Rising (Blue Phoenix, #4)(69)

“You let me in,” I whisper, the awareness what a massive thing this was for him hitting me fully for the first time.

“Mostly,” he says. “Even though you have my heart, there’s a part locked away that I can’t give you, Ruby.”

“I know.” I brush my lips against his forehead. “You have all of mine though.”

Jem releases my waist. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. I’ll trash it; it’s inevitable.”

“No, it’s not inevitable. Nothing in life is. I believe we’re more than that; you know we are.”

Jem sighs and looks up at me, face pale. I brush his curls from his eyes, willing him to see the truth. “I can never replace the love you lost as a kid, Jem, but I can love you now.”

My heart thumps into my ears, at the fact I told him the one thing I swore not to. Jem’s face remains inscrutable and our new world drifts away with each second of silence.

“Don’t. I can’t say the words you want to hear.”

Tears prick at my eyes at Jem’s admission and I climb from his knee. Jem watches me warily as I return to my seat and pick up a slice of melon. The reason my tears don’t fall is because Jem didn’t deny he loves me; he just has the truth locked away. How much time before I can unlock this? Will I ever be able to?

“Sorry,” he says quietly, “you do know how important you are though? How much you mean to me?”

“I just dredged your mind of painful memories, a world where love didn’t have a place. It’s all good.”

Subject closed, we finish eating. I can switch off too. I have as much practice. I’m not spoiling my peace and happiness of this place with Jem, or the calmness that surrounds us by obsessing on unspoken words.

We have a long path ahead. Time will tell if we can navigate it together or get pulled away by the control of the past.





Chapter Twenty-Eight



Jem



Six weeks with Ruby.

Forty-two days of somebody living in my life and head, consuming my every day.

How do I feel about this?

Torn.

I live and breathe her; and I’m terrified this air supply to my emotions will be cut off, and I’ll be suffocated by the vacuum again. Each day this worry lessens, but it’s there.

Tonight, I watch Ruby on stage and she thrills me as ever. Jem Jones is f-ucking lucky to have what he doesn’t deserve - the love of this amazing, talented, sexy chick that the world is sitting up and taking notice of. Ruby Riot has done a couple of press interviews recently where Ruby refused to dress in anything suggested by PR for the photo shoot. She wore her striped leggings and baggy sleeveless top, and I smiled when I saw this was a Blue Phoenix t-shirt, faded grey with the sleeves roughly cut off. I hung around, let her vent the frustration over being told what to do for the shoot; but in her eyes, I saw the anxiety. My beautiful girl is out of her comfort zone, moving into a world that I’m going to guide her through.

The venues get bigger as word about Ruby Riot grows. They’re not touring but gigging regularly, playing new tracks from our recording session. Steve agreed to sign them based on those tracks; a full album is scheduled for April after the tour with Blue Phoenix in January. I’m proud – and vindicated. This isn’t because of my fantasies about the lead singer.

Ruby arrives offstage half an hour later, hair damp, and heat radiating from her skin. She’s on the high she always is after performing, the one that twinges jealousy because I want to be up there again. I’ve nagged Dylan about starting rehearsals for the tour, but he’s still on his own world tour with Sky. Liam and Bryn have agreed to start in November. Nearly two months.

“You okay?” she asks, sliding her arms around my waist.

I smooth a tendril from her forehead as we head to the Green Room. “Yeah. Some nights I’m jealous of you getting to do this.”

“I bet you won’t be saying that a month into a tour,” she says. “Anyway, you’re always welcome to play onstage with us.”

I push through the door to the Green Room. “Sure, Jax would love me taking his place.”

“Just a couple of tracks would be cool.” Ruby kicks off her shoes then roots around in her bag and pulls out a fresh t-shirt. “He’d be okay with that.”

I can’t respond because Ruby unzips and steps out of her red dress. Does she still do this in front of the other guys?

“What?” She pushes her arms through the t-shirt.

I soak in the sight of her lace-covered tits and the tiny panties before the material of her t-shirt covers them. “I wish you wouldn’t do that. It switches my brain off.”

Happy memories of this morning skip into my mind and I go from wanting to chat about Ruby Riot to wanting to pin her to the wall and f-uck her hard. Ruby gives me a warning look.

“Come here.” I beckon with my finger.

“No.” She deliberately bites her lip coyly.

“Right. I’ll come over there then.” I take the couple of steps across the space between us and back her to the wall. Her breath rushes out but not from the force, but the reaction to my hand sliding around to that perfect ass. I play my fingers at the edge of her panties. “You know not to be alone in a room with Jem Jones, especially if you’re stripping for him.”