Heidi's Guide to Four Letter Words(46)

He rests his arm along the back of the seat and his other hand on the steering wheel as he turns his body to face me. I turn toward him as well, pulling my left leg up and resting the side of my knee on the seat so I can fully face him.

“My aunt called me cute,” I tell him.

He continues looking at me, the soft glow of the lights on either side of his garage door illuminating the inside of his truck enough that I can see the curious expression on his face.

“Okay. And that’s a bad thing?”

“All my life, I’ve been called cute. ‘Oh, you’re so cute!’ ‘Isn’t she cute?’ This guy named Pugsley and I were named cutest in our high school class. Not most likely to succeed, not most musically talented or most athletic, or best looking… cutest,” I explain with a sigh. “Now, I know it sounds ungrateful to complain about something that people usually mean in a nice way. I do have freckles in the summertime, which made my dad call me cute nose all the time. And I suppose being cute has gotten me out of detention and a traffic ticket or two, which is probably unfair, but hey, you use what you got, right?”

Brent laughs softly and nods. “I’m with you so far.”

We both lean in a little closer to each other as I continue.

“Just hear me out. When I’m in a group of people and I speak up to share an idea or add a story to the conversation and other people say, ‘Oh, isn’t she cute?’ it feels like I’m a puppy getting patted on the head. It’s like the Minnesota Nice version of shut up. That’s one of the only things I loved most about being a kindergarten teacher. To my kids, I was funny, nice, and also sometimes strict, in charge, someone they turned to because I knew things about the world. They never once called me cute, and you know what? Even when I thought they were cute, I would try to praise something else, something specific, something they could do, not just ‘being cute.’”

Brent slides closer to me on the bench seat until our knees are touching, leaning in even more until his face is only a few inches away from mine, not saying a word, just listening, and letting me get all of this out.

“And when I had crushes on guys and I found out through the grapevine that they thought I was cute? Kiss. Of. Death. Because I heard those same guys talk about other girls in our class, after the girls passed by in the hall, or finished a class presentation or a cheerleading routine. They’d say, ‘She’s so hot!’ doing anything they could to make that girl notice them,” I continue, talking faster and getting slightly more passionate—also known as loud and annoyed—with every word. “Like Kirsten Hanson, whose default expression was always like she’d just smelled a fart. Boys tripped over themselves to get her to acknowledge their existence. Is that what guys want? Some snobby girl who acts like she hates everybody? I didn’t know what to do with that information. I wasn’t a snobby girl. I was dorky and talked a lot, when I wasn’t being nervous and shy and awkward. I just don’t want to be treated like a puppy, you know? I’m more than that. I’m more than just cute.”

When I finally run out of steam, I realize Brent’s hand, which was resting on the back of the seat next to me, slid over my shoulder and up around to the back of my neck while I was talking. He’s looking at me so seriously right now that it’s making me nervous.

“When I tell you you’re adorable, I hope to God you know I am not patting you on the head. It means you make me happy, you make me laugh, and you make me want to be a nicer person,” he tells me with conviction, his hand tightening slightly on the back of my neck, inching my face closer to his. “When I tell you you’re adorable, I’m telling you I notice you. From the minute I moved in next door, I noticed you. I know you’re more than cute. You’re beautiful, smart, funny, and sexy. You’re someone who knows what she wants and goes for it.”

He’s giving me a hint, right? This is a hint? Oh shit, hell, damn, dick! Please let this be a hint.

“I do know what I want,” I tell him firmly, my eyes trailing down to stare at his lips.

“What do you want?”

After a few seconds of staring at his mouth, my eyes move back up to his and I swallow thickly, pushing the nerves away.

“To kiss you,” I whisper.

He smiles.

“So, kiss me.”

Without giving it another thought or moment of worry, I grab onto the front of Brent’s T-shirt and pull him the rest of the way to me, tipping my chin up and pressing my lips to his.





Chapter 23





Heidi’s Discount Erotica, Episode 8


“Welcome to Heidi’s Discount Erotica, do-do-do! I’m so sorry it’s been a few weeks since my last podcast. I read all your comments on my website after my last one, and you guys are just so sweet checking in on me! Someone asked if I had an address they could send something to, and at first, I was just going to throw it out there, because this is Waconia and I know pretty much everyone. But oh jeez, there are a lot of you listening now! Last time I checked, I was up to four thousand listeners. This is just so crazy!

“Anyway, I’m pretty sure you’re not all from Waconia or I’d probably be banned from church on Sunday. Penelope suggested I get a post office box for listeners to send me things. So, I did it! And I already got my first piece of mail. Someone who didn’t leave their name on the envelope sent me a very nice, laminated card with a ton of different words for penis. It’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. Who knew there were so many words? I’m hoping if I read this thing for you guys out loud, it will give me some more magical powers of confidence.