How to Kill Men and Get Away With It(43)

‘Dare I ask why we need axes? I’m guessing this isn’t a Michelin tasting venue?’

‘Axe throwing.’ He wiggles his eyebrows at me. ‘What d’ya reckon? Loser buys dinner?’

The stairs lead us to a huge room, which is divided into long sort of booth things. Each booth has what looks like a dartboard at the end of it. There’s an umbrella stand full of sharpened axes at the entrance to the booth. Clipboard lifts one out and brandishes it at us.

‘So obviously, these are extremely dangerous,’ she says. ‘I know you’re not idiots but I do need you to both sign a waiver just in case there’s an accident. Or it turns out you’re an axe murderer or something.’

I laugh.

Clipboard and Charlie stare at me.

‘It was a good pun. Axe-ident? It was funny.’

Charlie does a little laugh, but Clipboard is still staring at me. I guess health and safety isn’t something to be joked about here. Or maybe she’s heard the same thing a gazillion times.

‘So, have either of you ever done anything like this before?’ I want to laugh again.

‘No. Kitty?’

I shake my head, not trusting myself to open my mouth.

Clipboard gives us a short chat about getting a spin on the axe being key and to not stand behind someone if they’re waving an axe around in the air. I wonder if there’s a story behind her having to point this very obvious thing out. She makes us sign something on the clipboard, which I realise is actually an iPad, and then saunters off. But not without giving Charlie’s arse a good ogle as he bends down to pick an axe out of the stand. Not that I can blame her. I give her a wink and she scurries off.

‘So, this is an odd choice for a pacifist,’ I say to Charlie, who’s weighing up two axes.

‘Yeah. I’m still a man though. Got to find an outlet for all my hunter-gatherer instincts somewhere.’

‘Throwing axes at an oversized dartboard is definitely the solution you’ve been looking for.’

‘Indeed. Well, ladies first. Are you ready?’

‘You go first. I want to see what I need to beat.’

Charlie flexes his arms, takes a big backwards stride and swings the axe at the target. It spins a couple of times before falling limply on the ground.

‘Hmm. I really thought I’d be a natural at this.’

‘Based on what exactly?’

‘Man. Man use axe to kill food for woman.’

I laugh as I pick up an axe.

‘It’s all in the posture,’ Charlie says.

‘Well, I am not taking advice from someone who can’t even hit the target, am I now?’

‘Fair. At least be careful of your nails though. If there’s an emergency nail bar visit on the cards, you’re on your own.’

I roll my eyes at him and get ready to take my swing. It spins through the air like a shuriken, straight into the centre of the target. I turn to look at Charlie next to me. His jaw is on the floor.

‘Still want that bet?’

A man from the adjacent booth is watching through the chicken wire wall. He does a sharp intake of breath and shakes his head at Charlie.

‘Out of your depth there, mate,’ he says.

I can almost see Charlie’s male bravado scuttle away. Maybe I’ve played this wrong. Is he angry? I feel my anxiety prickle the base of my neck as I wait for him to react. What the fuck is that about?

Charlie shrugs and laughs. ‘Well, at least I know someone’s got my back on the mean streets of London. I’m glad I’m on her side.’ He turns to me. ‘So, what’s that about? Do you slay vampires in your spare time or something?’

‘Abattoir Princess,’ I remind him. ‘Not my first rodeo with an axe.’

‘Ahh. Of course. I didn’t realise you still, er, kept a hand in?’

‘I don’t. I suppose axe throwing is just one of those things. You’ve either got it or you haven’t.’ I give my hair a pretend toss. ‘The secret’s in the wrist.’

‘That’ – Charlie ushers me to the side and goes to collect our axes – ‘is something you can show me later.’ He pauses, mid-stride, staring at the target. ‘Less aggressively though.’

The rest of the evening is pleasant enough, but we both decide after about an hour and a half that throwing an axe at a target has a certain time limit on how entertaining it can be.

‘What do you want to do now?’ Charlie asks as Clipboard marches us down the stairs and ushers us into the London night. ‘Food somewhere?’

‘How about we just go back to yours?’ I say. ‘We’re closer here anyway. And I want to check out your crib.’

He pulls a face. ‘Really?’

I nod as I slip my arm through his. ‘Really. I mean, Jesus, what are you hiding in there?’

‘Urgh. Fine.’ He looks at me, brushes a stray hair out of my face. ‘You’re lucky you’re so hard to say no to.’

‘Speaking of hard.’ I run my hand down his torso, letting it linger at the top of his jeans before sliding it inside them.

Charlie smiles as he tries to pull up the Uber app on his phone. He gives up after a couple of seconds of my stroking him.

‘Whoever said men cannot multitask was absolutely fucking right.’ He drops his phone into his pocket, before turning to me, grabbing my hair and pulling me in for a kiss. But this is a different side to Charlie. The axe throwing and alfresco hand job have clearly stirred something in his animal brain. The kiss is almost aggressive in its need. His teeth grip my lips as he pushes me up against the wall. With his left hand, he pins my arms behind my back and his right hand slips into my leggings, then into my underwear. ‘You’re so wet already.’ He bites my earlobe as he whispers to me, before continuing the assault on my mouth. He pulls away for a split second, looking into my eyes. His pupils are so huge his eyes look completely black. ‘Is this okay?’ I nod, wriggle my hands free and pull him closer to me, hooking one leg around his waist to give him better access. ‘Fuck, I love feeling how turned on you are for me.’