Finding Grace(18)

I looked down at the small clumps of red, oozing flesh that clung to to my leggings as I tried to steady myself by gulping in air.

An avalanche of memories that I seemed to spend half my life trying not to recall filled my mind. Sixteen years instantly melted away and I was back there, just like it was yesterday.

My mouth filled with saliva and my heart seemed to be pounding at the base of my throat.

The other customers’ concerned faces loomed in and out as I tried frantically to draw in more breath, but the smell of cooking and the lack of fresh air just made me feel worse. I felt a hand on my arm, and my husband launched forward as if in slow motion. It galvanised me into action.

I broke away and rushed towards the customer loo that I knew was located at the back of the café. But the contents of my stomach beat me to it, and I threw up there and then, all over the floor.





Twelve





Back home, Blake fussed around me.

I pushed him gently away and made to sit up. ‘Oscar? Is he…’

‘Oscar’s fine, I’ve strapped him in his chair for a few minutes.’ He placed his hand on my upper arm and I relaxed back again. ‘I’ll make you some toast and strong coffee. You hardly ate a thing at the café and it’ll help with the dizziness.’

‘No. Thanks, but I couldn’t eat a thing. I’ll just have some water.’

He left the room swiftly, clearly glad to find something to do. It had been a long time since my spate of panic attacks, and I imagined he didn’t want to go back there. Believe me, neither did I.

I could hear him murmuring reassuringly to Oscar in the kitchen. I was making such a mess of everything: worrying what Blake was up to when he was out of the house, neglecting to watch over my baby so he fell off the bed and hurt himself.

And now the incident at the café to add to the list.

I felt twisted up inside, making a spectacle of myself just because that mad old harridan tossed a glass of tomato juice in my lap. Lots of witnesses meant lots of local gossip. It wasn’t the kind of attention Blake would want to foster, for sure. I was becoming a liability to have around.

‘I’m sorry, Blake. I don’t know what came over me,’ was the first thing I said when I stopped throwing up, every customer in the café gawping at me when I collapsed into a chair feeling dizzy and disorientated.

‘Don’t be silly, Lucie. Here, have a sip of water.’ He held a glass to my lips and I took a little.

‘She’s a bloody madwoman, that Barbara Charterhouse,’ someone called out, to a flurry of grunts of agreement.

‘It’s assault, that’s what it is,’ someone else remarked. ‘You’ve plenty of witnesses here, if you want to report her.’

‘Don’t let the nasty cow get away with it,’ another voice added. ‘She needs teaching a lesson.’

‘Thanks, everyone,’ Blake said grimly, jiggling Oscar in his arms. ‘I’m not worrying about all that right now. I just need to get my wife home.’

There were several offers of lifts, and he gratefully accepted one. I’d never been so glad to walk through my own front door.

Now Blake came back through from the kitchen and handed me a small glass of water.

‘This’ll cheer you up. Look who’s here, on the Smiler, of all things.’

He held his phone in front of me, and Grace’s face filled the screen, alive with terror and excitement on the infamous steel roller coaster. I smiled, despite a twinge of worry that she wouldn’t be safe on the ride. I felt better already for seeing that she was obviously having a wonderful time.

‘Mike’s sent a text, too. The girls are both ecstatic because they’re managing to scrape the minimum height restriction for the scariest rides. He says they’re planning to leave about four.’

I glanced at my watch. Still plenty of time until they’d be back. ‘I think I’d like a nap, if that’s OK with you. I feel exhausted.’

‘Course it is.’ He reached for a folded blanket from the armchair. ‘Please don’t feel bad about what happened today, Luce.’

I shook my head. ‘I know. I just wish I didn’t have such a dramatic reaction when something out of the ordinary happens. It wasn’t that awful in the scheme of things.’

My anxiety levels could soar from nought to one hundred miles an hour in the space of a few seconds. I seemed to have no control over it at all.

‘You can’t help the way you’re made, and I for one wouldn’t want to change a single thing about you.’

I bit my lip.

‘Those things Mrs Charterhouse said… she knew I didn’t work, and that comment she made about the children being spoilt. How does she presume to know anything about us?’

‘Pure bluster, I should think,’ Blake said cheerfully, plumping a cushion and sliding it behind me. ‘She and the folk she chooses to hang around with are all big supporters of Len Broadman. She’s just a bitter, nasty person and really not worth your attention, darling.’

Len Broadman had been elected as councillor for the Trent Bridge ward three times in a row before Blake beat him hands down last year. He still had lots of support in the area and seemed to occupy himself by being the proverbial thorn in Blake’s side whenever he had the chance.