Someone Else's Ocean(84)

Even with the white noise of the waves, I was sure she could hear me swallow.

Her eyes watered as she looked at me for the truth. “This is an asteroid, isn’t it?”

She searched my eyes before she hung her head. “When do you leave?”

I choked on the answer. “Tomorrow afternoon.”

She turned in my arms again to face the sky, seconds later I felt one of her tears fall on my hand as the rest of me shattered with the weight of it.

“I understand why you didn’t tell me. I’m not angry.”

“I want to stay. If that makes any difference at all.”

“Of course it does.”

Minutes later, in an attempt for any conversation other than the suffocating silence, I leaned in to whisper, “I have a favor to ask.”

“Sure.”

“Can you look out for Disco?”

She sniffed. “Of course.”

“Thank you.”

Agonizing seconds later, she finally spoke.

“So,” she said as she took a deep breath. “I’m assuming you pulled this all together last minute to break it to me gently? Did a FaceTime with NASA to lasso the moon?”

I chuckled though I was already aching. We stood wordlessly a moment longer as she clutched my arms.

“I’ll be okay. I don’t want you to worry about me. I know Ella needs you.”

“I know you will.”

“You know I would live on your planet if I could.”

I gripped her tighter to me. “The invitation stands.”

“This sucks. Of all the beaches in the world, why did you have to have your breakdown on mine?”

“I’m not at all sorry we happened.”

She sniffed again. “Me either.”

“Koti, look at me.”

“I can’t. You can’t make promises and I swear to God, that’s all I want to hear from you right now so… just give me a minute.”

“Okay.” That minute was agony as we felt the reality come crashing in through the dream we’d existed in for months. An eternity later, I turned her to face me and kissed her tear-stained cheeks.

“You’re making breakfast due to the deliverance of shitty news.”

“Deal.”

I brushed the tears away from her eyes as she looked up at me.

“Please be honest. Would you stay here with me if you could?”

“Without a second thought.”

She sniffed again before I took her lips.

When we pulled away, she gave me a sad smile. “That’s good enough.”

“Koti—”

“There’s nothing to say. Not tonight.”

I nodded.

“Take me back to bed?”

“Let’s go.”





I WATCHED HER SLEEP, TRACING her skin with my fingers. She stirred slightly, her hair askew and then turned to face away from me. The pain that tiny move caused was unbearable. No part of me wanted to leave her. No part of me wanted the life that waited. I’d taken a job and sold my house to move into a rental. My future idle and dependent on Ella’s. Decisions had been made, life was in order, my daughter was waiting. I had to leave. Koti stirred, and again I was graced with the sight of her face. She slept restlessly most of the time, her beautiful form flailing at all hours of the night. I’d been on the receiving end of some seriously rough hours but had grown used to it over the months on my side of her bed. The only time she fully stilled was when she lay on my chest. I pulled her into my arms to give her more peaceful minutes of sleep and she went instantly lax. I whispered my apology while she slept.

“What have I done to us? I’m so sorry.”

I let it happen. She played a part too, but in the end, I’d given her every part of me. She knew my every side, the small details, and I knew hers. We shared the things that made us significant and I’d allowed it, knowing how much it would hurt to lose it.

Aside from my little girl, life had never gifted me anything so beautiful. I knew every inch of her golden skin, had drowned in the icy-blue pools of her eyes and basked in her warmth. I’d pulled every sweet sip from her lips. We’d become magnetic and inseparable and I let it happen in my selfish haze knowing it would rip us to shreds to lose it.

She was my golden shore after the shipwreck that was my life and she’d loved me with her whole heart, only to let me break it.



“Ian! Where are you, Ian!” she cried as she raced around the house.

“Over here, Koti,” I said, gathering wood in the alley for the fire I was building us.

“I’m leaving. Mom says we have to leave early. I can’t do the bonfire with you.”

“Okay, it’s okay, don’t cry.”

“She’s making me go to the school camp, so I can make friends. I don’t like those girls. I told you about them.”

“I know. But you’re easy to like so just let them come to you, okay? Remember what I said?”

“Have fun anyway?”

“Right.”

She hiccupped as her chest heaved with her upset. “You’re my best friend. Don’t forget me just ‘cause you get bigger, okay?”

“I won’t. Besides, we’re neighbors. I will probably see you around sometime next summer. Right?”