Out of Breath (Breathing, #3)(61)

‘I can’t,’ I said, my voice almost lost in the wind gusting off the water. ‘Not yet.’

‘You’re supposed to hate me!’ I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing or my body from shaking. ‘Why don’t you hate me, Evan?!’ My lip quivered.

He appeared … crushed by my explosive words. Evan’s chest caved slightly, and his eyes twitched in pain. Hate you? he mouthed.

I collapsed to the sand and stared at the ocean with my knees hugged to my chest, my face slick with tears.

‘Why would you ever think I could hate you?’ he asked so quietly I could barely hear him. Evan lowered himself beside me. I could feel him looking at me, but I couldn’t bring myself to face him.

She kept her teary eyes fixated on the water. ‘Emma, I could never hate you. I’ve told you that before, and it’s still true.’ Her expectation that I could made me feel like she’d just punched a hole through my chest. ‘But I need closure, so I can move on.’

Emma turned her head towards me. A tortured expression flashed across her face. ‘It’d be easier to hate me.’

I scanned her eyes, and the pain held within them cut me open. She looked away, knowing I’d seen too much. She had always been protective of her emotions, keeping them locked up. But her eyes always told the truth. My jaw clenched. She wasn’t who I hated. But I hadn’t exactly forgiven her for leaving me that night … with Jonathan.

‘Give me one reason why I should hate you,’ I asked her, not truly expecting an answer.

Her face became smooth and her eyes sharp when she said, ‘How was your birthday, Evan?’

His eyes flinched. I knew I had hit a nerve as I’d intended. He had to know. He had to understand why he should hate me. And I needed to remind him, as difficult as it was to watch his face flicker with the remembrance.

But I wasn’t expecting his expression to change and the cocky grin to emerge when he said, ‘It sucked actually. Yeah, you kinda ruined those for me.’

My brow knitted in confusion. Why wasn’t he angry?

Evan laughed with a shake of his head. ‘Well … you ruined chocolate for me too.’

‘Chocolate?’ He wasn’t reacting the way I expected. But then again, he never did.

‘The house, it smelled of chocolate that night,’ he reminded me. ‘So … I can’t eat chocolate.’

‘That sucks,’ I said, redirecting my gaze back to the water, wiping my wet cheeks with the palms of my hands.

‘You have no idea.’ His voice was sarcastic.

‘As much as you’d like me to hate you, I can’t. And I’m not here to ask for you back either.’

Emma’s shoulders tensed. I hadn’t expected this to bother her. Especially after she’d just begged for me to hate her. I thought she’d be relieved.

‘Will you let me try to forgive you?’ I asked her.

‘I think it’s easier to hate me,’ she stated firmly. ‘It’s easier than you think.’

She believed it. It reflected in the confidence in her voice. And that disturbed me.

‘Let’s make a deal,’ I offered, wanting the answers I came here to get.

Emma shook her head.

‘Wait, hear me out.’

‘Fine. Go ahead.’ She swiped her tear-streaked face, and looked to me with a sigh.

I grinned. ‘Nate and the guys arrive in two weeks. So let’s say you have two weeks to convince me to hate you. But you have to talk to me. Answer my questions. All of them. Let me try to forgive you.’

‘All of them?’ I asked cautiously, my heart skipping a beat just considering the questions he could ask.

‘Yes,’ Evan confirmed. ‘And you have to tell me the truth. In the end, I’ll either hate you, like you insist I should, or I’ll have the closure I came here for.’

I was quiet, looking into his eyes, questioning if he was truly serious. He held the slightest smirk on his face, challenging me, which only baffled me more.

‘Why is this so important to you?’ I asked.

‘Emma?’

I looked up with a start, not realizing I’d been staring into Evan’s eyes, waiting for him to say … whatever he was going to say. Cole’s approach broke me free from his gaze, and I took in a deep breath to rid myself of the shivers that trailed down my neck.

‘Everything okay?’ Cole asked, inspecting our faces.

‘Yeah,’ Evan answered for both of us, standing up and brushing the sand from his jeans. I offered a tight smile. Evan turned towards me. ‘So … I’ll see you tomorrow?’

I knew this was his way of asking if I agreed to his proposal. Even though I still didn’t understand why, I shrugged in agreement. ‘See you tomorrow.’

I watched him walk away till my attention was redirected abruptly by Cole, who sat down next to me, blocking my view.

‘Are you sure you’re okay?’ Cole asked, taking my hand in his. My back tensed at the gesture.

Walking away was more difficult than I’d imagined. And it sucked that I’d left her there with Cole. But she’d agreed to tell me the truth. I could finally find out what happened. Why she chose Jonathan. Why she trusted him when she couldn’t trust me. I bit back the anger I could feel rising at just the thought of him, wishing he’d never set foot in her life.