Pen Pal(65)

I have to take a second to work that out in my head because my brain is a wet noodle. But I manage to complete the task to her satisfaction.

At least I think she’s satisfied. She could also be having a heart attack.

Her only visible reaction is widened eyes, but there’s something chilling in her stare. The way she’s gone from animated to frozen in the space of only a few seconds is unnerving.

Following her gaze, I glance down at the cards I’ve drawn.

The one on the left shows a person lying on the ground with a row of swords sticking out of his back. The one in the middle depicts a nude couple holding hands under a tree, but the card faces toward Destiny, not me.

The one on the right is the weirdest. It’s an upside down skeleton in full body armor riding a horse with a scythe in his bony hand, and boy, that is really fucking freaky and not at all helpful to my fragile state of mind.

I look up at Destiny. “So? What does it mean?”

Her voice hushed, she says, “You have two major arcana cards, which in itself is significant.” She points to the scary skeleton and the nude couple. “The major arcana represent karmic influences and what’s happening on the soul’s journey toward enlightenment. These are important lessons you’re being called to process. But when reversed, it means you’re not paying enough attention. And here, both major arcana are reversed. This is a very complex draw.”

I’m already disliking the sound of this. “Complex bad you mean?”

Ignoring that, Destiny points to the card with the guy with all the swords in his back. “The card on your left is your past. This is the Ten of Swords. Swords carry a powerful masculine energy that deals with the mind. As you’ve drawn it upright, it indicates crisis, loss, deep wounds, painful endings…”

She glances up at me. “Betrayal.”

The skin on the back of my neck crawls.

She points to the nude couple. “The card in the middle is your present. You’ve drawn The Lovers, which normally represents a balance of forces, complimentary energies, trust in a relationship, harmony, and strength. But here it’s reversed, which indicates disharmony and imbalance. Whatever’s happening in your love life will cause you great pain.”

Wonderful. Just fucking wonderful. I can’t even catch a break from a stupid deck of cards.

Destiny points to the card on my right, the armored skeleton on horseback.

“This card represents your future.”

When she doesn’t say more, I prompt impatiently, “And? What does it signify?”

She says simply, “Death.”

We stare at each other across the table as the clock ticks on the wall and my heartbeat goes haywire.

Desperate for some kernel of positive news, I argue, “But it’s upside down. Wouldn’t that mean life or something? When it’s reversed, doesn’t it mean the opposite?”

She shakes her head, making the ornaments in her hair quiver. “Death is a very misunderstood card. It isn’t just about life ending. It’s about new beginnings, transformation, and change. Metamorphosis from one state to another. When the Death card is reversed, it means you’re resisting change. There’s been a major upheaval in your life, but you’re not letting go of the past. And the longer you refuse to let go, the more painful your situation will become. You must purge yourself of old baggage before it weighs you down permanently.”

Purge myself of baggage? Like a psychic enema?

Befuddled, I sit back in my chair and exhale.

Destiny says gently, “Sometimes it’s helpful to draw a follow-up card to understand better what the Death card wants you to let go of.”

I look at the fanned-out deck of cards and think I’d rather chop off one of my own fingers with a dull knife than hear more depressing news.

“Go ahead,” she insists. “It’ll be good for you.”

I snort. “Good for me like a root canal?”

“Pick one, sugar.”

Well, shit. Might as well get my ten bucks worth.

Hesitating, I hold my hand over the deck, trying to get some kind of karmic signal from it. When nothing happens, I just pick one that’s sticking out a little farther than the others and place it face up on the table to the right of the Death card.

“Ah. The Magician.”

Destiny sounds pleased, which makes me feel better. “Is that good?”

She shrugs. “Well, it’s another major arcana card, and reversed, so it’s complicated.”

“Of course it is.”

Ignoring my defeated tone, she says, “But boiled down, it means that what you need to let go of are your illusions.”

I furrow my brow. “Illusions about what?”

Destiny meets my gaze. There’s something very sad in her eyes.

“Only you can answer that question, sugar. You asked the Tarot how you can move on from your husband. My advice to you, based on this reading, is to take a hard look at exactly what you’re holding onto.” She taps a fingernail on the Ten of Swords. “There’s a betrayal here. Maybe it’s about that.”

I shake my head. “No. That doesn’t make sense. Michael never betrayed me.”

“Are you sure?”

Into my head pops the memory of the time the woman at Michael’s holiday work party called him a prick. Sharon or Karen or whatever her name was, the same woman who stood behind me at his funeral and wept.