Evolved(43)

I put my hand up to stop him. “Shaun. I know this. What are you trying to say?”

“That I am unsure of my A-Class stature. You have expressed concerns that I may be over and above what they reasoned an A-Class is capable of, and I agree. In my ability to adapt or read social cues, but also in my ability to feel. I can quote medical or scientific findings on emotional responses, but I know what they are because I feel them.”

Oh boy. My heart rate took off, something he clearly didn’t miss.

“What makes you react in such a way?” he asked. “Does your pulse quicken from fear? Or is it excitement? Because I am uncertain of many things at this time. I am trying to understand…”

I took his face in my hands and kissed him. When I pulled back, I put my forehead to his. “Shaun, I feel many things right now too. Uncertainty of our future, fear of what that might mean. But there’s also excitement and joy, happiness.”

He tilted his head slightly. “I don’t follow.”

“You wanted to know what love is, well, it’s all of those things. It’s everything you said about chemical reactions and it’s an entire vortex of other emotions. Shaun, I don’t know what the A-Class—if that’s even what you are—is capable of or what they were aiming for by developing an android so advanced, but I know this: I love you. I’m in love with you, Shaun. Android or not, A-Class or not. It doesn’t matter to me.” I kissed him softly. “I love you.”

My God, it felt so good to say it. To tell him. I understood in that very moment it didn’t matter if he could never say it back, or if the only love he understood was a synthetic, programmed version of the real thing. Love was a gift to give and should be given without expecting anything in return.

He stared at me, blinked, and then a slow smile spread across his face. “You do?”

I nodded. “Yes.”

“Because this conflicted neural network issue I appear to be experiencing becomes more apparent when I think about you.” He took my hand. “My synapses seem to fire more quickly, and my internal temperature rises point zero-eight degrees when I recall the way you laugh or when you touch me. I experience elevated synthetic dopamine and oxytocin levels, only I cannot determine if it is synthetic or real, because it feels very real.”

“Shaun, what are you saying?”

“I am acutely aware of my existentialism. I know why I am here. I know I am not human and I know the differences between us are more than simply physical. But Lloyd, I feel these things. Synthetic or not, I feel them. And if love is everything you say it is, that it is not logical or even reasonable, then I can only conclude that what I feel for you, when I think of you, when I am with you, is love.”

I blinked. He loved me. He loves me. I’d hoped… I’d longed… but I never dreamed it was possible. Tears welled in my eyes and I barked out a breath.

“Why do you react in such a way?” Shaun asked. He looked to the floor, a frown etched on his face. “Does this not make you happy? I was not prepared for unrequited—”

I lifted his chin and kissed him. Then I climbed over and straddled him, kissing him deeply and wrapping my arms around him. He responded and laid down on the bed, but he was hesitant and eventually held me back so my face was an inch from his.

“Lloyd.”

I brushed his hair off his forehead and stared into his blue, blue eyes. “I love you, Shaun. What you feel is not unrequited. I wasn’t laughing or mocking you. My reaction was relief. A lifetime of relief.”

“A lifetime?”

“I’ve always been alone. No one’s ever understood me, not like you. I have… quirks that some find difficult to put up with.”

“You don’t like hearing people eat or breathe. Or noise. Or mess.”

Again, with a contraction. I nodded. “Yes.”

He studied my eyes and the corner of his lips curled into a smile. “Then lucky you have me.”

I laughed. “I really am.”

His smile faded into something serious and he traced his thumb across my cheek. “What I feel is still conflicting, I cannot lie.”

“In a good way?”

“I believe so, yes.”

I pecked his lips with mine. “Love is confusing.”

“And exhilarating. And overwhelming. And…”

“And?”

“And I have an unexplainable desire to be naked with you. More than I’ve experienced previously.”

I chuckled and kissed him slowly. “Is that so?”

“I want to feel your skin on mine. I want your chest pressed against mine; I want to bury my face in your neck and feel your arms around me. I want to touch you and have you hold me. Not for sexual release—well, not only for sex—but to satisfy a different need. A need that has been building since I met you. This need I’ve deduced may in fact be love. I need to express with my body. I cannot explain that.”

“Do you want to express it with your body right now?”

He nodded. “Very much.”

So he did, and it was utterly glorious. It was slow and tender, fraught with passion so raw, so intense it took my breath away. And when he’d impaled himself on me and I brought us both to climax, he came like never before.

His cock pulsed like it always did, but his reaction was new. He arched his back, his whole body went rigid, and he let out a silent scream. Then he held me so damn tight, wrapped around me like a glove, and nuzzled into me until I fell asleep. I dreamed of birds flying free and cute kittens playing, the sound of Shaun’s laughter as Mozart chimed in the background. I dreamed of a future, of love, and being at sea with Moby Dick and even through the wildest storm, Ishmael kept me safe.