Someone Else's Ocean(83)

“I full-on had a meltdown because I wasn’t sure if God existed today. Do you think it’s okay to subject your child to that?”

I set the oven temperature and leaned over the counter. “You were in a car accident, it’s okay to feel—however the hell you want to feel—after something like that happens. Stop hurting yourself with lies.”

Imploring eyes sought mine. “Are you afraid to die, Ian?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“It’s a part of life I accepted when I was a soldier and I grew immune to death, as tragic as that sounds.”

“Where did they go, Ian? When your friends died, where did they go?”

“I don’t know.”

“Then how are you not afraid?”

“Because if it’s nothingness then we aren’t aware of it and if God exists, we have to assume it’s a place far better than the one we’re standing in. Those are the two options, right?”

“Guess so. Well… there’s hellfire and damnation for being faithless.”

“See, I’m of the belief that if there is a creator so divine, he wouldn’t have the capacity to be so cruel to those he created.”

“That’s comforting.”

“Good, then take comfort you’ll either be blissfully in paradise or completely unaware you no longer exist.”

“You make it sound so simple.”

“I’m sorry that it is for me.”

Her face twisted to mask the sob she was holding. “I’m not sorry for you. I’m happy you aren’t afraid. You’re so smart.”

“As are you.”

“And still so polite,” she said as tears made their way down her cheeks.

“I have to believe there is a place for us because I want there to be for my daughter.”

Koti nodded, “I understand. I want that for her too.”

“And I want it for you,” I told her truthfully.

“Thank you.”

I moved around and gripped her shoulders. “Koti.”

“Yes, Ian?”

“Are you okay?”

“No,” she sniffed, more tears budding in her eyes. “I’m not okay. That scared the shit out of me.”

“I know, so let me put my tea down and be responsible for you, just for tonight, okay?”

“Coffee,” she corrected as her voice cracked.

“Coffee,” I whispered.





Three weeks later…



I WHISPERED THROUGH A HALO of blonde hair. “Hey, beautiful, wake-up.”

“I should probably tell you those are fighting words.”

I chuckled and kissed her until she roused from sleep.

“Would you please let me recover? Surely there’s no skin on your penis after that last round.”

This time I couldn’t help my laughter as I gathered her to me and lifted her from the bed.

“Ian,” she sighed, kissing my neck and wrapping her legs around my waist. “I can appreciate how sexually starved you must have been after going without, trust me, I love sleeping with you.” I made my way down the porch steps and onto the sand. “Sex with you is my favorite hobby, but there are necessities that need priority as well. Wine, s’mores, and sleep.”

Setting her on the beach, I smiled down at her and turned her to face the ocean. “Shut your drivel, woman, and look.”

Her grin disappeared as her mouth parted. “Oh, my god!”

She sank into my frame as we stared at a moonlit sky. The islands below easily seen due to the sheer size of it. Thousands of stars littered the sky leaving us momentarily speechless.

“My God, now this is a good excuse to wake a girl up.”

“I thought you would appreciate it.”

“I used to be such a huge fan of the stars,” she sighed. “So much mystery. I believed all that hoopla about mythology until my science teacher told me they were balls of fire. It was kind of like finding out Santa wasn’t real.”

“Sucked the magic right out of it?”

“Exactly. Like why can’t we leave certain things a mystery?”

“Some would argue that those balls of fire in relation to where we stand are important.”

“I don’t want to know if some asteroid is coming for me.”

“You’re safe tonight.”

“I feel safe.” My stomach dropped as she settled further into me and I reveled in the feel of her warm skin.

She turned in my arms more beautiful than anything I’d ever seen in my thirty-eight years.

“This is wildly romantic, Kemp. Are you feeling okay?”

“Got a little moonstruck is all. I remember skies like this when we camped after a safari in South Africa.”

“I can’t imagine how amazing that was. Growing up there must have been incredible.”

“I’ll be a Saffa till I die. I can’t believe my parents moved us to Texas. I’m still pissed.”

We both laughed.

“That’s the way it is, right? You think you’ll end up one place and you end up on a different planet.”

With both hands, I pushed the hair away from her face. “I loved this planet.”