More Than Lies (More Than #1)(74)
I walk toward him. That will never happen. Suits and ties aren’t for me. No woman will ever get me down an aisle in a monkey suit, so why bother learning? While Shane jerks on the material, pulling me closer toward him, my mind flashes to Tara and impossible things that will never happen. I shove those thoughts away. No need to let a mind want things it won’t ever get.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
TARALYNN
“Taralynn.” Her commanding tone from directly behind me freezes my feet to the ground. I slowly twist around to face her, not wanting to deal with whatever crap she’s going to throw my way now. She’s been impossible to deal with for the last three days.
The problem is, I don’t have my car. I’ve been stuck at home with my mother since Sunday when I was brought home after waking up with Shawn to find Shane, Pam, and Bill at my house. I’ve tried to help with arrangements and things, but according to the bitch that is my mother, everything I do is wrong. Everything I’ve always done is wrong in her eyes, so of course why would this time be any different?
“Yes, Mother?”
Her eyes criticize me from head to toe. From that look, I can already tell she’s found something wrong with my choice of attire. I haven’t the faintest idea why, though. I’m dressed in a solid black, sleeveless, A-line dress with a modest neckline that falls just to the top of my knees that are appropriately covered in tan pantyhose. I’m wearing the black, patent leather, closed-toe Jimmy Choo pumps she bought me for Christmas. My hair is neatly curled and swept up in a half up-do. I’ve completed my chaste, good little southern girl look with black diamond studs in my ears. The only thing I can imagine she can complain about is that I’m not wearing the matching black jacket to cover my arms.
My mother tells me often that my arms aren’t slim enough to wear anything sleeveless. You would think, considering we are at my brother’s funeral, that what I look like would be the last thing on her mind. But my mother is always concerned about outward appearances. Knowing this, I’m ready to explain that I got hot in the jacket earlier, and accidentally left it on my old bed at my parents’ house. I’m sure she’ll be happy to know that I’ve already regretted my error. I’m cold, and nothing seems to warm the chill in my body.
“Do you need something, Mother?” I ask again, drawing her eyes up to mine. There isn’t one crack in her armor. You would never guess this is the mother of the man lying in a casket in the next room. How can she look so put together when I’m a wreck? The person I love the most is gone. I’ll never see Trent again. How am I supposed to be okay with that? I’m not ever going to be okay with that.
“Yes, I do.” She takes a deep breath, bringing air in through her mouth and exhaling the same way. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe she does have feelings and is trying hard to remain strong. I stopped trying to understand my mother years ago. “I need you to tell Shane he’s needed as a pallbearer.”
Has she lost her damn mind?
“No, I won’t.” Shane is a mess right now. How could she fathom he could do that? She was supposed to arrange everyone needed for that duty. She knows plenty of people, and my dad has a lot of relatives here that can do that.
“You will. I don’t have time for an argument with you today. Go.” She waves her hand, dismissing me.
Not today.
“I said, no, Mother.” I’ve never come right out and denied one of my mother’s requests and I know my voice was much louder than I really intended. I don’t care, though. This is the most absurd thing she’s ever asked. Shane was my brother’s best friend. She can’t expect this of him and I will not allow it. If that means standing up to the evil queen, then so be it.
“Taralynn, keep your voice down,” I glance away from her at the sound of my father’s voice, to see him walking up next to her. “I do not need any extra stress today. Whatever it is Katherine asked of you, please do it.” He always takes her side, no matter what. Rarely does he ask what’s going on. He doesn’t even care, and never has.
“No, Dad, I won’t. And neither of you can make me.” I cross my arms across my chest and stare my mother down. She’s livid. I can tell by the way her eyes are trained on me. They’re hard, and her jaw is locked as if she’s trying to stop herself from saying something.
“Tara?” His voice is questioning. “You okay?” Shawn’s hands land on my hips as his front meets my back. My body relaxes into his as if on reflex.
I glance over toward my dad to make certain he understands my stance on his wife’s request, and if I didn’t know better, I’d think my dad’s eyes were wrecked with panic. He’s no longer looking me in the eyes. He’s glancing back and forth between Shawn’s face and where his palms are resting on my body. My dad knows how I feel about Shawn. If I’m honest with myself, everyone—including Shawn himself—knows I’ve been attracted to him for as long as I can remember. But I also know, just as my father does, that I’m not Shawn’s type. The look my dad is giving us, though, is throwing me off. I push thoughts of Shawn to the back of my mind and focus on the problem in front of me.
“She wants Shane to carry the casket after the service, and I told her no.” My father’s jaw locks, and Shawn’s hands tighten. He doesn’t like the idea any more than I do.