Into the Light (The Light, #1)(38)

“Hopefully, you’ll be able to do both soon.”

I sighed. “I hope so.”

“So, any other memories?”

“Not really. The good news is that things are becoming more familiar.” I smiled as big as I could. “And more comfortable. Like I recognized your voice and smiling doesn’t hurt my face. My side still hurts, but the headaches aren’t as frequent.”

“That’s wonderful, and you’re walking!” Her tone became more serious. “If you do remember anything else, be sure to tell Brother Jacob. I’m sure he was happy you had one memory.”

I found a string on my robe and tugged.

“Sara?”

I didn’t respond.

“You did tell him about remembering running, didn’t you?”

“No, um, I guess I’d forgotten about it, until you mentioned it. Besides, I’m sure he has other things to think about than a few random memories.”

Elizabeth moved closer and touched my knee. Judging from the direction from which her voice came, she was bending or kneeling down on the floor. “A few random? You only said running.”

“Yes, only running and the woods and sunshine. It’s not that big of a deal.”

“Are you taking your medicine?”

“Of course, I don’t have much choice. I don’t even know what I’m taking. Each morning either Jacob or Raquel hands me a cup with pills and I swallow them. I wanted to ask.” I leaned back and sighed. “But I can’t.”

“No, you can’t. You also can’t keep secrets from Brother Jacob. If I didn’t tell Luke something . . . well, let’s just say I’d remember to tell him the next time.”

My muscles tightened. “I wasn’t hiding this from Jacob. I just forgot.”

“Then tell him that. Since you weren’t able to speak when you had the memory, he should go easy on you.” She patted my knee. “Hey, enough about that. Have you been listening to the recordings?”

I nodded, still thinking about Jacob. Would he really be upset over something so trivial? Things were going well. I was doing better with not questioning, yet asking. It wasn’t easy. I wasn’t sure if at one time I had been naturally inquisitive or if it was because I was trying to remember so much. Either way, questioning came too easily. Usually, once I’d start to question, I’d catch myself.

I was petrified when he’d first told me I could speak to anyone who came to see me, but he’d reassured me it was safe. He’d allow only certain people to visit. Nevertheless I knew one of those people would be Sister Lilith. However, ever since the day she’d upset me, she never came alone. Sister Ruth, Brother Daniel’s wife, came with her. I didn’t know if that was Jacob’s doing or not, but I liked Sister Ruth, and the extra company. She didn’t say much. But she was a hugger and always smelled like vanilla. By the way she swallowed my shoulders in her embrace, I believed she was a bigger woman. I might not remember this life, and I’d figured out that women could be freer with their speech with one another than with men, but I knew asking about someone’s weight or size wasn’t appropriate. I didn’t want to offend her. With her present, Sister Lilith never mentioned the accident or my impending punishment. She talked about my position as an Assembly wife and about the importance of my remembering Father Gabriel’s teachings, and we studied.

At first I studied out of curiosity. I wanted to understand our world better. As time passed I found myself desiring to learn more.

“Sara?”

“Sorry. Yes, I’ve been listening to them, a lot. It’s the only noise I have when I’m all alone. I like listening to Father Gabriel’s voice. He’s so knowledgeable. And listening to him and doing my training with Sister Lilith, well, it all makes sense. I guess.”

“You guess?”

“I just wonder why I can’t remember any of it. I mean, it’s very interesting and some of it’s pretty deep. It seems like something I shouldn’t forget.”

“You shouldn’t!” Elizabeth said lightheartedly. “That’s why you’re listening and working with Sister Lilith, so you won’t.”

“Oh, Elizabeth, please tell me something, something about anything outside of this room. I’m going stir-crazy in here. Now that I can walk, I can’t wait to get home.”

“Well, this time of year, there isn’t a lot outside, but the northern lights sure have been gorgeous.”

“Northern lights?”

“You know, the colorful bands of light in the sky, the aurora borealis.”

“Um, yes. I think so.”

“Sara, they’re beautiful. It’s the best part of the dark season . . .”

I tried to picture what Elizabeth described as she went on about the colors. Apparently the lights are usually a brilliant yellow-green, but lately they’d been red, blue, and even purple. The excitement in her voice made them sound even more beautiful. Though I imagined their radiance, I longed for the time when I’d be able to truly see them.

If they’re that visible, why don’t I remember them?

“I thought you needed to be north to see those?” I asked when she paused.

“You do, silly. I don’t think many people are farther north than us—”