One of Those Faces (82)

The bottle was nearly completely full. I put my hand to my temple. Maybe it had fallen out of her bag when she’d spent the night after her outing at the Up Room? I scanned the label for the date. 12/07. That was months after she had spent the night.

I closed my eyes, recalling the last time I’d seen her. It was that day at the studio, when I’d quit. That was absolutely the last time. She was holding her bag, and she left. Then I left and went home. I hadn’t had the opportunity to snag the bottle from her bag. And I would never take the entire bottle. I wasn’t that bold.

A knock sounded on the door, and I jumped. I hadn’t heard footsteps on the creaky stairs. I looked at the unlocked door and dropped the bottle, letting it roll back under the bed.

I crept to the peephole and swallowed. Iann was standing outside the door, glancing down into the street behind him. My feelings of relief instantly gave way to profound guilt. Guilt and fear. My hand rested on the dead bolt lock for a second before I twisted the doorknob.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, steeling myself. I wanted more than anything to be standing on the same side of the door as him. Hell, I wanted to be far away from here with him.

“We need to talk,” he said, his brow furrowed.

I put up a hand to stop him, but he pushed past easily. “Iann, there’s nothing to talk about.” I closed the door and turned to face him.

“Of course there is, I don’t like the way we left things before. I think there’s been a big misunderstanding.” His body was so close to mine that I could smell his skin.

“Were you only interested in me because I look like your dead girlfriend?” I demanded. It was a cruel question.

He winced and looked down. That was the only answer I needed. “No,” he said firmly. “And even if that is the real reason I approached you initially, it doesn’t matter. I love you, Harper.”

I turned to walk to the kitchen. He grabbed my arm but let me pull away. I reached for my mug on the counter and took a swig. Maybe to him this wasn’t a big deal. Maybe to a normal person it wouldn’t be a big deal. Maybe it would be merely unsettling. But to me, it was unforgivable. He had unknowingly forced me to live out my worst fear. Again.

He walked over to me. “Harper?” His fingers grazed my arm, goose bumps rising along my skin.

“I need this to be over,” I said, forcing the words from my lips. Please stay.

“I don’t understand why,” he breathed into my hair. I let him wind his arms around me.

You love him. Maybe.

You can’t do it again. And I couldn’t forgive anyone asking me to.

I put my hands on his chest and pushed away. “Please.” It was all I could muster. He didn’t relent and instead braced his hand behind my head and kissed me.

If he’d known I’d had someone else’s hands on me the night before, he wouldn’t want me. I finally broke away. “I can’t do this anymore, not after knowing,” I said.

“You have to help me understand.”

I took a step back. “I have my own problems. I can’t deal with you dumping all your issues on me too.”

His eyes changed. Now he was angry. Good. Then it would be easier. “I can’t believe you’re going to throw this away.”

“I can’t trust you.” And he can’t trust you.

“What was I supposed to do? Go out of my way to tell you about my ex?”

“The whole thing is messed up.” I leaned farther away from him. “All of your bullshit about fate. How did you find out where I worked?”

He shook his head, his eyes narrowed. “I didn’t. All of that was real. Why would I lie about that?”

I didn’t know the answer, but I couldn’t believe in that big of a coincidence. Not now. Not after knowing about Alayna. I looked down at my feet. “It’s already done.”

He was silent for a moment. “You leaving in the middle of an argument doesn’t qualify as a breakup, Harper.”

“Then, fine, consider it over as of now.”

He glanced around the apartment. “You really hate me that much now? That you would rather come back to this place alone instead of hearing me out?”

“I did hear you out,” I said through quaking lips. Hold it together. I wanted to go home with him. “And I’m not staying here much longer.”

His eyes pleaded with me. “What can I do to fix this?”

I pressed my feet deeper into the floor, wishing I could fall through it and disappear.

“You can trust me.”

I shut my eyes for a moment, assessing that. It wasn’t only my past trauma. There was doubt now. Suspicion. I opened my eyes again, meeting his. I thought about the other girls. If they looked like me, they looked like Alayna. “I . . .” I ran my hand over my face. “There’s nothing. I’m done.”

He shifted his weight.

“I don’t think we should be together anymore.” My voice broke on the last word.

He opened his mouth and closed it, running a hand through his dark hair, his brow furrowed. He turned on his heel and left through the front door without another word.

I sank to the floor, my hands shaking. I crawled toward the bed and grabbed the bottle. I stared at it again before twisting it open and shaking out two pills. I closed my palm over them and rested my head back against the bed.