It’s time to stop pretending. I need to go back to where I belong.”

“Where you belong…” His jaw tightens, and I feel his frustration. “You and Eli belong here with me.”

“Not after tonight, not with everyone saying I’m a whore.”

His voice rises. “If one of those assholes ever dares say that—”

“Most of them are your family and friends.”

“I don’t know half of them.”

“They know you. And the way they looked at me…” Shuddering, I remember the old women pulling their wraps tighter over their shoulders and turning away in horror. I remember the young women glaring at me with disgust. I remember the older men looking at me with either lust or curiosity.

Shivering, I push their faces out of my mind. “Ethan asked us to move to Seattle.”

When I look up again, Stephen’s old scowl is back. “Move to Seattle? When?”

“He suggested it last week when I told him about the surgery, when he couldn’t get here for it. It would be a fresh start for us.” Turning away, I place a palm against my stomach. “My lease is up in a week, and I’ve decided we’re going to do it.”

Silence is at my back, and I’m not sure I can turn around and face him.

In these last few weeks, in particular these last few days, he’s become so important to me. He’s like the air I breathe, and his arms surround me with strength.

I let myself fall in love with him.

Again.

This one’s on me.

“I need to sleep in Eli’s room tonight.” Turning my head to the side is the best I can do. “Thank you for everything you’ve done for us.”

“Emmy, stop.” Large hands are on me, and he pulls my back against his chest.

“Please, Stephen.” My voice breaks as the tears burn in my throat. “I can’t fight you.”

Turning me around, he holds me in front of him. “Then don’t. This is not how you really feel.”

He’s so gorgeous looking at me with those eyes all pissed and bossy. He’s so strong. I’m so weak, but I have to think about Eli now.

“I don’t know how I really feel. That’s the problem. We’ve been through hell. Our emotions are so high, we’re forgetting who we really are. But when it all comes down to it, you don’t believe in marriage. I don’t believe in love. What do we do with that?”

Tears are in my eyes, and my voice is strained. He stands back studying me, considering every word. He’s so smart. He’ll see what I’m saying is right.

He doesn’t respond to my statement, instead he looks down at his hand, which I notice is a bit swollen. “I think Burt pulled that stunt tonight to strengthen his hold on Eli.”

“Oh, God.” My chin drops, and I shake my head. I’m so defeated, I never even thought about why Burt did it. I only wondered how it was possible he could hate me so much. “He was already threatening to take him from me before we married.”

“Emmy, look at me.” I raise my eyes to his. “It won’t happen. My lawyers have drawn up a motion using letters from Henry and the ER docs when Eli had his last seizure. I think we have plenty of evidence to keep Burt from ever taking your son.”

Gratitude floods my chest, and my eyes heat again. “I didn’t ask you to do that.”

“Are you angry I did?” His voice is gentle.

“Of course not. It’s something I could never afford. All of this is.”

He steps closer, towering over me in my bare feet. “I told you I would help you.”

Placing my palm on his cheek, I nod slowly. “I can never repay you for it.”

“Good thing you don’t have to.” He smiles, taking my hand and kissing my palm. His brow furrows when he sees my ring finger is bare.

Our eyes meet, and my chest aches so bad. “The rings are in the tray on your desk.”

He’s still holding my hand. “I don’t want you to go.”

“But you’re set in your ways. It’s too late. Remember?”

His thumb traces over the place where my wedding band once sat on my finger. “I’ve gotten used to you being here. I like you here. I like Eli here…”

Taking my hand out of his, I have to stop this. “It’s not enough. I can’t stay here because of sex or money.”

“It was never just that. Not even when we said it was.”

I have no words left. I can’t argue with him when I’m struggling with my feelings this way. Am I holding onto him because it’s right or because I’m afraid I can’t stand on my own?

I have to know. I have to rebuild my strength.

“Will you take care of the annulment papers?” I can’t bear to meet his eyes as I ask it.