How to Kill Men and Get Away With It(44)

Within minutes, I reach a shuddering climax and feel myself clench around his fingers, leaving them drenched in my appreciation. I pull his hand out of my trousers and hungrily lick myself from him, not dropping eye contact.

‘Hmm,’ he says. ‘It really is all in the wrist.’

‘You wait.’

‘I can’t. You’re a bad girl, Kitty Collins.’

‘Just order a bloody car already.’





36


CHARLIE’S FLAT, CLAPHAM JUNCTION

‘I really don’t know why you’ve been so funny about me coming round,’ I say later, as we’re lying naked in Charlie’s bed, the very last of the light sneaking in through the Venetian blinds covering the big Victorian bay window. ‘It’s lovely here. Perfect.’

‘It’s rented. Mostly cold. There’s a definite damp issue and I’m pretty sure I share it with a family of mice.’

‘You say all of those things like they’re bad. Rented? Jesus Christ, my apartment is paid for from blood money. Literally. Cold? If you hadn’t noticed we’re in the middle of a quite impressive heatwave. Damp? Everywhere has damp. And as for the mice? I think they’re cute.’ I reach across to his cheek and turn his face to mine. ‘You were really embarrassed? Why?’

‘I want you to be impressed by me.’

I sit up. ‘Charlie. I am impressed by you. I don’t give a fuck where you live. I’m impressed with you. You.’ I reach for his hand. ‘You’re funny, kind, compassionate, sexy as fuck. And as for this guy,’ I put his fingers in my mouth and gently suck them, one by one, ‘we definitely need to spend more time getting acquainted.’

He looks at me. ‘Really?’

‘Yes. Really.’

‘Comparing myself to some of your exes is an interesting experience.’ He frowns. ‘Not a nice one.’

‘Absolutely do not do that. For a start most of what you’ve read online is utter bullshit. And secondly, you are a hundred times, a thousand times the man any of them could ever be.’

He still looks sulky.

‘Look at you. Can you imagine Ben or any of his ilk walking away from daddy’s money? Setting up on their own? And doing something to actually help other people? I thought women were supposed to be neurotic and jealous.’

‘So, just let me get this straight, you really don’t care that I basically live like a student?’

‘No. And I’m horrified that you thought I’d judge you like that.’ I fake pout.

‘Looks like I’ve got some making up to do then.’ He leans over and kisses my lips. ‘You really have a beautiful mouth. I mean, your face is obviously gorgeous, but your lips. I need to kiss them.’ He kisses them. ‘And taste them.’ He gently suckles on my lower lip. ‘And bite them.’ His hands urgently reach round my back and he pulls me closer to him, his teeth nipping my mouth. ‘And fuck them.’

I mean, he’s already miles ahead of Rupert.





37


KITTY’S APARTMENT, CHELSEA

I’m on a Charlie-high for the next few days and am delighted that I can tell Hen and everyone that I’ve now been to Charlie’s place. And it’s not a drug den, portal to an evil dimension or brothel.

‘Not even some mysterious stains that could be blood? Or a dodgy-looking shed with an industrial lock?’ Hen’s WhatsApp seems disappointed.

‘Nope. Not even a murder cage. He’s just normal.’

‘Oh.’

She may be disappointed, but I am very much not. Not until he tells me that he has to go away for a work thing for a couple of nights. We’ve basically spent every night together for the past week and a half, so it’s not a bad idea to get some space, but a loud thumping starts in my head. This is what happens when I get attached to people. This is why I haven’t had a relationship since Adam. And this is why, an hour or so after Charlie leaves for his trip, I find myself scrolling through my phone again. Agitated. I know I’m going to end up driving myself crazy, convincing myself that he’s secretly fucking Jenna or someone. I need a distraction, so I open Tinder.

I know who I’m looking for this time. A personal trainer called Niall King. Like Daniel Rose, I spotted him in a news report a couple of days ago. He’d been let off by the judge after following a woman home and attacking her. Fortunately, she managed to escape but the next one – and there’s always a next one – might not be so lucky.

According to the report, they’d met on Tinder but she didn’t want to see him again after their first date. Obviously, this was too much for his fragile ego and he decided that stalking her would convince her to change her mind. I blame Hollywood for this. There’s still some notion that continually trying to win over a woman who has quite clearly expressed having no interest in you is romantic.

The judge didn’t feel it was necessary to send Niall to prison, despite admitting he ‘posed a threat to women’. Instead, he was ordered to attend a behavioural programme and do two hundred hours of community service.

A fucking behavioural programme.

Well, if the law isn’t going to get this man off the streets, then I certainly will.

It’s time for me to get creative and make myself another new Tinder profile. This time I pick a photo from Google of a doe-eyed blonde, whom I call Kelly. Kelly is recently separated from her partner, whom she has three little kids with, and is looking for someone understanding and patient to help rebuild her life.