Gentleman Sinner(18)

‘I haven’t been on holiday for over ten years.’

‘I have loads of bikinis. Feel free to borrow.’

I give her a look that Jess reads well, guilt swooping in and invading her pretty face. ‘Don’t look at me like that,’ I warn, and she forces her face into a smile. ‘It’s cool.’

‘I think you should wear a bikini and own it,’ Jess says, pushing my wine across the table.

‘I’ll be stared at for all the wrong reasons.’ Taking a sip of my wine, I find my hand on my midriff, circling the spot where the only physical reminder of him remains. I shudder, and Jess doesn’t miss it.

‘I might buy a new swimsuit myself.’ She stands and comes to me, kissing my forehead while I smile. ‘There’s some amazing designs this season.’

Her gesture is sweet but not necessary. ‘Shut up,’ I say, gently pushing her away.

She goes with ease, skipping out of the kitchen, leaving me thinking about what else needs to be added to my list in an attempt at diverting my mind from more unpleasant thoughts.

‘Izzy,’ I hear her call, and I drag myself up, heading for her room. But I don’t make it there, stalling in the hallway when I see her standing at the door. ‘It’s for you,’ she says, biting her bottom lip and pulling it open to its widest, revealing a man standing on the doorstep.

My relief is profound when I note it’s not Theo. It’s Callum, and he’ll be much easier to refuse. I walk forward and replace Jess in the doorway, spotting a Mercedes parked out front. ‘Hi,’ I say, all smiley and polite, holding on to the edge of the door.

‘Miss White.’ Callum nods, his expressionless gaze running down my frame, probably wondering why I’m in my work uniform. His dark brown eyes scowl a little. ‘Mr Kane is expecting you.’

‘He shouldn’t be. I texted him to let him know that I couldn’t make it.’ I congratulate myself for maintaining my politeness and sure tone. ‘I’m sorry you’ve had a wasted journey.’

Theo’s driver smiles tightly. It’s in impatience, and it doesn’t soften his features one tiny bit. ‘It won’t be wasted if you come.’

I make sure I don’t break our eye contact, because that would be displaying weakness. I’m not weak. I’m strong, as Callum will soon realize. ‘Like I said, I’m sorry you’ve had a wasted journey.’

His lips pucker on a light, suppressed laugh as he backs away. ‘Have it your way.’ He nods, forced, and walks away, sliding into his car and pulling off quickly.

Have it my way? Yes, I will. I close the door with a satisfied nod and find Jess behind me. ‘What?’ Her lips are pressed together.

‘And that was?’

‘Theo’s driver . . . I think.’

Her face says it all. ‘Lord Almighty.’

I make my way back to the kitchen, Jess hot on my heels. ‘Your knickers just burst into flames, didn’t they?’ I chuckle.

‘I don’t know why you won’t just go for dinner with him.’

‘We’re going to Vegas tomorrow,’ I remind her, as if she could have forgotten about the trip that’s been in the making for a year and bled us both dry of savings. ‘I’ll save my energy for that.’

‘Fine by me,’ she sings, discarding her wine and reaching for both my hands. I give them to her, and she starts to dance us around the kitchen. ‘Vegas, baby!’

I burst into fits of giggles, being twirled in circles with Jess’s cheesy grin beaming at me. I was already excited, but now I’m dizzy with it. Literally. ‘Stop!’ I laugh, closing my eyes.

And she does. Abruptly. Then I hear the hard rap at the door. My smiles and laughter shrivel up, but I remain dizzy. ‘Ignore it,’ I demand, my hands still clutching Jess’s. ‘He’ll go away eventually.’

‘You know, I really don’t think he will,’ Jess replies, sounding worried and intrigued.

‘He’ll have to. I’m not answering.’ I shut the kitchen door, blocking out the echo of his follow-up knock.

‘So we’re going to hide in here all night?’ Jess asks with a furrowed forehead.

‘If we have to.’

‘Seriously?’

I laugh. ‘Yes, very seriously.’ I fetch more wine and wave it at her face. ‘We have supplies. Let’s just drink. No work tomorrow,’ I remind her.

‘Just tell him no if you’re that determined. Simple.’

‘He won’t listen,’ I grate, taking the bottle to my lips and glugging a bit down. ‘The phone, the flowers, turning up at work. He’s immune to the word no. No one says no to Theo Kane.’ More wine.

I must remain strong. For the first time in a very long time, I feel like I’m making progress. They’re small steps, but they’re small steps in the right direction. I know where I’m heading. When I look at Theo Kane, I don’t know where I’d be heading if I were to get involved with him, and that’s a good enough reason to steer clear. I like where I’m at in my life. I like who I am. And that’s an achievement, because I hated myself for such a long time. I’m finally breaking free of the fear that’s controlled me.

‘I’m fine on my own,’ I tell her. ‘I’m happy on my own.’ I’m in control on my own. When I’m with Theo, I don’t feel in control in the slightest.