Reign of Brayshaw (Brayshaw High #3)(74)

“I am pathetic,” I agree with him which only pisses him off more. “I had never in my life felt so damn pathetic, fucking helpless as I did the day I left. Days before that if you really wanna know.”

I step closer to him, but he shoves at me, sending my back flying against the wall.

“You felt helpless?!” he barks, getting in my face. “You fucking felt helpless?” A scoffed laugh breaks through his fury. “Try actually being helpless, motherfucker. Try watching her knees buckle from under her, her body going limp as she breaks down harder than she probably ever fucking has! Try being the one to hold her through that, wishing you could settle her while knowing there’s only one fucking person she truly wanted in that moment! Someone who I’m not even sure deserves her now!”

A knife to the fucking gut.

What the hell happened here while I was gone?

“You abandoned her,” he growls in my face, his body shaking with his rage.

“I gave her away, Royce.” A deep ache forms in my chest. “I gave her away because someone told me I had to.” My eyes narrow. “Never, ever have I allowed someone to come in and take what was mine, never have I not fought with all I fucking had to keep or protect what belonged to me, and I just ...” I trail off, my jaw clenching. “I gave her away, and I will never forgive myself for that. Ever. And I’d never fucking ask you or her or Cap to forgive me for it either.”

Royce punches a hole through the wall beside my head before stepping back, glaring.

“Wanna know what’s fucking worse?”

Reluctantly, his eyes snap back to mine, his body still facing away.

“I want to go to her, make her forget for a little while, make her feel good the only way I know how. And I want to do it now, while my brother is lying there with bullet holes in his body.”

Deep creases form on Royce’s forehead.

“Fucked up, yeah?” I look away.

He doesn’t say anything.

“I want her, brother. Now, tomorrow, always.” I let out a humorless laugh, closing my eyes when it all becomes too fucking much. “I didn’t think on it when it happened, didn’t have time or didn’t let myself, fuck if I know. All I knew was she was good in that moment. Safe and away from Collins.” I meet Royce’s eyes. “She wasn’t gonna accept. She told me no, like she told him no. She was dead fucking set on marrying Collins, said she would never come between us like that.”

Royce groans, shaking his head. “The fuck you do, brother?”

“Told her I’d leave you guys if she didn’t.”

He takes a deep breath, looking to his bloodied knuckles. “Fucked up.”

I nod.

“And you left anyway.”

“I tried, but I couldn’t fucking do it,” I admit. “Standing around, seeing them together. Imagine me sitting back when his mouth touches hers, knowing what goes down at night when they’re alone. Then later, playin’ family with Zoey?” My jaw flexes. “I’d have fucking cracked. I’d have taken her from him, fucking everyone over in the process. Leaving was the only option.”

He glares a minute before he starts talking again.

“I don’t feel for you,” he says quietly. “I can’t, not after everything she’s been through recently. I tried to be there for her, to make her feel safe, to hold her, and she let me. It helped some, I know it did, but not efuckingnough. It will never be enough.” He swallows, his eyes trailing the blood drops at his feet. “We could never be enough for her.”

“You could be.”

“We aren’t.” He shrugs. “She trusts us, but it’s not the same thing. She loves us, but it’s different.”

I let out a deep breath. “I never should have allowed this to happen. I never should have let them take what was mine to have.” I look to Royce.

His brows meet in the center, a defeated look taking over, and he sighs. “You were saving your niece, man.”

“Yeah,” I rasp. “By ripping out my beating fucking heart.”

“You—”

“Stop, Royce.” My shoulders sag. “Don’t make excuses for me.”

I lick my lips, my chin hitting my chest a moment.

I look up, meeting my brother’s eyes. “Tell me something.”

His eyes pinch.

“Would we ever allow that little girl to be taken from us, hurt or harmed in any way?”

“Never.”

Instant.

“Exactly.” My brows jump into my hairline and I take a step closer. “Why did we not weed out everyone who tried to deny us? Who threatened to take from us?”

“I don’t know, man, it was a lot to take in.”

“So we’re too weak to handle it, like Dad said we would be?”

“That’s not what I fucking said,” Royce spits through clenched teeth.

I push forward. “You heard the other families in that room. This is our fucking feud, they have no place in it. They want us to settle it. Us or them, they don’t get to say, and they don’t give a fuck. They’re only waiting for the end result, a tight, strong council they can depend on when push comes to shove.”

Royce’s body slowly morphs, the tension in his shoulders fading as his fists open at his sides. He stands taller, his chin lifting subconsciously as a calm settles over him.