Love Me (WITSEC #3)(26)

“Why were you just standing there?” Creed asked him.

“It’s not his fault,” I said. “I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going, again.” Although I had a sinking suspicion Gabe had purposely walked into me so he could have an excuse to threaten me.

“I was waiting for my buddy to catch up,” Derek explained, even though he didn’t have to. “He got talking to this girl at the last obstacle.”

“I’m really sorry, Derek. Are you hurt?” I asked.

He rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m good. You took the brunt of the fall.”

At least there was that. I would have felt really guilty if he’d gotten hurt.

“Race is over, Shi,” Creed said.

“There’s only one more obstacle. I want to finish.” I pushed off the rock and began walking. All my cuts stung with the movement. My knee felt weak, which caused me to hobble.

“Shi…” Isabelle was getting ready to argue.

I didn’t stop walking toward the last obstacle. “I’m fine. I got this.”

“Shiloh.” Colt’s voice was stern, but not full-on Hulk. It still made me stop.

I whirled around, staring him down. “I’m fine.”

Ethan grabbed Isabelle’s hand. “Let’s give them a moment,” he whispered to her, and they continued down the trail.

Creed eyed Derek, who was watching us, or more specifically me. “Why don’t you go find your buddy, Derek?” Creed was clearly annoyed with him for some reason, which annoyed me because he hadn’t done anything to be treated that way.

Derek blinked as if he had broken free from a trance. “Yeah. Sorry,” he mumbled and headed back up the hill.

Once he was gone, Creed looked at me. “What’s going on?”

“Just because I have a few scrapes doesn’t mean I’m broken. I can finish the run,” I answered.

“We don’t think you’re broken,” Creed said.

“I’ve been hurt worse than this,” I argued.

Colt exhaled as if to calm himself down. “We know you’re strong, babe. You don’t have to prove that to us.”

“Maybe I’m trying to prove it to myself.” I hadn’t meant to say that. It was as though the words refused to be just a thought or a secret insecurity. They needed to escape—to be heard—so they didn’t continue tearing me up from the inside.

All I felt all the time was weak. I’d almost let myself give up. I’d let my grief consume me because it was easier. Sure, I was in therapy now and was doing my best to stay determined, but there was always the temptation to give up. The uphill battle of healing was a constant dance of one step forward and five steps back. The progress was slow, disheartening more times than not, and draining, both mentally and emotionally. Strength in the physical sense was easier for me. When I got tired, I could push myself to run one more mile, one more hour, or not stop until I dropped. Physical strength was nothing but progress and that was reassuring in a way. I knew I could finish this run even though I’d had this setback. I knew I was strong enough to push on, and to not made me feel like a failure in the one aspect of my life where I felt like I wasn’t.

“Talk to us, babe,” Colt pleaded softly.

Realizing my issues, I made myself breathe in deeply and exhale slowly. “I’m being too hard on myself, and I was having a moment.” Healing wasn’t a race. I really wished it were, because I’d outrun the world to win if I had to. I glanced at the cut on my elbow. “The next obstacle is another water one. It isn’t a good idea to be fully submerged in disgusting water with a bunch of cuts, so it’s best I skip it.”

They both glanced at each other. Probably surprised at my quick turn of mood.

Colt took my hand. “Do you need me to carry you?”

I shook my head and we continued on toward the finish line.

We caught up to Ethan and Isabelle, who were waiting for us by the last obstacle. When Creed informed them that we were skipping this one, Isabelle’s shoulders sagged. “Me, too. I’m beat.”

“What about your bet?” I whispered.

She just smiled and looked at the guys. “I can walk with her if you want to go do the obstacle.”

“We’re good,” Colt and Creed said at the same time.

“I’m beat, too,” Ethan said.

I stared at all of them and had to resist the urge to cry. I had people. Of course, I knew I had the guys, but there was something about this moment that really showed me what I had. Isabelle had gone up against Gabe for me. Ethan, who was extremely competitive, had forfeited the bet he had with Isabelle. There was a saying that you didn’t realize what you had until it was gone. That was painfully true. But no one really talked about how, after you’d lost everything, it was overwhelmingly wonderful to regain something, or in this case…people who cared about you.

Once we crossed the finish line, we were each handed a goody bag. Inside, there was a T-shirt, a water bottle, a headband, a pen, and stickers. Each item was merch from all the different businesses that had sponsored the mud run.

Colt grabbed my bag to carry. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”

I caught Isabelle and Ethan looking around at all the tents. It was clear they wanted to explore.