Smolder (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #29)(41)

I was glad Ru was there to steady me through the door. Rodina’s weight at my back was comforting, too, because between the shoes and the camera flashes I wasn’t as able-bodied as normal.

I reminded myself that I was doing this for Jean-Claude and we both knew I’d have security with me.

I repeated all that to myself as I cursed at feeling helpless. It is not my favorite feeling and looking fabulous has never been worth it to me, but . . . I was safe, no one was trying to hurt me, I was safe. I was even armed, if someone jumped me I could defend myself, but I had to fight off a host of old issues not to get angry about it and aim it at Jean-Claude, or the customers with their phones, or even Rodina and Ru. Once I would have just lashed out, but I owned myself now, issues and all.

I felt something stir inside me and glimpsed bright yellow eyes set in a black velvet face. My leopard down deep inside me where my human mind visualized my inner beasts. The leopard was reacting to my anxiety, trying to protect us, but my anger was the big problem. I wasn’t picking a fight

with anyone thanks to therapy, but the anger was still inside me looking for a place to go and my inner beasts would help me deal with it, if by help you meant try to tear their way out of my body and ruin the night.

Ru held me close, but underneath the sweetness of his skin was something heavier, his leopard was inside there somewhere. They were both wereleopards so they couldn’t help me push down my own. I needed a different kind of wereanimal to help me balance, and as if I’d called him to me, Ethan was there, pushing past Rodina, taking me from Ru. He wrapped his arms around me, and I buried my nose against his chest, but it wasn’t enough. I needed bare skin. He raised his hand with the other arm still holding me close. I pressed my nose against the back of his hand and there was his inner rainbow of tigers—blue, white, red, and gold. He alone held enough different flavors of beasts to keep me in my own skin. The leopard that was crawling up inside me growled into the darkness as the tigers showed themselves among green jungle foliage that just seemed to appear for them to give hints of their movements. The leopard’s gold eyes faded into the darkness as the tigers circled inside me.

I could finally draw a deep breath and let go of the anger. Therapy helped me work out my anger issues, but nothing seemed to make them go away. I looked up at Ethan; his white hair spilled around the top of his face, still cut short enough on the sides that the top was the only volume he had. That one dark red streak that went from his forehead to the back of his skull looked like a skilled hairdresser had done it, but it was natural, the only hint of his red tiger lost in white and gray that signaled white and blue respectively. His eyes were a solid gray and if you didn’t know what you were looking at you’d never guess they were tiger eyes in his human face. Nothing in his human form gave away his golden tiger heritage, but I could call the scent of it to his skin.

“Thanks,” I said, and the background music was low enough he could hear me. There were strip clubs out there where the music blared so loud all night you couldn’t hear yourself think, but Guilty Pleasures wasn’t like that.

Ethan smiled down at me and said, “You’re welcome, but it is part of my job.”

I nodded and said, “Still, thanks.”

Rodina turned her head and said, “They’re taking pictures.” She was keeping her voice low so she wouldn’t be overheard by the group of people who were standing just outside the half circle that she and Ru had created around us and the wall. The women had their phones out and were filming me clinging to Ethan. They’d had to turn their flashes off because there were signs everywhere for that, so the pictures wouldn’t be high quality, yay for that.

“Get security over here and remind them that they aren’t allowed to take pictures of performers or their families inside the club,” I said.

Ru started to go find someone, but a black-shirted figure was already there chasing them back and telling them if they broke another of the club’s rules they’d be kicked out and there wouldn’t be any refunds.

Buzz still had his black hair in a close crew cut and small, pale eyes. He was built like an old-fashioned weightlifter, as if with one good flex his shirt would explode off him. He was a vampire, so he could keep his muscles without lifting another weight for the rest of eternity. “Sorry, Anita, I’ve got new guys on the door.”

“I hope they’re better at the door than they were just now.”

“I’ll yell at them later. Allow me to escort you to your table, though I’ll have to get an extra chair.

I didn’t expect four of you.”

“I can stand,” Ethan said.

“Nah, you’ll block the view of the table behind you,” Buzz said as he ushered us through the small tables that filled the room around the stage to our table, well, my table since now it was always reserved for me and whatever bodyguard I had with me. Last time I’d been here, Nicky had been with me. I had a sudden pang of missing him. He’d been my main bodyguard for so long that I was used to having him at my side almost everywhere, and I was in love with him, so that contributed. I hated that the rumors had stripped me of him.

Ethan knew better than to hold my chair for me, but Ru didn’t yet, so we had that awkward moment of me trying to help him scoot me forward and failing to be helpful. We finally got it done but only because Ru was stronger than human normal and could finally just push the chair to the table even with me being in the way. I’d never managed to figure out how to be graceful when a man did the chair thing, and if Jean-Claude couldn’t teach me how to do it, then no one could.