Love Me (WITSEC #3)(29)

Colt, who was behind me, grabbed my shoulders. I felt, because my sight was blurry, one of them move to stand right in front of me. Colt’s hands dropped from my shoulders the moment giant hands grabbed me by my hips and lifted me. I cried into Knox’s shoulder as he carried me somewhere.

Knox set me on a flat surface that felt like a countertop. My face slid from his shoulder to his chest. He stroked the back of my head as I continued to cry. “Can one of you go get the food off the grill?” Knox asked.

“I’ll go,” Keelan said.

“Watch your step out there,” Knox warned. “I dropped my beer when I heard her screaming for me.”

“I’ll go clean it up,” Creed said.

I heard the back door open and close. With how close it sounded, I knew we were in the kitchen.

“Nightmare?” Knox said.

“Yeah,” Colt replied.

Knox sighed. “I’m guessing the pills Dr. Bolton prescribed aren’t working anymore.”

“They work when she takes them,” Colt explained.

Of course, I hadn’t taken one in the middle of the day. They were strictly for bedtime. I hadn’t planned on falling asleep on the couch when Colt, Creed, and I had sat down to watch a movie this afternoon, waiting for Knox and Keelan to get home. Although I wasn’t surprised. I’d been so worn out and exhausted when we’d returned home, I’d had to sit down in the shower to get clean.

“She reopened the cut on her knee,” Knox said.

I pulled back from his chest to get a look. The bandage I had on was hanging by a thread and there was a line of blood making its way down my shin. It must have happened when I had fallen off the back of the couch.

“I’ll get her another bandage,” Colt said and left.

I looked up at Knox, finding him already staring down at me. The helplessness I felt…I couldn’t stand it. “You have a gun,” I said. “Do you know how to use it?”

His eyes narrowed. “I wouldn’t own it if I didn’t.”

“What about them?” I glanced at the back door, wishing Keelan and Creed would come back inside. It made me more and more anxious the longer they were gone. “Do they know how?”

“Look at me.”

I didn’t. I looked toward the hall leading to the twins’ side of the house for Colt instead. The vision of Mr. X standing there popped into my head, making me flinch.

“Shiloh.” Knox’s hand went to the back of my neck and forced me to face him. “You are safe.” His tone was assuring and unrelenting. “We are safe. X doesn’t know where you are.”

“I have a bad feeling.”

“It was just a nightmare.”

“It was the second one I’ve had.” I didn’t know why, but it felt like a warning.

“What do you mean?” Knox asked as I heard the back door open. Knox shot a look over my shoulder before returning his focus to me.

“I normally dream about my family or that night,” I explained. “This is the second time I’ve dreamt of the four of you.”

Knox’s hand began kneading the back of my neck. “Are you able to talk about it?”

“The last nightmare I had, he cut their throats while they were sleeping next to me. Their blood was everywhere. All over the bed, my hands. I couldn’t wake them up. He killed them just like he did Shayla.” Every part of me shook, even my voice.

“Colt and Creed?” Knox said.

I gave him a weak nod. “This dream…” I went on. “It felt like a continuation. It was the middle of the night. He was walking from the twins’ side of the house. I knew they were already dead and how. I had already dreamt it. He looked right at me and didn’t even attempt to come for me. It was as if he knew I couldn’t do anything to stop him—that I would just stand there frozen in fear. It’s what I did that night. I just stood there, even though Shayla told me to run. I watched him cut her throat. I hid as he stabbed my mother over and over and over.” My eyes became blurry with tears again. “When he started walking toward yours and Keelan’s rooms, I couldn’t just stand there. I was scared, but I was more scared of losing you.” I covered my face, crying and overcome with self-loathing. I’d die fighting Mr. X if it meant the four of them would live. I knew it in my bones. How come I hadn’t done the same for my family? “I should have fought for them. I was a coward.”

Knox pulled my hands away from my face. “It’s easy to look back and wish you’d done something different. You’re older and know how to defend yourself now. You’re going over your memories with experience and knowledge that a sixteen-year-old you didn’t have.”

That may have helped ease some of the guilt I had, but it didn’t erase the feeling I had in the pit of my stomach.

I held Knox’s eyes and fisted the front of his shirt. “What am I doing, Knox?”

“Shi—”

“He’ll kill you,” I cut him off as panic took hold of me. “If he finds me, he will kill all of you. You and your brothers. Your family, Knox. You were right. I’m a threat. Because of me, everything you fought to hold together after everything you four have been through will be destroyed. I can’t do this to you. I can’t let this happen.”