Just One Year(20)

I exited the app and clicked on my text icon.



Teagan: I’m not even going to ask how you found out about the singing app.



The dots danced as he typed out a response.



Caleb: It took you bloody long enough! I’ve been dying for your reaction for two days.



Teagan: You’re nuts. And I hate you for doing it. But it cracked me up.



Caleb: I think we give Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello a run for their money, don’t you?



Teagan: I wouldn’t give up your day job just yet, S’moresDude.



I was still smiling from ear to ear when Kai came over for a visit a little while later.

We were just hanging out in my room. I chose not to tell Kai about the attack at the theater because I didn’t want to deal with her reaction. I hoped she hadn’t seen the story on the news, although my name wasn’t mentioned. Between talking to the police over the past week and rehashing everything to my family, I didn’t want to relive it again. So, we were doing what any two girls with nothing major to discuss would be: mindlessly scrolling our phones and ignoring each other.

“I saw Caleb making out with Veronica over by Coolidge Corner yesterday. He had her pinned against the wall of a brick building. I guess they’re still going strong.”

I looked up from my phone. “Why are you telling me this?” My tone was definitely defensive.

“I don’t know. I’m just gossiping, I guess. Normally you’re down for that.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t need to know about Caleb.”

She narrowed her eyes. “Are you…into him now or something?”

“Of course not. Why would you say that? He’s basically like my brother at this point,” I lied.

There was nothing about Caleb that made him seem like a brother. But pretending was my way of hiding any feelings I might have had for him.

“Why would I say that?” she asked. “Because you just snapped at me for telling you something I observed.”

“I get that it was just an observation, but it’s one I don’t need to be told about.”

Kai stared at me for a few seconds. “Because you like him.”

My pulse started to race. “No.”

“Why else would it upset you so much?”

“It doesn’t upset me.”

“Look, I get it. He’s super hot, and from everything I can tell, pretty sweet and personable. You told me you guys have been getting along lately. Why wouldn’t you be a little jealous?”

“It’s just not news. I know he’s with Veronica. I know he has sex with her. The fact that they were kissing is just…not anything new.”

Kai squinted at me and smiled. “So how long have you been in love with Caleb?”

I felt sweat form on my forehead. I instinctively wiped it. “I’m not in love with him.” Realizing that my physical reaction might be giving me away, I decided to concede. “But I am starting to care for him.”

“Define care for him.”

I stood and walked over to the window to hide my face from her. “It doesn’t matter. He has a girlfriend.”

“What if he didn’t?”

“Then I would still keep my feelings to myself because he’s leaving to go back to London at the end of the school year, and nothing good could come from getting attached.” I turned to face her. “But here’s why we really shouldn’t be having this conversation: Caleb doesn’t like me that way. He calls me his ‘pseudo-sister’ and while he may like being around me and might be a little protective, he wouldn’t be interested in me.”

“Well, you do nothing to hint that you might be open to anything. When was the last time you let your hair down or wore something feminine?”

“Feminine is not my style. I’m a jeans and T-shirt kind of girl. You know that.”

“You’re gorgeous, Teagan. And the only reason you aren’t with someone right now is because you choose not to be.”

“I was with Thad for three months.”

She tilted her head. “And how did that turn out?”

“I ended it because I wasn’t sexually attracted to him.”

“Okay, but you knew there wasn’t sexual chemistry before you guys started dating. I think you intentionally choose people you’re not sexually attracted to, because you don’t want to have to worry about sex or all of the feelings that come with it.”

“I’ve had sex.”

“One time in high school ‘just to get it over with’, as you put it, doesn’t really count, Teagan.”

“Sure, it does.”

“Did you have an orgasm?”

“No.”

“Sex without an orgasm is like a candle without fire. Useless. It doesn’t really count.”

***

The following day, I was just leaving campus when Caleb came running across the lawn.

“Teagan, wait up.” He was a bit out of breath by the time he got to me. “Hey!”

I grinned. “Hi.”

He flashed a wide smile as he fell into step with me. “You heading back to the house?”

“Yup.”