Indefinite (Salvation #6)(45)

Quinn looks at me as though I’m nuts, which I am, but he doesn’t get it. This is a box women would buy just to have. It’s dumb and materialistic, but there’s something about this brand that makes chicks a little stupid.

“Then I’ll open it.”

I snatch my hand back and slap his with my other. “Don’t touch it.”

His smile is wide. “Then please, fragolina, before we miss our reservation, see what I got you.”

There’s an impatience in his voice I haven’t heard before. Is he nervous? That’s freaking cute. “Fine.” I gently pull on the ribbon and then lift the lid. Inside is a little Tiffany-Blue bag. I smile as I open it and see a silver ring. It’s an infinity symbol.

“When I saw it,” Quinn starts talking, “I couldn’t help thinking about what an infinity sign means. There’s no beginning and there is no end.” He takes the ring from my fingers and puts it on me. “Sort of like us. We didn’t have a beginning, and I never want there to be an end.”

Oh, my freaking heart is melting.

My fingers shake as I look at it until the tears are so thick the ring becomes too hard to see. I lift my gaze back to his, and then his palms are cupping my cheeks and his thumbs are softly wiping away the tears. My heart is pounding so hard I can’t breathe.

I can’t go on this date without telling him.

There is no way I can endure any kind of public . . . anything.

Plus, he says he doesn’t want an end, but what if this is the end? What if, when I tell him that he’s going to have a kid, he sees that his entire life will alter and decides he doesn’t want it?

Quinn grew up with an asshole father and a mother who wasn’t worth the air she breathed. He’s said time and time again that having a child when you’re not ready isn’t fair to the kid. Sure, I was ready and I would never be the kind of mother that he had, but I don’t think he is ready.

I have to say it.

“Ashton?” he calls my name while tears continue to fall.

I wanted a date, but it’s not fair to do to him.

“Why are you crying, sweetheart?” Quinn asks with a soft laugh.

Because I’m about to ruin everything.

My lips part, chest heaving as another tear slides down my face. “I’m pregnant.”

His head jerks back as though he’s been struck. “Already? You went through with a procedure? Already?”

Oh, how I wish it were that way. Then he wouldn’t look at me like I kicked him. “No.” My voice is soft and sounds deflated. “Not already. Not like that.”

“But you . . . I was gone a few fucking days!”

“Quinn, listen to me,” I say with more strength than I feel. “I’m saying that we’re pregnant. You and me. Us. It’s your baby.”

He looks at me, but it’s more like he’s looking through me. As though the words I’m saying aren’t really registering in his mind, which I understand because I pretty much had my own out-of-body experience when I found out.

Being told you’re having a baby when you weren’t actually trying isn’t easy to digest.

Quinn’s eyes gloss over, and he doesn’t say a word.

I move my hand in front of his face, but he doesn’t so much as blink.

I think I broke him. Who knew? The guy who keeps calm in war has a weakness: unplanned pregnancy.

“I’ll wait,” I say and then sigh.

“I’m just . . .”

“Yeah.”

He shakes his head. “You’re sure?”

“Yup. I’m sure. We’re having a baby.”

His eyes open and close a few times as though he’s escaping whatever fog he was in. “Okay. A baby. I wasn’t expecting that.”

“Oh, neither was I when I went to the clinic for the medication to get pregnant.”

Quinn moves over toward the couch and then leans against it. “How are you feeling?”

“Conflicted.”

The word hangs around us, but at least it’s honest. I’m happy because I wanted a baby, and in a part of my heart, it has always been him I’ve wanted one with. He’s the man I would’ve built a life around, and here we are, kind of doing it.

Just not the way we thought.

“What about physically? Are you okay? Is the baby okay?”

I move closer to him and nod softly. “We’re all okay as far as I can tell. I’m very early on. So much so that a home pregnancy test probably wouldn’t have picked it up. If one did, it would’ve been difficult to read and I would have still had to go to the clinic for confirmation.”

He stands straight as though to move closer to me but then stops. “We didn’t use a condom.”

“No, and I’ve been off the pill for a bit.”

Slowly, a smile creeps across his face.

“Why are you smiling? I’m a mess!”

“I’m not,” he says after a second.

“You’re not what?”

“Conflicted or a mess. I’m . . . I don’t know . . . relieved?”

Now, I’ve heard it all.

“You’re relieved that we’re going to have a baby?”

When Quinn moves again, he doesn’t hesitate as he takes my hand in his. “Yeah. I love you, Ashton Caputo. I love you, and I hated the idea of you ever having another man’s baby. Would I have done what you needed if it happened that way? Yes. Would I have fucking hated it? Yup. Do I love the fact that you’re going to have a baby with me? Yes, yes I do. The fact that I got you pregnant . . . I’m fucking elated. I mean it when I say I don’t want us to have an end.”