One of Those Faces (87)

My head swam. I was right. I couldn’t handle anymore. “Then, how is he here right now?”

Danny straightened up. “They ended up letting him go, and they determined it was an accident.”

I exhaled. “Then what the hell, Danny! For god’s sake, you were arrested when I went missing.”

He pursed his lips. “That was different.”

“How do you know he wasn’t falsely accused? They always look at the boyfriend or spouse or whatever, right? And they let him go!”

“I read the autopsy report. That wasn’t an accident,” he said, clenching his jaw. “She had fentanyl in her system and lacerations on the back of her head.”

“And you think that’s Iann’s fault somehow? How would a high schooler even get his hands on fentanyl?” My face grew hot with frustration and wasted breath.

He shrugged. “I don’t know. But he was the only person there when she died.”

I scratched my nails against the edge of the desk. “What was the accident?”

“The paper reported that she slipped while hiking. Apparently, a storm blew in that day, and she fell off a cliff. And that’s what the police ended up concluding too,” Danny said.

“Then, as a journalist, what does that tell you?” I was losing patience.

He frowned. “I’m not talking as a journalist right now. I’m telling you this as a friend.”

I shook my head. “I think you never liked Iann, and your mind is playing tricks on you.”

“Did he ever tell you that he was under suspicion for Alayna’s death?”

“Do you tell everyone you date that you were arrested in college?” I countered.

He turned his head down toward the floor. He looked back up after a minute and stood, then paused by the door with his hand on the knob. “I’m not trying to tell you that I know exactly what happened, but . . . I think you should trust yourself. You left Iann for a reason.” He walked out and closed the door behind himself.

I picked at a splinter that had formed on the top of the desk.

Trust yourself.

That was hard to do when I was fractured beyond recognition.



Stopping the pills made it harder to sleep.

Thankfully, Danny was a heavy sleeper. It made it easier for me to sneak out of the bed and creep into the closet with my laptop and sketchbook. Those quiet moments at night with the bare bulb shining overhead were the only times I actually worked on paying projects, it seemed.

Brushstroke of rose for the sash on the flower girl’s dress.

Flick of the pen for the bride’s corkscrew curls.

The tip of the pen broke through the paper. I let the wedding party portrait fall onto my legs, and I leaned my head back against the wall, the sleeves of Danny’s dangling coats grazing my cheek.

I saw Alayna’s smiling face every time I blinked. I pulled my laptop onto my crossed legs and clicked onto Google.

Alayna. What had Danny said? Vasilikas.

The results immediately began with pictures of Alayna from news articles. I clicked the first headline.

Local Girl Dies in Hiking Accident in Thurston County.

I searched for the dates in the body of the article. March 14, 2009.

Ten years ago. Of course Iann hadn’t wanted to mention what had happened all that time ago. I had kept so much more from him about my past. Things that he couldn’t even search for.

Then why can’t you forgive him?

I picked up my phone from the carpet and opened my pictures. The first one saved was of him, his black hair in stark contrast to the pale winter sky behind him.

“What are you doing in here?”

I dropped my phone. It fell screen-side down with a clatter.

Danny squinted against the light in the closet, scratching the top of his head.

I grabbed my phone and shoved it under my laptop. “Did I wake you up?”

He blinked through narrowed eyes. “No, my alarm went off.”

I glanced at my laptop. “It’s already six?”

He stepped in and sank onto the floor beside me, then leaned his head against the wall opposite me. He closed his eyes. “What are we doing again?”

I laughed. “I think you were trying to get ready for work?”

He shook his head. “That can’t be right.” He opened his eyes again suddenly. “You couldn’t sleep?”

I shut my laptop. “Yeah.”

He frowned. “I’m sorry if I stressed you out with everything last night. I guess it doesn’t matter anyway, right? Now that you guys are over.”

My eyes drifted to my phone screen. Things were so complicated with Iann, but I couldn’t help but feel an urge to see him. To be with him. “Danny . . .”

His forehead wrinkled, and he leaned forward. “No. You can’t,” he said firmly. He was wide awake now.

“What you said last night made me think about . . . I mean, how can I blame Iann for Alayna when I haven’t told him a single thing about my past?” I rubbed my dry eyes.

He shook his head. “It’s completely different.”

“I don’t think it is,” I said, quietly. “I didn’t even tell him when my father died.” How can any relationship survive like that?

Danny surveyed me. “You’re exhausted right now. Promise me you won’t do anything.”