Sisters by Choice (Blackberry Island #4)(113)

“I know that.”

“Then maybe you should live like it.”

She wanted to tell him she did, only she knew she didn’t. Sometimes she held on so tight, she thought she might snap in two. Letting go, whether with money or love or her business, was too hard.

“I don’t like introspection,” she admitted.

“I think we all know that about you.”

  She was out of money. Kristine stared at the spreadsheet on her laptop screen and knew there was no getting around the truth. She’d spent more than she’d anticipated on her website and things like cookie sheets and other kitchen tools.

The mailing list she’d bought had been an amateur mistake, she thought with a sigh. It had been a massive, unplanned expense that could have waited, but she’d been so excited at the thought of it that she’d gone ahead without bothering to take the steps to see if she had enough money to pay for it.

Not only was her first lease payment coming due, she also still had to buy the raw materials necessary to make cookies and brownies to sell. In the next few days she was hoping to start getting orders on her website, and if that happened, she would burn through the packing materials she’d already bought. A quality problem, but still a problem. She owed money on the sign that would be installed next week and she was hoping to have a big grand opening party to officially launch the business. Right now she couldn’t afford paper cups to serve people a glass of water.

Kristine couldn’t believe she was barely a month in and she was already scrambling. She’d been so careful with her business plan—she’d checked and double-checked and even Sophie had said her numbers looked good. Which all sounded great but didn’t change the fact that she needed an influx of cash—significant cash—and fast.

Ten thousand would get her where she needed to be. Fifteen would be better because then she would have a buffer against more unexpected expenses. It wasn’t as if she had that much simply lying around, tucked like loose change under a sofa cushion.

There was the line of credit, but she really didn’t want to use that. She and Jaxsen were in a delicate place right now. The last thing she wanted to do was create tension between them by using that money. Sophie was an option. Maybe. If she asked for a loan rather than a gift. She could draw up a payment plan so it was legally binding.

Kristine thought about the used SUVs she’d looked at online. Selling her nearly new one and replacing it with an older, less fancy vehicle netted her maybe five thousand. Not enough and, again, something Jaxsen wouldn’t like.

She pushed her laptop away and put her arms on the desk, then rested her head on her arms. “I’m a failure,” she murmured aloud, wishing she’d planned better.

She went upstairs to the kitchen to pour herself another cup of coffee. Maybe the jolt of caffeine would help her brainstorm some brilliant solution. Maybe—

She heard a car in the driveway and looked out the window. Jaxsen was backing an open trailer next to her SUV. What on earth? Why would he need a trailer?

Her entire body went cold. Was he taking his things?

Even as the thought formed, she pushed it away. No. She wasn’t going to jump to some horrible conclusion. She and Jaxsen weren’t splitting up. They’d just talked about making their marriage better. They had a counseling appointment Thursday night. He wouldn’t be moving out.

He walked into the kitchen. “I thought you’d be at the store. I wanted to surprise you later.”

“Surprise me with what?”

He shrugged. “I know you’re out of money. I still have the paperwork you gave me when you wanted to talk about starting the business. I know there were extra costs. The dishwasher and supplies. Plus, Tommy told me you’d bought a mailing list. I don’t know much about that, but I’m guessing it’s expensive.”

She felt herself flush as she fought against the need to defend herself. Jaxsen wasn’t here to attack her—she had to believe that. If she didn’t, then they had nothing.

“I made some mistakes. The mailing list was expensive. Then there was the cost of printing postcards and postage. You’re right. I’m out of money and I still need to pay my lease and get in supplies so I can start baking.”

He nodded. “That’s what I figured. What are you thinking? Ten thousand?”

“Fifteen would be better.”

“Okay. There’s the line of credit, but neither of us wants to tap into that. It’s an extra payment we don’t need to be making. But without the money, you can’t get started.” He smiled at her. “I want to help.”

Words that made her relax a little. “I appreciate that, but unless you have a secret stash of money I don’t know about, I’m not sure you can.”

She expected him to smile or joke, but instead he looked away. As if he’d been hiding something from her.

“Jaxsen?”

He drew in a breath and turned back to her. “This scares the shit out of me. I’ll admit it. You starting a business like you are.”

“Why does that scare you? Do you think I’m going to fail and take down the family with me?”

“No. Not that. I wish it were that. You having to shut things down would be easy. What I’m scared of is that you’re going to be a success. You’re going to make a lot of money and become some pillar of the community. You’re going to be going to meetings and hanging out with people like that guy with the private jet. You’re going to be different and I’m not.”