Sin & Spirit (Demigod of San Francisco #4)(22)

Unable to help myself, I snuggled into him, my mind still whirling. My resolve eroding. I was supposed to be doing the right thing and setting him free. Cutting the anchor. The whole situation was going tits up.

“I told you I’d sort things out, and then we’d move on. That we’d go shopping in France, visit my castle in Ireland—I gave you the idea that we’d be free. And then I took a leadership job and chained you here. That’s why I’ve left you largely to your own devices. I let you get your feet wet, then go running. Literally. I framed that tabloid picture of you with the red shoes, by the way. It’s on my desk. I was in stitches.”

I pushed to get out of his arms, but he held me put.

“The way you’re feeling now is my fault.” He nuzzled into my neck. “All of it. You have an incredibly rare and potent magic. Everyone is curious about you. They’re all dying to see you in action. Dine at your table. Lock you up on their staffs. I wanted you to blast the first Demigod to come through here. I wanted you to make a statement, then I wanted you to waltz out, as you do, seemingly without a care in the world. So what are you bringing to this relationship? Your love, your wit, your ability to put me in my place, and your unwavering, open-minded support. What are you bringing to my rulership? Resources for the people and a terrifying magic that makes me look damn cool. They’re calling me an upstart, a child, but they aren’t doing it to my face. Why?”

“Because Demigods lack a sense of humor?”

“Because you’ve got my back, and no one wants to mess with you. I’m not just an upstart Demigod—I’m an upstart with an ace in the hole. I have a woman that cannot be bought, cannot be dazzled with charm or lured away with extravagant gifts. A woman I can trust with my empire and my heart. I’m not starting at the bottom. Not with you beside me. Nancy placed you higher on the status scale than a level five. Than her whole prized staff of level fives, actually. She was trying to fight for her placement over me, but it took very little convincing to make her step down.” He paused for a moment. “Notice I didn’t say kneel down? My fly was closed, that’s why.”

I huffed out a laugh through the tears, most of them heartfelt and happy. Some inspired by the trigger that had caused this epic spiral.

The fear from earlier welled up. Might as well get it all on the table.





8





Alexis





“I called the last Spirit Walker today,” I admitted. Kieran stiffened behind me. “Before you get mad, we tried to call you. You were…busy.”

“You should’ve been able to get through. Jack and Boman should’ve thought to call the other guys. Bria should’ve thought to call Zorn. The whole thing was a clusterfuck. I let you down. In fact, maybe we should break up. I’m not good enough to be your man if my people can’t play a simple game of telephone. Yeah, let’s break up.” He squeezed me as he paused for a beat. “Too soon?”

I leaned my head back against his shoulder. “I am trying to break up with you.”

“No you’re not. You’re trying to work through a few tough issues and doing some terrible problem solving. And just so you know, I was bored in there with Nancy today. The woman is clueless and her secrets are largely useless. I got a couple of nuggets and a few leads, but I couldn’t work around to who sent her, and it doesn’t seem like anyone trusts her. I could’ve used your call. So what happened?”

“I succeeded in summoning the Soul Stealer. I had to go really far in to get to him.”

He slowly blew out a breath, and I could tell and feel that he was trying for calm.

“We have the same magic, but he dominated me. I couldn’t get away from my own magic. I didn’t know how to fight back. I just forced him back to where I got him. Or tried. He dragged me in with him. I struggled away, but then…I got lost. It was hazy and confusing. I felt like a sailboat in the middle of the sea with no direction and no wind. I was stuck. Unmoored. But then I grabbed what felt like an anchor—I think it was our soul connection—and used that to pull myself back out.” I rubbed the back of my hand across my eyes, angrily wiping away the wetness. I pushed out of his arms. “I don’t know what I’m doing, Kieran. I don’t know how to get better. But there’s more to this magic, I know it. More than just ripping out souls and creating obedient zombies. More than war. It can be used for a more noble cause. I need to believe that.”

I rounded on him, wanting to punch him for no reason. Maybe just punch anything. “But how the hell am I going to find out? If my dad knows about me, he probably wants to kill me. The others want to use me as a weapon. Your new girlfriend doesn’t have the answer with her kind of magic, and I have nowhere else to turn but a more experienced murderer that can flip me end over end in the spirit realm.”

By the end I was panting, and Kieran was staring at me.

Silence hung between us as I watched the ocean churn in its endless loops beyond the cliffs.

“Did you like the necklace?” he asked. “I had it designed for you.”

My eyebrows crawled up my forehead and I blinked at him for a moment. “Did you hear any of what I said? I’m shit at my magic, I nearly killed myself today, and I don’t have one fucking clue what to do about it!”