Into the Light (The Light, #1)(55)

CHAPTER 17


Sara


As Jacob slipped my nightgown over my head, my mind swirled with the happenings of the evening. I hadn’t known what to expect at service, and it’d been all right, some parts even nice. With both Elizabeth and Raquel helping me, I’d made it through. My two friends alternated directing me, whispering when it was time to stand or time to sit. I tried to hide what had happened between Jacob and me—my correction—but apparently each time I sat down, the truth was evident. The strange thing, the part I struggled to understand, was that neither of my friends thought it was wrong. Elizabeth even told me she was proud of me for being honest. I thought maybe Raquel would respond differently; after all, she was my friend and my nurse. She’d seen my injuries from the accident and should understand that I didn’t need more. Instead she squeezed my hand, told me she understood, and reminded me that when I prayed, I should thank God for a husband who loved me enough to correct me. Though it didn’t make sense, I followed her advice.

Another part of the evening that left me uneasy came after service. I’d made it until the end, and as my reward, I wanted to be alone with my husband. However, that wasn’t what happened. Instead Brother Benjamin came to us and announced that Brothers Luke and Jacob would be delayed, and then he and Raquel took Elizabeth and me with them to another room. The entire time my heart thudded with questions. It was Elizabeth’s squeeze of my hand that told me what her words couldn’t. Not only didn’t we have a choice, we couldn’t ask why. It wasn’t until later, when I overheard Brother Benjamin speaking with another man, that I even knew our husbands were meeting with Father Gabriel. When I heard that, my stomach twisted, sure that their meeting had something to do with me, with what I’d done.

If it had, after Jacob retrieved me, he never mentioned a word. After all, he’d said my infraction had occurred, had been corrected, and was now done—his responsibility. Maybe he was right. It wasn’t that he seemed upset; it was that he’d hardly spoken. I wanted to ask, to learn if I’d done all right at service and what had happened in his meeting, but the evidence of my earlier correction kept my questions at bay.

Jacob had been right when he’d said that the welts would serve as reminders. Without them I might have blurted out the thousand questions I had running through my head or the one invitation I wanted to bestow. Instead, as he helped me into bed and kissed my forehead, I took a deep breath, bit my lip, and silently scooted all the way to the right.

“Sara, if you’re trying to get away from me, the bed isn’t that big.”

“I’m not trying to get away from you. I’m making room for you.”

“What?” he asked.

“You’ve spent every night since I woke sleeping in that chair. I’m sure you’d be more comfortable in the bed.” I held my breath.

He brushed my cheek.

“You don’t . . .”

I reached for his hand.

“Please, don’t punish me. You said I could ask for things I need, just not question. I’m not questioning why you’ve slept in the chair. I’m asking you to please sleep in the bed.”

He exhaled. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

Though the irony of his statement wasn’t lost on me, I heard more than his words; I heard his compassion. His sincerity pulled at my heartstrings and made me smile. “I know it’s up to you, but if I could choose, I’d want you here”—I brushed the space beside me—“with me.” The strong, brave front I’d tried to project while outside this room evaporated. “I . . .” My breathing stuttered. “I missed you during service.” The bed moved as he sat.

“Brother Benjamin . . .”

I nodded. Brother Benjamin had told me of Jacob’s delay. That didn’t mean I liked it.

I scooted closer to the far edge of the bed, near the rail. As Jacob lay back against my pillow, he wrapped his arm around my shoulder and drew me close. Judging by the texture of his shirt, he was still wearing the clothes he’d worn to service. That probably meant he was only pacifying me; nevertheless I curled my body toward him and rested my head on his chest. His subtle scent reminded me of our body wash, fresh and clean; however, as I buried my cheek in the cotton, his signature leather-and-musk cloud filled my senses.

Though I’d hoped to learn more about his meeting, with the events of the day and the warmth of his silent embrace, in no time at all, I began to drift off to sleep. I was nearly there when Jacob moved. Rolling me to my back, he hovered close and smoothed my long hair away from my face.

“Are you still awake?” he asked, his minty breath blowing over me.

“Yes.”

“I’m sorry . . .”

His simple apology had my full attention. I wasn’t sure I remembered hearing those words from him.

“. . . I meant to tell you how well you did at service.”

I smiled. “Thank you. I was scared, but Raquel and Elizabeth were with me the entire time. And Brother Benjamin,” I added, suddenly fearful of not acknowledging that a man had helped.

He continued to run his fingers through my hair. “I didn’t want you to think that I’d been quiet because of anything you’d done. You were perfect.”

It was difficult for me not to ask the questions running through my tired mind, but lying on my back helped me remember. “Thank you, Jacob. I want you to be proud. I’m sorry that I embarrassed you. I’m sure that’s what Father Gabriel was speaking to you about.”