One of the Girls(41)

The euphoria of rising, eyes focused on the wavering surface, silver bubbles tumbling from her open mouth.

Suddenly she was bursting into the world, gasping, grinning.

She tipped back her head, laughed.

Then she floated on her back, limbs in a starfish position as she was buoyed by the water, by what she’d done.

This was what it felt like to be free.

She lay still, submitting to the sea, to the sun.

Eventually, she turned, began kicking for the rocks. A figure was standing there, lit by the high, bright sun.

Fen.

She blinked water from her eyes. Their gazes locked. Robyn felt a pulse of energy rising through her chest, warm and stirring.

Fen moved towards the edge of the rocks, her back straight. She lifted her arms and Robyn watched as she dived, her body a smooth arrow as she cut through the sky, hands pointed towards the water, muscles ridged as she pierced the surface with barely a splash.

She felt the water ripple around her as Fen dived beneath her, a moving shadow that eventually rose to the surface and broke through it grinning.

‘You’re here,’ Robyn said.

They sat on the rocks, their skin drying in a blaze of heat. There was no shade and Robyn knew she’d already had too much sun, but she didn’t want to end this moment. ‘Thought you’d gone back to the yacht,’ Robyn said as Fen flicked water from her damp hair, sunlight glinting from her silver thumb-ring.

‘Bella and Lexi went together, so I swam on.’

Robyn was pleased. She looked across the shimmering waterhole. ‘It’s so good to be out here. To step out of real life for a few days.’

Fen squinted into the sun as she turned to look at Robyn. ‘What’s real life like?’

Robyn shrugged. ‘Fine, I suppose. I’ve got Jack. My parents. It’s just … well, you know, sometimes it feels a bit …’ she searched for the word, unsure what she wanted to say. ‘Vanilla.’

‘Vanilla. I see. What about your job? You’re a solicitor, aren’t you?’

‘Yes. Very vanilla, right?’

‘Do you enjoy it?’

Robyn was going to say something about it being flexible and secure, but that wasn’t the question. The question was, Do you enjoy it? ‘No,’ she said eventually. ‘I don’t.’ When she left for the office each morning, she felt her heart thundering: the day had become something to get through, pretending that she wasn’t torn in two leaving Jack at home while she spent her day dealing with land registry searches.

Fen said, ‘What did you want to do when you were a child?’

‘Be a photographer,’ she answered without needing to think. ‘I used to keep a photo diary, picturing everything that seemed beautiful to me.’

‘So why law?’

She’d made the decision at eighteen when she was studying for her A levels. Her parents had suggested it, along with a teacher. Her brother, Drew, had been dead for a matter of weeks and everything felt shaken, insubstantial, as if the ground could simply crumble beneath her. His death had hit her with the blunt shock of what life really has the power to do. Loss either toughens you – chin raised, feet planted – so you won’t be knocked off your feet the next time, or it makes you watchful, looking out for when that next cold fist might swing again. ‘At the time it seemed like a practical choice. My brother had just died. Life was … messy, broken. Law felt like something stable. Solid. My parents wanted it, so I agreed.’

Fen nodded slowly. ‘I know something about those choices. The ones we make for other people.’ She looked at her for a moment and Robyn felt the heat bloom in her cheeks, as if Fen were looking right inside her, seeing her.

‘Have you been to the swimming hole before?’ Robyn asked.

‘Never. I didn’t even know it existed.’

Robyn felt pleased at that – as if the place were more special because of their discovering it together. She wished she had a camera with her now. She wanted to capture something about this moment, and yet she knew a photo would never do it justice – the chalky scent of the sun-warmed rocks, the fresh breeze lifting from the sea, a white-winged bird circling, and then Fen, sitting beside her, arms wrapped easily around her knees, spine curved, the silver stud in her nose catching in the sunlight as she turned.

‘How come you’ve not been back to the island for seven years?’

There was a pause before Fen answered. ‘Not all the memories are good ones.’

Yesterday, before their hike, she’d caught Fen removing an old photo of herself from the lounge, shoving the gilt frame to the back of a cupboard. She’d wanted to ask her about it – Why that photo? What does it mean to you? Why don’t you want to look at it? – yet she sensed that the act was private, not meant to be seen.

‘I’m sorry,’ Robyn said, not knowing what for – only that she was.

They were both quiet for a time.

Then Robyn asked, ‘Are you pleased to have come back?’

Fen turned and looked directly at Robyn. ‘Yes, I think I am.’





31

Lexi

The yacht drifted lazily on its anchor. A breeze ruffled the sea, sending light waves lapping against the hull.

Lexi lay on her towel, her arms a pillow for her head. Beside her, Bella unclipped her bikini top. ‘You can’t go topless!’ Lexi said.