Repeat(67)



Before my insides have stopped quaking he’s up and on his feet, pulling a condom out of the wallet in his back pocket. I’m only vaguely aware of what’s going on. Still trying to catch my breath. But he lifts me in his arms, pinning me against the wall. It’s just natural for my legs and arms to go around him. Then he lines up the thick head of his cock and surges into me, sure and deep. I gasp at the sensation, clinging onto him for dear life, as he proceeds to pound into me. Guess we’re both yet again working out some feelings. And what better way than through rough sex?

My spine feels like it’s stuck to the wall, one of his hands on my ass and the other cupping the back of my head. Protecting me. A good thing one of us still has the capacity for thought. My skull has definitely already taken enough damage in this life. Again and again he drives the hard length of his dick into me. And we’re more than a storm—we’re a cyclone or a hurricane. Something wild, a bit scary, and out of control. But I trust him. How could I not? I love him.

Impossible to come again so soon. Yet he angles my hips and starts hitting the magic place inside of me. Harry Potter has nothing on this shit. Soon enough, my insides clutch at him, trying to hold him deep. A sweet shock travels through me, illuminating me from within. It honestly wouldn’t surprise me if I glowed in the dark just then. What he does to me is staggering, the way his body works with mine. How good he makes me feel and how high he sends me flying. His flushed face presses into my neck, his hips surging and hands clutching me tight. Like they couldn’t pry us apart. Eventually his body quiets, still buried in mine. The silence feels heavy, a weight I probably can’t lift and lack the energy to even try.

Pretty sure sweat has glued me to the wall. Ed’s suit will definitely need dry cleaning. All he did to achieve access was lower his zip. Men have it so easy.

“You okay?” he asks, voice rough.

“Yes.”

Slowly, carefully, he lowers me to the floor. My legs are still trembling. Those poor innocent muscles. Forget the tender state of my vagina. Every atom in me feels shaken. We certainly don’t tend to go easy on each other when it comes to sex. Especially on nights like this. Nights where it’s easier to express things between us in a physical way as opposed to opening up about our emotions. Though of course that was my choice.

“Can we just sleep?” I ask, suddenly tired beyond my years.

He cups my face, gently kissing me on the lips. He tastes of me. “Sure, baby. But we’re going to have to talk about it eventually. You know that, right?”

“I know. Tomorrow.”

“All right,” he agrees. “Tomorrow.”

And I lie there. Then I lie there some more because my brain will not shut down. Pretty sure Ed isn’t sleeping either, so this is working out just great. Seems orgasms can’t fix shit. Not even temporarily. Also, I know deep down that I’m doing the wrong thing, cutting off all lines of communication between us. Even temporarily, it’s wrong. It’s what did us in last time. Uncomfortable and awkward or whatever, we need to talk it out.

“I’m scared,” I say quietly.

His arms slide around me, his body pressing tight against mine. I’m cocooned in Ed. “What about, baby?”

“That I said the wrong thing. Or that I said the right thing too early. That maybe I shouldn’t have said anything at all.” I sigh. The heaviness of my heart and weight of my soul feel all too real tonight.

“I don’t know about that,” he says. “Our inability to effectively communicate with each other was what did us in last time. I think if you’re feeling something you need to tell me about it so we can deal with things together. You just . . . you surprised me, is all.”

“Well, what are you feeling?”

He exhales. “I’m scared too, you know. This has all happened fast, us getting back together. And I wouldn’t change it for the world, but I do worry . . .”

“Hmm.”

His arms tighten around me. “It’s more than that, though, Clem. I’m fucking terrified about this idiot being out there gunning for you. What if I can’t stop him? You don’t want me treating you like glass and following you around all the time. But the thought that he could get to you when I’m not there . . . I can’t lose you again. I won’t.”

“Yeah, it frightens me too. But we can’t just stop living.”

Lips brush against my shoulder, pressing a soft kiss.

“I just feel jittery all the damn time,” I say. “On edge. It’s driving me nuts.”

“I’m so sorry, baby.”

“It’s not your fault. You’re the one good thing that’s come out of all of this.”

“Sorry I wasn’t ready to tell you I love you back yet.” His voice is low and telling. Like he too has all these feelings going on that he doesn’t know what to do with. Like there’s a burden in his heart, the same as mine. Perhaps I shouldn’t wish emotional turmoil on him, but it’s good not to feel alone.

“Love is complicated. Well, whatever this is, is complicated.”

“That it is,” he whispers. “But I’m here, Clem. I’m not going anywhere, okay?”

“Okay.” I relax against him, shutting my eyes to sleep. Honestly, it feels like a weight has lifted. Tonight, lying in Ed’s arms, I don’t think I’ll need a pill. Maybe talking things out isn’t so bad after all.

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