Park Avenue Player(92)

Hollis had an innocence about him in these photos that no longer existed. By the time I met him, he was hardened by loss. The guy in these photos was most definitely long gone. I kept turning the pages. More photos of them together. Some of them kissing. Lots of them laughing. A prom photo. Graduation. They’d been through a lot together. I wondered if they’d been each other’s firsts.

Why, Bree? Why did you keep this from me? I’d opened up to her so much about my attraction to Hollis, about my developing feelings. Had she not made the connection, or was she hoping it wasn’t true so as not to disrupt my life?

She hadn’t wanted to meet him that weekend he’d stayed over in Connecticut. I remember feeling like that was odd, even though I’d chalked it up to her poor health. Did she suspect something and not want to find out the truth? Or did she know the truth?

I had to wonder if things with Hollis and me would ever be the same again. Could we survive this?

I closed the photo album. These questions had to take a back seat for now. Because Bree was fighting for her life. Did anything else really matter?

***

The hallways of the hospital were quiet, except for an older man singing a Johnny Cash song as he mopped the floor outside the elevator on the fourth floor. It wasn’t quite 7AM, but the ICU had no visiting hours, and I couldn’t sleep. I thought Richard might be here, though I didn’t expect to see anyone else this early.

Arriving at the closed double doors, I rubbed some Purell into my hands and pressed the button to open them. The nurses’ station was subdued, and I stopped when I saw the same woman who had been checking on Bree before I left.

“You’re back quickly,” she said.

“I am. I couldn’t sleep. How’s she doing?”

The nurse offered a sad smile. “Brianna’s about the same. I just took her vitals and made sure she was comfortable a half hour ago.”

Brianna.

I wasn’t sure I’d ever get used to that. The name sat like a weight on my chest because of all the implications…Brianna. Hollis’s Anna. Oh, God. I rubbed at my breastbone. Huey’s Anna, too.

“Okay. Thank you. Is it alright if I visit with her now?”

“Of course. We’re going to change shifts in a little while, so you and your brother will need to step out for about an hour then. But right now is fine.”

“My brother?”

She lifted her chin toward the opposite side of the room where Bree’s bed was. “He’s been here for almost a half hour already. Doesn’t look like he slept much either.”

I followed her line of sight, expecting to see Tobias, and a lump formed in my throat.

Hollis.

He sat beside Bree’s bed. His hair stuck up all over the place; one look and I knew he’d spent the last few hours tugging at it. But what was he doing here so early? It was a two-hour drive each way back and forth to the city, and we’d only left in the middle of the night. He couldn’t have gone home and back. I felt like I might get sick. Had Hollis dropped me off at home so he could rush back and be alone with Bree?

That thought brought so many emotions—sadness, confusion. I hated myself for feeling it, but there was definitely some jealousy mixed in, too.

I watched from a distance, unsure what to do. Did I go over and join him? Go sit in the waiting room and give him some time alone? Leave and come back?

After a few minutes of attempting to figure out the right answer, I realized there really was none for this situation. So I took a deep breath and decided to go over and check on him. I’d ask him if he wanted to be alone. I didn’t want to hide that I was here, and I also needed to see my best friend—even if just for a few minutes.

Hesitantly, I walked toward Bree’s bed. My feet felt so heavy as I approached. Hollis’s back was to me, so he didn’t see me coming. But when I got within a few feet, I heard his voice, and it stopped me in my tracks.

“I broke a promise I made to you.” He reached up and took one of her hands in his, and my chest constricted so tight it felt difficult to breathe. Yet I stayed frozen in place.

“I realized it when I was walking through the hospital last night on my way out and saw the signs for the pediatric oncology unit. Do you remember the night you made me promise I’d never stop my visits? It was the night Adam died.”

Hollis went quiet for a long time. I should have backed out, given him some privacy. But I just couldn’t move. He let out a loud rush of air before continuing.

“You were his first kiss. And his last.” He shook his head and gave a dry chuckle. “I was jealous of that kiss. Don’t think I ever told you that. You gave a dying nineteen year old who had a crush on you his first and last kiss of his life, and I was jealous of him in that moment. How’s that for possessive and fucked up?”

He cleared his throat. “The night Adam died, you made me promise I’d never stop visiting the pediatric oncology unit to play video games. But I did. I stopped after you walked out on me. I still sent a check at Christmas every year, to make sure the unit could get new games and stuff, but I stopped going, Anna. We’re all made of good and bad. But when you left, you fucking took all the good parts of me with you. I didn’t even realize I could get those parts back until recently. I’d thought they were gone forever.” He paused. “Anyway, last night, instead of going home, I wound up at a twenty-four-hour Walmart. I picked up some games and a new gaming console and brought them up to the unit here in the hospital. The nurses were nice and let me hook it up. And I met Sean while I was doing that. He’s fifteen, in for his second round of chemo, but he’s in pretty good spirits. Kicked my ass in Grand Theft Auto.”