Grounded (Up in the Air, #3)(37)

“You can’t put a spin on what I saw, Javier. Vance was all over you, and you weren’t so much as twitching. You weren’t even trying to pull away.” I tried not to raise my voice, but it was a struggle.

He put a hand on my knee, as though it was involuntary—as though he couldn’t help the touching.

I pushed it off. “Don’t,” I said, my voice low and mean.

I tried not to be affected as a lone tear trailed down his cheek.

“To explain what you saw I have to explain a little of what Vance and I were like together.” He swallowed hard, and I watched his throat work. I made myself look back into his eyes.

“We were toxic,” he said. “We were that drama couple. It was just about the only thing we had going for us. He was obsessed with me, and I was immature enough to think that was enough to make a relationship work. He stroked my ego, and I made him crazy, and he liked being crazy. He wanted a reaction from me, always. Whether that reaction was good or bad, he didn’t really care. He would say or do something horrible to me, and I would react, and he loved it. It got to the point where we could have been the same person, as far as the relationship was concerned. We did hurtful things, we said hurtful things, and we didn’t even love each other. That’s the emptiest feeling, to know that you would hurt someone else just to feel something. I’m not proud of it, but I have been that person. I am not that person now.”

He put that hand back on my knee, and I didn’t push it away, even thinking that I should. He moved closer, bumping his hips between my knees until they parted enough to let him move closer. I could see his other hand trembling as he put it on my chest.

I kept my hands to myself, but I let him touch me.

“Vance is still that person. He’s still obsessed with me, obsessed with what we had, even though it ended more than three years ago. He pulls stunts, wanting nothing more than a reaction from me. I learned a long time ago that the best thing to do was not to give him one. Not to give him anything at all. Not even so much as a twitch…”

He moved closer slowly, giving me every opportunity to tell him no. He moved until he could nuzzle his face into my chest. My breathing grew ragged.

“He kissed me to get a reaction. He wanted me to fight him, slap him, chew him out, anything at all. So I gave him nothing at all. I waited passively for him to finish, for him to realize that I don’t care enough anymore to give him that reaction.”

I gripped a hand into that thick black hair. I pulled his face back until he was looking directly into my eyes again. “Are you saying that he assaulted you? That he’s done it before? He put his hands on you, knowing that you didn’t want him to touch you?”

Those dark mysterious eyes opened wide, their depths turning a little panicked. He moved close against me, running soothing hands over my shoulders.

“Yes,” he finally answered.

I grew stiff as a board, my mind going a bit hazy and red with temper.

“Don’t do anything rash, Stephan,” he pleaded. “He’s not worth it.”

A picture of Vance came into my head, a very clear picture of me pounding his face in. I would destroy him in a physical altercation. It wasn’t even a question. He was a little short, a little thin, with a handsome face that I’d have no problems messing up.

“Why do you still hang out with him? Why did we meet up with him tonight, if he’s like that?”

“I’m good friends with all of his friends. I’m close with everyone on that crew, and he swore he wouldn’t push me around anymore. And with you there, I didn’t think he’d even be able to. I didn’t imagine he’d try something the second you left my sight. And I figured if he did, you’d defend me. I’m not a fighter.”

My eyes widened in horror. “Are you saying that he assaulted you, I saw it, and then I walked away? Is that what happened back there?”

I tried to stand but he clung to me tightly. “It’s not a big deal,” he said very softly. “Just don’t break up with me because of a misunderstanding. Please. I’m begging you, Stephan.”

“You don’t think it’s a big deal that someone pushes you around in front of me, and I just walk away?”

He rubbed his cheek across my chest, and I swallowed hard. “Vance doesn’t bother me. This was his last chance to be civil, and he blew it. I’ll stay far, far away from him. The only thing that he could do to hurt me now is cost me you. I love you. I know I said I needed time, but that was a big fat lie. I fell in love with you more than a year ago, and those feelings never went away, not for me. I was just trying to protect my heart when I told you that I needed more time to fall for you. I’ve been here all along.”

I wasn’t one to analyze a good thing to death. I studied his earnest face and let myself fall all over again. I believed him, and loved him, and that was enough for me.

I ran my hands through his pitch-black hair, gripping it into my fists to pull his face close. I kissed him hard and he melted against me. He pushed his chest against mine, rubbing.

I pulled back. “No more drama. I can’t stand this stuff. And if I see Vance again, I’m kicking his ass. You can warn him, if you want, but that’s what’s going to happen.”

He just nodded, giving me a little smile. That smile was trouble. The good kind. I kept my hands gripped in his velvety hair as he began to kiss my chest. My head fell back as he moved that wicked mouth lower with a purpose. The things Javier could do with his mouth boggled my mind. He had a rare and exquisite talent. He tugged my shorts off, and I let him work his magic.