Faking It (Losing It, #2)(60)

“Cade . . . I just can’t.”

I tried to pull away, but his other hand came up to my face, and he held me firm.

“Why?”

“I’ll hurt you.”

“I’ll take my chances.” fingernails scrapeaS drink

I pushed away, and this time he let me go. I pointed up toward the hill where we’d spent the last several hours. “Don’t you see who I am? What I cause? I’m poison.”

His expression turned angry, “You are not poison, Max.”

I shook my head, and hated that I was fighting not to cry again.

“I am. I ruin everything good that comes into my life. It all rots around me, and you would be exactly the same way.”

“You’re wrong. You couldn’t ruin me, because everything about you makes me better. You make me take chances and make bolder choices. You make me less concerned with being perfect and more concerned with being real. You make me want to be fearless.”

The closer he came, the more nervous I got, and I was fighting the temptation to run. “Would you stop saying that? I told you before. I’m not fearless! I’m the complete opposite. I am filled with fear every day of my life, and it chokes me until I can’t move or breathe or think without it taking over. It doesn’t matter how much time passes, I still feel like I’m hanging upside down in that seat with the world crumbling around me.” I couldn’t catch my breath. All the walls I’d built over the years had been torn down when I’d told him about Alex, and now there was nothing to keep all the emotions from flooding me.

“I know you’re not fearless, but I don’t think you let fear rule you as much as you think you do. You fight for your dreams. You don’t take shit from anyone. You were brave enough to be yourself, even in front of your parents. You are the most vibrant, beautiful thing I have ever seen.”

He stood in front of me, and one of his hands slid inside his coat to rest on the small of my back. Energy crackled between us, and his forehead pressed against mine.

“Close your eyes. Remember what we talked about that night after your concert? Living is hard. It was hard when you were thirteen, it’s hard today, and it will be hard again in the future. So, you close your eyes and you breathe. Breathe with me.”

I was shaking, but I felt stronger with him in front of me, his gentle breaths fanning across my lips. I breathed until the weight of the world seemed easier to manage. Maybe that was just because I wasn’t holdit was ngMichael’





41

Cade

After she was in my arms again, I was reluctant to let her go long enough for us to get anywhere. We grabbed blankets from the trunk of her car and cocooned ourselves away in the backseat. We kissed and touched and talked like we had all the time in the world.

I hoped that we did.

We lay wrapped up together, trying to fit both of us on a too-small backseat.

I said, “I remember this being a lot more comfortable in high school.” exactly s19ifferent

She lifted her head and raised an eyebrow. “Spend a lot of time in backseats, did you, Golden Boy?”

I pressed my fingertips into her sides, and she squirmed against me, laughing.

“I thought we’d established that the past was the past?”

I let her wrestle my hands off of her, and she pressed both of them flat against my chest. “Of course it is, but just to make sure your mind is firmly in the present . . .”

She kissed me.

Each new kiss from her outdid the memory of the last. I broke my hands out of her grasp, and she pouted against my lips. Then I tangled my hands in her hair, and she stopped complaining. It was cold in the car, but there was nothing but heat between us. Unlike the last time we’d kissed, she was in no hurry now. We alternated between talking and kissing until the sun shined from the other side of the sky, at which point both of our backs were killing us.

She asked, “This is how it starts isn’t it? We’re getting old.”

“Oh yeah, you’re already past your prime. Life only goes downhill from here.”

She swatted my chest, and then pressed a kiss to the place where she hit me.

“I’m glad you fought for me,” she said.

“I’m glad you let me.”



It was around sunset when we returned to her parents’ house. I’d told her that we could get a hotel, maybe rent a car and go on to Texas, but she insisted that she could face her parents again. When we pulled into the driveway, her mother was out the door and sobbing into Max’s hair before we even closed the car doors.

“Your father tried to follow you, but he lost you in the subdivisions. We tried calling you, but you left your phone here. Don’t you ever scare us like that again.”

Max’s expression looked like she was being hugged by one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, but she was hugging her mother back.

“Your father has been torn to pieces. He’s out there looking for you now.”

“I’m okay, Mom. I just needed to deal with some things.”

Her mother pulled back and held Max’s face in her hands. She brushed her hair back tenderly from her forehead.

“I’m sorry about the things I said . . . Max.” Max did the constant swallowing thing, which I knew meant she was about to cry. “Your father and I are just scared. We lost your sister, and now everything terrifies us.” Max made a noise halfway between a sob and a laugh. “If it had been up to me, you never would have driven a car or left the house or done anything that took you out of my sight. We just want you to have the best life possible, and we tend to forget that it’s not our wants that matter. You’re an adult now, and it’s time for your father and I to stop trying to control your life.”