Scared of Beautiful (Scared #1)(37)

Looking down, I press the lock button and a picture pops onto the screen. I blink at first, hoping that what I’m seeing is an illusion, a picture of someone else, but it isn’t. Jackson is lounging, legs splayed out in a booth with a tramp in black leather shorts. There is a distinctly lazy smile on his face while the bitch’s head is firmly planted in his lap. This could have been from any other night. But I know it was last night. Because Jackson is dressed in exactly what he wore out. My head reels, tears sting at my eyes and my throat constricts. Jade, noticing my reaction, grabs the phone from my hand takes one look at the photo and storms into the house, slamming the screen door as she does.

I don’t move, my legs feel weak and my body is encased in a blessed numbness. The tears that threatened to flood from my eyes are no longer there. I should yell, scream, ask for an explanation, but I don’t want one. I want to leave, and I want to leave now. One problem, I have walk past Jackson in order to do so. Minutes later, the screen door opens and Daniella and Shana walk out. Shana looks at me with pity before saying goodbye, and telling me that it was nice to meet me.

Nice to meet me? Wow, I must have really been a fool. Even she knew that I wouldn’t be around for long. Daniella walks over and gives me a gentle hug before leaving with her mother.

Eventually, after what feels like hours, I find the coordination to stand and walk inside. Behind Jackson’s closed bedroom door, I can hear Jade voice, raised and angry, laced with expletives. As I approach the door and the voices become clearer, and I stop.

“I don’t know!” I hear Jackson.

“You don’t know!” Jade sounds exasperated. “So I ask you why Amber the hooker’s head is in your lap last night and you don’t know? You know how hard it was for her to trust you? What the hell!?” I’ve never heard her so angry. Even through the door I can hear the quiver in her voice, as she fights to rein in her anger.

“Emmanuel gave me a blunt, it must have been laced with something else. I don’t remember any of this! I don’t know who took that photo, or any of the others!” Others? Thankfully I only saw the one, and that was enough to crush my heart. “I woke up in his truck outside the house with Amber in the back. That’s it!” Jackson sounds tortured. “I have to talk to Maia!” the urgency in his voice amps up a notch.

“No!” I hear Jade shout before a thump. “You’ve done enough! Where’s her shit!” I can only presume Jade’s packing my bag. The door flies open, and Jade storms out, her eyes becoming startled when she sees me standing there. “Let’s go,” she says softly before taking my hand. I glance over my shoulder. Jackson stares back at me, his eyes pleading with me to stay. He looks so broken, and for a fleeting moment I feel sorry for him, just before the image of the photo flashes in my mind. I turn and leave with Jade.

* * *

Not wanting me to stay in a strange apartment by myself, Jade offers to come back to Providence with me. I don’t cry the whole flight home. Jade doesn’t even attempt to start a conversation. I remember, as we pull up to the building, that the furniture hasn’t been delivered yet. Climbing the stairs to the apartment, I’m reminded of looking at it with Jackson. I can see the Clever Bean from my window. I laugh bitterly as I think of how many memories I have amassed in the short time that Jackson and I spent together. So many places I now have to avoid.

Jade lays a comforter on the bedroom floor and orders in Thai. My stomach baulks at the thought of food, and all I really want to do is sleep, close my eyes for as long as possible so that this feeling goes away.

The days roll on uneventfully. Jade deals with the furniture delivery, food shopping, and even arranges the furniture in the apartment. Which I’m sure Jade didn’t mind at all. I hand her my ATM card to buy a bed for the spare room, and whatever else this stupid place needs. I haven’t gone to my classes or even set foot on the Brown campus, for fear of seeing Jackson. And my diet consists of protein shakes, which Jade forces me to drink for fear that I’m soon going to become emaciated. Eventually after day 7 of my emotional and physical detachment from the real world, Jade opens my blinds and drags me, under protest, out to the lounge.

“What?” I say, genuinely irritated.

“Look!” She holds up a mirror, and I see myself for the first time in a week. The bags under my eyes are almost purple, my hair hangs limp and oily around my face, and my skin looks pasty and pale. The sight startles me a little, but I shrug it off.

“If you think you look bad, you should see Jackson,” Jade says simply, then looks up to gauge my reaction. Where has she seen him? Is he back here? I thought he would be locked in a Motel 6 with Amber the hooker somewhere.

“So, you are going to have a long shower, wash this,” she says lifting a strand of my hair with a disgusted expression, “and we’re going out for breakfast. You remember out, you went there once. As in out of the apartment.” I roll my eyes at her sarcasm, but follow the instruction.

We avoid the Bean entirely, clever thinking Jade, and make our way to a café a few shops down for breakfast. Amazingly, the outside world is still running the way it does, despite mine stopping.

“So, I spoke to Jackson,” Jade starts cautiously, as we’re scarfing down waffles.

“And.” I say feigning indifference, but she knows that my curiosity is piqued.

“He wants to talk to you, explain what happened. He says that he knows that nothing happened between him and Amber.”