Into the Light (The Light, #1)(41)

Is he upset or am I nervous and paranoid?

Panic pricked at my skin as I tried to decipher his mood. Each slap of his shoes against the tile echoed throughout the room, reverberating off the walls and accelerating my already too-rapid pulse. Slowly I turned, summoning what little bit of courage existed within me, and said, “Jacob?”

His steps lightened as he came closer and brushed my forehead with his lips. I didn’t understand why we hadn’t shared another kiss like the one over a week before. Maybe he knew I still needed to heal and didn’t want one thing to lead to another. Right now I didn’t know what I wanted. It was probably absolution.

“How was your afternoon?” he asked.

Shit! What does that mean? Do I have to tell him everything, or does he already know?

I wanted to ask, but I knew better. All I could do was answer. Moving my legs to the side of the bed, I sat, smoothed my hair, and replied, “Eventful.”

“Really? Do tell.”

The slight humor to his tone gave me strength. “Elizabeth came to see me.”

“She did? That was nice. Did you have a nice chat?”

“Jacob, while Elizabeth was here . . .” My words trailed away.

“Did something happen?”

My face paled, my stomach twisted, and a sheen of perspiration coated my skin. Fighting the nausea, I went on. “Yes, actually. Do you remember . . .” No, stupid, that’s a question. I rephrased. “I remembered that you said I could speak to anyone who came to my room.”

“Yes. Of course you may speak to Elizabeth.”

“Jacob, Father Gabriel came here this afternoon.”

“Go on.”

Shit! Shit! He’s too calm.

“Sara, tell me about Father Gabriel’s visit.”

“Well, at first I was shocked. I knew his voice the moment he spoke. I’ve been listening to his recordings.” The sentences ran together. “He was very nice and said that he wants me at service tonight, that he missed seeing me sitting with the Assembly wives, and that he was glad I was feeling better. Oh! And he told Elizabeth that she could assist me tonight, because I guess you have to sit with the Assembly.” I took a breath.

“Then I guess we’d better both get ready for service tonight.”

I nodded, swallowing the bile that had made its way from my stomach.

“Is that all?” he asked.

“All . . . that he said? Yes, I think.”

He sat beside me and reached for my hand. “Perhaps you should think harder.”

Tears trickled from my bandaged eyes. “I’ve told you before that I’m not good at this.”

“You are. You were. You just need to be reminded.” He cleared his throat. “I won’t ask again.”

I took a deep breath. “I may have questioned Father Gabriel.”

“You may have?” He asked, still too calm. “You don’t know?”

I stood and moved away from him. Holding on to the back of the chair for support, I replied, “I’d forgotten what day of the week it was. I mean, every day is the same. When he said he wanted me at service, I forgot it was Wednesday. I was shocked he meant tonight.”

“And what did you say?”

“I repeated tonight, and my tone may have sounded like a question, because Brother Timothy made a noise. As soon as he did, I realized what I’d done, and I said it again and told him that I’d be happy to be there. I added with your permission. I tried to make it seem like I didn’t question”—my run-on sentence was interrupted only by muffled sobs—“but I did.” I took a breath. “And after he left, I whispered a curse word to Elizabeth, which apparently makes me vulgar.” I confessed the last part dejectedly.

“Oh! I didn’t know about the swearing.”

I nodded with a sigh.

“Is there anything else?”

“Yes,” I might as well admit everything. “Brother Timothy never spoke while he was here. I didn’t even know it was him with Father Gabriel until later when I asked Elizabeth. I said I thought it was rude of him to not announce his presence”—I shrugged—“since I can’t see. And, well, she reminded me that as women we aren’t owed men’s words, and thinking I was owed them made me prideful.”

Jacob lifted my chin. “If I’m keeping count, we now have questioning, vulgarity, and pridefulness. You did have an eventful afternoon.”

I shrugged, completely thrown off by his calm tone. “Will we still be going to service?”

“Yes.”

Maybe that is all there is. Maybe I just need to confess?

“May I get ready?”

“Do you really think I can let this behavior pass?”

My heartbeat came back to my ears, echoing louder than before as my body began to tremble. What was he going to do? “I’m very sorry. I am trying.”

“Yes, Sara, you are. While the vulgarity and pridefulness are new, we’ve been working on the questioning for some time now.”

“And I’m getting bet—”

His finger touched my lips.

“There is still room for improvement. Don’t you agree?”

With his finger still in place, I nodded.

“I believe it’s time for a lesson in consequences, a punishment to help you remember.”