Royally Not Ready(92)

“I did.” He turns his attention back to the wood. “I had a family in the palace that adopted me,” he says offhandedly, “but it was never the same. Recovering from losing your parents in a fire is horrible as the nightmares are so vivid. Sometimes, I’ll have dreams and they’ll be in them, but they’ve aged. We sit on the back porch of the quaint house we had in the servants’ quarters, staring up at the northern lights as they dance above us, just like we used to. But in my dreams, my parents never say anything, they just hold my hand and remind me with their touch that they love me.”

A tear falls down my cheek, and I set the wood down so I can turn and face him. He leans back on the couch as I straddle his lap and place my hands gently on his chest. “I have the same dreams, but my parents haven’t aged. They’re as I remember them, and we’re out on the beach, lounging in chairs, watching the waves roll in. But there’s no sound. It’s almost as if the dream is in slow motion and I get to feel the comfort of them around me all over again.”

“How do you feel in the morning?” he asks.

“Comforted, but also sad, empty.”

“Same,” he says, while he takes my hands in his. “Almost feels worse after, because I got them back for a short moment.”

“And then they’re taken away all over again.”

“But for those few minutes you do have with them, it’s like . . .”

“Nothing can take that away from you.”

“Exactly.” His hands glide up my ribs. “Fuck, Lilly. What are you doing to me?”

“What do you mean?”

“I haven’t felt this connected to a person . . . ever. And now that you’re here, in my life, it terrifies me that you’ll be taken away as well.”

“I understand that feeling,” I say as I rest against his chest, my head to his shoulder. “Being here, it’s made me feel like everything I’ve been missing in my life has actually been hiding away in another country, and that terrifies me too. I didn’t think I could feel this way again.”

“What way is that?” Keller asks, his hand stroking the back of my head now.

“Safe,” I whisper.

His grip grows tighter on me. “You’ll always be safe with me.”

“I know. I can always count on you.”

“Always.”





Chapter Eighteen





KELLER





Lara: How is everything over there?

Keller: Peaceful and quiet.

Lara: Okay, well, I don’t think we’ll be back for another two hours. Is that okay?

Keller: Fine, no rush. Take your time.

Lara: Uh-huh . . . any reason why you want us to take our time? wiggles eyebrows

Keller: No, I just want you to have a nice time out.

Lara: Right, so this has nothing to do with the moans we heard last night?

Keller: No idea what you’re talking about.

Lara: Keller, we’re not stupid. How long has it been going on?

Keller: That was the second night.

Lara: Do you realize how risky this is?

Keller: Yes, but I can’t stay away. I can’t avoid her anymore, Lara. She makes me feel whole.

Lara: As long as you know what you’re doing. There are consequences. Who knows if King Theo will approve, and then what if she decides to walk away?

Keller: She won’t.

Lara: Brimar thinks differently.

Keller: Brimar doesn’t know her the way I do.

Lara: He’s worried about you.

Keller: I can tell, but trust me when I say, she’s not going anywhere. And neither am I.

Lara: Are you falling for her?

Keller: Yes.

Lara: Wow, that’s unexpected. You know I like her a lot, and I genuinely think she’d be a great match for you. She balances you out. But I’m not sure she’s ready for what’s to come. I don’t want you getting hurt.

Keller: I appreciate that, Lara, but I think you and I both know, I tried staying away. I fucking did, but the connection is too strong, and the need is far too electric. This is so much bigger than thinking she’s beautiful. I know her on a basic level, and she sees me to my core.

Lara: Okay, just be safe. We care about you.

Keller: I know, but don’t worry about me. Take care of yourselves. And, hey, I got a text from Henrik earlier. They think they found the leak.

Lara: Really? Who?

Keller: Someone within the executive staff. They’re going to speak of some false stories and see which one is outed. They’ll know soon.

Lara: Thank goodness. If we can clear that out by the time we get there, that would benefit Lilly’s welcoming.

Keller: Agreed. Okay, have fun. I’ll see you tonight.

“Who are you texting?” Lilly asks from the couch, where she’s still carving the first side of her fish. “You have this weird, pinched look on your face.”

“Lara,” I answer. “They’ll be returning later than planned.”

“Oh.” Lilly holds up her fish and shows it to me. “What do you think?”

Fuck, she’s so beautiful. That smile on her face, the pride beaming in her steely eyes, she’s breathtaking. And that fish . . . it’s actually halfway decent.