Landon & Shay: Part Two (L&S Duet #2)(82)

The question made more tears fall from my eyes. “No. Are you?”

“Not at all.”





32





Landon





By the time I arrived in Chicago, Greyson already had Karla in an inpatient mental health clinic. I had a taxi take me directly from the airport to the clinic and when I arrived, Shay was sitting in the waiting room, right beside Greyson.

I hurried over to them and didn’t say a word at all. I simply pulled Greyson into a tight embrace and refused to let go any time soon.

“Fuck, Grey,” I muttered, feeling my emotions heightening as I held on to my friend.

“I know,” he agreed, pulling away from me. He pinched the bridge of his nose before wiping the tears that began to fall down his cheeks. “I’ve never been so scared in my life. Landon, if she would’ve taken those pills…” he started.

I shook my head. “She didn’t. She didn’t, Greyson. She’s okay.”

“She’s not okay.” He sniffled and wiped his hand beneath his nose. “She’s so fucking far from okay.”

I didn’t know what to say, because he was right. Karla wasn’t all right, and she wouldn’t be for a long time. I knew those struggles, and the heaviness of the thoughts that came with thoughts of suicide. I knew how it overtook a person and could’ve swallowed them whole.

I’d been there before. I’d lived that life, and it took a lot of time and soul-searching for me to crawl out of that cave of despair.

“Mr. East?” a woman called out. “You can come back now. The exam is over, and your daughter asked for you to be with her for the next steps.”

Greyson hurried away. I raced my hands through my hair and took a deep breath before turning to Shay. “Hi.”

She stood to her feet. “Hi.”

Then, she bombarded me with a hug. She hugged me. Her arms wrapped tightly around my body in a warm embrace. I couldn’t recall the last time Shay hugged me. Hell, it’d been years. Sure, lately our bodies had been falling together, but never in the form of a hug.

I welcomed the embrace.

I needed it, because I felt as if I was seconds away from falling apart.

I cleared my throat as we pulled apart from one another. “How’s your heart?” I pushed out.

She smiled the saddest smile in the world as her brown eyes pierced straight into my soul. “How’s your heart?” she countered.

A few tears fell from my eyes, and I quickly pushed them away. I forced a smile. “Still beating.” Not as strongly as it should’ve, but it was still going strong, because Karla was still in this world with us. We hadn’t lost her, and that felt like the smallest of victories.

We sat down in the waiting room, quiet as time ticked on, but everything around us felt still.

We didn’t exchange words, because there wasn’t much that could’ve been said. I was glad she sat beside me, though, because I needed someone near me. I needed the ever-so-often touch she’d delivered to my shoulder, or my knee to remind me that I wasn’t alone, even though my mind was trying to tell me a different story.

Maybe my heaviness rubbed off on Karla.

Perhaps this is my fault.

Those were some of the lies shooting through my head. Those were the demons I was certainly trying to slay. Every time the thoughts began to grow too big, I’d find Shay’s hand against my shoulder blade, and the weight of the world began to dissolve.

I tapped my foot repeatedly against the tiled floor as my mind spiraled down a long staircase of memories.

“It’s hard to be here,” I quietly confessed.

Shay tilted her head in my direction and frowned. “Because of your uncle?”

“No.” I shook my head. “Because of me.”

Her eyes narrowed with confusion as she looked my way.

A few hours later, Greyson came out and gave me a lopsided smile. He looked exhausted, as if he’d been hit with a semi-truck. “Hey, Karla is asking to see you,” he told me.

I nodded and looked back to Shay. “Are you coming, too?”

She shook her head. “No. I actually doubt she wants to see me, seeing how I’m connected to Eleanor, and that was a big issue. I don’t want to be a trigger for her.”

“Oh.” I tilted my head. “Then why are you here?”

She gave me a tight smile and I knew exactly what her answer was without her even saying it.

She was there because of me.

I think in that moment I fell in love with her all over again.

Truth was, I probably never stopped loving her to begin with.

As I headed back to see Karla, my gut tightened as I walked down the long hallways. The height of my anxiety was through the roof, but I knew I had to be strong, because that little girl needed me to be there for her. I wouldn’t show my weaknesses as I sat beside her.

The clinic had private rooms set up for each of the patients. As I passed by a few of the rooms, I saw decorations against their walls, showcasing their lives. The more decorations, the longer amount of time the individuals had been at the clinic.

I remembered during my time in an inpatient clinic, my walls were emptied at first. Then, each day that passed, I filled the walls with letters.

Letters I’d written for Shay.