Last on the List (Wait With Me #5)(89)

He sets his glass down and shakes his head. “A good partner in life can help lift those burdens.”

His words cause a frisson of anxiety to shoot through my chest. Is this really what I’m ready for? A partner? Someone to share my life with? Just the thought of committing to someone again like I did with Jess feels like a foreign concept. I was so young when I last did it. I’ve lived a thousand lives since then. And who’s to say Cassandra wants this life with me? Who’s to say I’m even in love with her yet? I’m not even sure.

My voice is grave when I admit the fears that still live deep inside me. “What if I’m a shitty partner? I failed once, you know.”

“You didn’t fail.” Dean eyes me thoughtfully. “You succeeded in allowing Jessica to be comfortable enough to be honest with you about her true self. That’s not a failure, Max. Her happiness now is a success story. And you deserve to find your own happiness. You’ve fucking earned it, my friend.”

Our attention is ripped away from each other when the sound of the door that leads into the garage opens. Cassandra’s eyes are wide, and she spots Dean and me.

“Sorry, I thought you guys were outside,” she says, looking guilty. “I was just coming in to refill my water.”

“No need to be sorry,” Dean responds with a friendly smile. “I was just heading out to go save my fiancée from her mother. Weddings, amiright?”

“I wouldn’t know,” Cassandra laughs politely and walks into the kitchen as Dean heads out the back door, looking really fucking obvious. She stands at the refrigerator and refills her water. “Didn’t mean to chase him out.”

“Were your ears burning?” I ask, my eyes drifting down her sexy body that’s covered in sweat and sawdust.

“No…why? Were you talking about me?” she inquires, turning to face me with concern in her eyes. “I thought we were keeping this a secret.”

I shrug. “From Everly, yes. I didn’t think that it mattered if I told Dean. Have you not talked to Dakota about any of this?”

“Yeah, I guess I have.” She bites her lip and glances down at her water bottle. “So what were you talking about exactly?”

“Life,” I reply with a laugh. “The future.”

“The future?” Cassandra looks nervous.

“Yeah.” My eyes narrow on her. “Like, what do you want out of life?”

Her cheeks turn pink as she leans against the island counter. “What do you mean?”

“Career, marriage, babies?” I lift my shoulders up and down like I’m talking about the weather now.

Her eyes widen. “Jesus, we’re skipping some steps here, aren’t we?”

I shrug again, feeling suddenly very motivated to push her on this, like this conversation is going to be the determining factor in my feelings and whether or not I press on or pull back.

“I’m not saying you have to be thinking about any of this with me,” I add, trying to soothe her anxiety. “But I’m just curious what you want out of life.”

“Did you forget I subscribe to the willy-nilly lifestyle?” She laughs nervously and takes a long drink of her water.

“But surely you know if you want kids,” I press, not willing to let her joke her way out of this.

Do I want kids? My eyes instantly lower to her belly and the idea of it swollen with a baby of our own makes my cock thicken in my jeans. Jesus, is this a breeding kink? Is that a thing?

She licks her lips thoughtfully and lifts her brows. “I’d probably like a kid if I could be guaranteed he or she was as cool as Everly.”

I smile and nod. “I can’t find a fault in that.”

“Are you trying to find a fault?” she asks, her brows pinched together.

“I’m trying to find similar end goals,” I answer firmly. “I don’t like sneaking around, and I want to make sure we’re on the same page here.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning that you have real feelings for me and I’m not just a summer fling for you during your Great Defrost.”

“You’re not a summer fling,” she snaps defensively as she wipes at a bead of sweat that’s fallen down her temple. “You’re like…the most unexpected, shocking, sexiest, best surprise of my life.”

Her words send a rush of heat through my body as my lips pull back into a smile. “Do you mean that?” I inquire, stalking toward her to close the space between us. No kid around means I don’t have to give my curvy girl any space.

“Yes, I mean it,” she replies with a laugh as I cage her in, my hands pressed on the countertop on either side of her. “You are an even better surprise than Kate asking me to make cocktuterie boards.”

My brows lift. “Cock what?”

She laughs again and sets her water bottle down on the counter and wraps her hands around my neck. “These crazy charcuterie boards Kate wants me to make. Max, I don’t think you realize that I’m not sure I’d be ready to dive into this adventure with her if it wasn’t for you.”

“Me?” I ask, desperate for her to elaborate. “What did I do?”

She inhales deeply and smiles. “You’ve inspired me to start dreaming again.” Her voice catches, so she looks away as she shakes her head in wonder. Narrowing her eyes, she gazes back up at me. “These feelings I have for you are real and intense, and they make me imagine a completely different life for myself that I wouldn’t allow myself to imagine after my stroke.”