How Not to Drown in a Glass of Water (44)

I cried. But I did not cry alone that night. In truth, many people knew and loved La Vieja Caridad because she was the last of the viejas in the building. Even Fernando loved her because she always carried candy in her bag for the children.

Without planning, we all ate dinner together to remember her. I cooked for everybody that wanted to come. I made the chicken, the ribs, the moro with habichuelas negras, the plátanos, and the salad of aguacate.

Hernán brought two bottles of wine. I made the table more big so we could all sit together. ángela came early to help to organize the chairs. We never know who will appear, so it’s good to be ready. And, let me tell you, you will be proud of me and my behavior management with the children. When Julio took the chicken and ran around the house doing a mess, I did not yell or grab him so he could behave. I said, in a very calm way, Julio, food is for eating. Please come to the table. I did!

Of course, he did not pay attention to what I said, because no behavior management will change his character, but I could see that ángela was impressed by me. That’s when I realized that another one of the visions of Alicia the Psychic came true. Remember? She saw me in a table full of people and I was holding a check. At that moment, there was no check, but she was right about the table and the people. And this made me think that my fortune was coming.



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When La Vieja Caridad died, I had many strange dreams. In one of them I was waiting for the train and I saw a woman, much more young than me. She had a stroller that was going to fall into the tracks, and there was a baby in there. She was falling asleep and not paying attention. So when the train came to us, I grabbed the stroller and pulled it back. When I saw the woman’s face, it was me. A more young me. From when I came to New York with $10 and Fernando on my hip. He was all the time on my hip. And he was heavy. I was alone with no family to hold him so I could rest.

I say this like if my mother ever helped with Fernando when I was still back home. She had three children, but she didn’t like having us. This was clear.

If my mother had been born in New York I think she would’ve lived like La Vieja Caridad, free from children, but, instead of a dog, my mother would’ve had birds. In Hato Mayor she fed many birds. One time I saw Mamá dancing to a song by herself, and when she saw me, she stopped. I don’t know why she had to hide to be happy from us. I think she loved my father. He was a basket that could hold water. But she didn’t choose him. When she had fourteen years he took her to his house and she never left. Same story with her mother. That’s how things were done.

Mamá did very little for me. But one day she gave me a piece of paper with a New York address and said, If you want, you can go there.

You ever heard the expression, When you’re hungry, no bread is too hard to eat?

You and I know nothing is free. I left home with my skin pegá to my bones. A small bag filled with a few things. Fernando close to my chest. I ate the stale bread and focused on finding work and making money. I didn’t want to depend on no man for the ceiling over my head or the food I eat. Punto final.

We first lived in a room in a building a few blocks from here. The address was from a cousin who had made the travel, years before. I paid $40 a week. The lady who owned the apartment gave the bed, the sheets, the towels, and the use of the kitchen for one hour a day. I had secured the job in the factory, and a place for Fernando in the day care nearby. I made relations fast with another mother—for $10 a week, she took Fernando to the day care so I could take the van going to the factory.

Look, only a mother knows what a mother does. After working I would take care of Fernando’s needs. Including pumping the milk for four years. I gave him the breast for four years, even if it emptied me. Leche de oro. Never did he get sick on me. It also kept Fernando close to me and healthy.

In that time, we were alone together. My body maintained him calentito in the winter when we had no heat. He needed me to survive. When I hear the words in the English coming from his mouth, I thought maybe he could have a more easy life because people would listen to him. This helped me to survive.

So, yes, I was a good mother to Fernando, but I can now see that I was also this mother in the dream, young, afraid, alone, falling asleep near the tracks of the train.



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The super wanted all the furniture out of La Vieja Caridad’s apartment by the first of the month, so I only had a few days. That is why I couldn’t come to see you. La Vieja Caridad’s niece lives in Europe, so she could not help me. I spent many hours separating the things that La Vieja Caridad sold to the Next Life Furniture Store before she died. I had to wait for them to pick it up. Then, between all of us, we took the table, the painting, the clock. All the things that were left.

And then when I looked through La Vieja Caridad’s papers inside the tin box, I found a letter to me. Yes, she left me a letter. Signed. Official. Incredible.

Do you understand what I am trying to tell you? Alicia the Psychic was right. I was holding the money on the street from the lotto. I was around the table with the people. And then I discovered that a check of $5,600 was coming to me from La Vieja Caridad.

Can you believe it?

You do? You believe in Alicia the Psychic too?

Oh, you believe in me? Ha! You are making me very emotional. Of course, you are right. I took good care of La Vieja Caridad. But I never did anything for La Vieja Caridad for money. Never.