Rome (Marked Men, #3)(53)

We sat there in silence for a long time, just looking at each other. She kept stroking my head and it was interesting to watch her thoughts play out in those odd-colored eyes. Remorse for me flashed in one, while disapproval and something else flashed in the other. She didn’t like me beating myself up over something that couldn’t be undone, but it was clear she wasn’t going to condemn me for it either.

“You don’t honestly believe that either of those boys ever doubted how much you love them, how much you sacrificed for them? Do you?”

I shook my head slowly in the negative. “No.”

“Good. Because no matter what you said to him, the words didn’t matter. He knew. Rule knows. You could have told Remy all those things, and he still would have gotten in that car that night. Losing him that way would still have you hurting and your family in disarray. You know he knew you loved him. That’s all that matters, Rome. If he wanted you and Rule to know, he would have told you. That’s all there is to it. That’s not your fault, it’s not your parents’, and it sure as hell isn’t Shaw’s. At some point you have to just let it rest.”

“I don’t know how to do that.” It was the truth.

“Is there anything that you think would put it in perspective for you? Make it easier to move past this?” I liked that instead of just letting me be all defeatist and lost about it, she wanted to actively help me figure out a solution to the problem.

“Not really. Answers would help. Asking Remy what he was thinking would help, but since none of that is possible, I’ll just have to figure it out on my own.”

Her eyes flashed at me, and I saw a shadow of something cross from one colored eye to the other. I wanted to ask her about it, but she climbed up off of me and I got distracted fighting the urge to snatch her back. I wanted to kiss her from the top of her head to the tips of her toes. I wanted to put her in bed and never let her out. I wanted to breathe her in and let her spread all that color and brightness that poured out of her all over the cold and barren that was spread around inside of me, but I was still minding my manners, so I lumbered to my feet prepared to walk her out to her silly little car and settle for a chaste peck on the lips.

I didn’t necessarily feel any better after talking to her about it, but I also didn’t feel any worse. I didn’t feel the need to guzzle down a bottle of Belvedere and I was pretty sure I could make it through the rest of the night without having to outrun the nightmares. I almost ran her over when she stopped in front of me and turned around. I had to wrap my arms around her small frame to keep her from toppling over onto the floor. She laughed a little against the center of my chest and grabbed the fabric of my T-shirt in her hands and started to pull me back toward my room.

Not that I wanted to rock this particular boat, but I also didn’t want to get into something she was going to be all worked up about later either.

“Uh … What are you doing, Half-Pint?”

Those blond eyebrows danced up on her forehead as she continued to walk backward, towing me with her. Her eyes were lively and shiny, a small smile was playing across that mouth I wished I had dreams about instead of the nightmares I was having, and she was looking at me in a way that didn’t just make my dick hard, but made something in my chest wind up and release like a spring.

“You have bad dreams. I don’t want you to. So I’m going to give you something better to take to bed.”

Oh, thank you, Jesus. I kicked the door closed behind us and let her pull my shirt off over my head. She was too short to reach all the way, so I had to bend down for her to get it up and over my shoulders.

“I thought we were slowing things down?” Stupid sense of morality.

She cocked an eyebrow at me and bent her head down so that she could get her hands on my belt buckle.

“Do you like me any less since we stopped having sex?”

I snorted and just watched as she pulled the leather through the belt loops with a single yank.

“No. Why?”

She lifted a shoulder and let it fall. I was trying to follow her train of thought but my eyes crossed because she got those little hands under the edge of my fly and brushed against an erection that felt like it was trying to escape from my pants all on its own. I was missing something here. She was almost as vulnerable as I was, only I didn’t have a firm grasp on her reasons.

“I dunno. I thought maybe it was all chemistry and sexual attraction, and once that went on hiatus, things with us would be clearer, make more sense.”

“We don’t make sense?”

She had my zipper down and was working my jeans over my hips and my ass. I wasn’t going to be able to keep talking to her coherently for much longer, but I had a feeling I really needed to understand the things she wasn’t saying to me.

“We do, but things with us just seem to move at warp speed.”

She wasn’t wrong.

“Is that bad?”

Those two-toned eyes flicked up at me and she slicked her tongue over her bottom lip. Holy hell, I was going to come just by looking at her.

“No. It can be scary and overwhelming, but I don’t care anymore because I want you. I missed this part of being with you, plus I’m pregnant and horny and want to jump you all the time. Restraint has never been one of my strong suits.”

I sucked in a breath as she got my pants down around my knees and then dropped to her own.