Emergency Contact(89)
“Ugh,” said Penny. “That’s how you know? I thought you would have a comprehensive list or something.”
Her mother laughed. “It doesn’t work that way at all,” she said. “It’s more this undeniable mood. It’s this warm, familiar, and exciting feeling where you miss them already when you’re with them.”
That sounded right.
Not being with Sam was excruciating.
STILL PENNY.
Penny dozed with her mom the way they used to when she was little, facing each other but not touching. Penny wanted to inch over and huff the familiar mom smell deep into her lungs and hold it there. Truth was, before everything went wrong, Penny had slept in her mom’s bed all the time when she lived at home. She hadn’t realized how much she’d missed it.
She stared up at her ceiling. Mallory was right. Her mom needed to be milked. Penny had to stop working herself up thinking it was a bigger deal than it was. Especially since Penny missed Celeste and wanted to see her. Her mother’s eyes were closed. It hurt Penny’s heart how much she loved her. How scared she’d been when Michael called. Loving someone was traumatizing. You never knew what would happen to them out there in the world. Everything precious was also vulnerable.
It wasn’t Celeste’s fault. What happened to Penny was nobody’s fault but Bobby’s. And one day when Penny could find the words, she’d tell her mom. Celeste might not say all the right things right away. She might say a bunch of wrong things in a row for a while, but they’d find a way to talk again. Penny had to give her a chance. She had to let Celeste in. That’s how it worked.
Penny grabbed her phone and scrolled through the list of notes she’d made about her story.
Mother and the Anima were connected and loved each other, but whereas the Anima couldn’t thrive unless she left Mother, Mother would be destroyed without her.
Penny tapped out a few lines.
Escape.
It’s all I think about. I don’t know how I got the idea. Or when. I didn’t know that these flashes of information were even thoughts. Until I did. And that they belonged to me. It was my voice talking to my self except I didn’t have to make a sound. There was something else, too. Curiosity. I started wondering. I wanted more. Things I didn’t know and hadn’t seen or heard. I don’t want to stay here. I want to go. I love my home. The realms seem infinite, alive with possibility, but when Mother goes, everything goes dark with her. I want a world where everything lights up because I’m in it.
The Anima didn’t want the human baby to die. She didn’t wish ill on the parents either. Or the PC bang or anyone else in that world. It’s that she didn’t believe that humans deserved to live more than she did. Than anyone else in the game. The Animas were second-class to the players and arguably to the humans. But it didn’t have to be that way. The humans were just visitors. Tourists at best. Colonists at worst. Penny thought about how certain physicists believed that reality is a simulation created by future civilizations purely for entertainment. There was no way to know who was running the show. To be the hero, you had to decide it was you.
Penny typed furiously into her phone, and when a message came in she swiped it away before it broke her train of thought. When she was done she took a peek at her mom. Celeste’s eyes sprang open as if sensing her daughter was awake in the room.
The text was from Sam.
Penny texted him back.
Hey
He hit her back immediately.
Hey
What are you up to?
My mom’s here
napping
Went to see Brandi Rose
Penny couldn’t believe that after months of silence that Sam would visit.
WHAT?
Just drove over there
WHOA
How was it
Not as bad as it could have been
Where are you?
At home
Home as in home home or your room?
Room
And your mom’s there?
Yeah she drove up
We talked about it
It’s cool now
Good
That makes me happy
Wait
Where are you?
I’m outside
Outside outside or outside my room?
She leapt to her feet. Her mom cocked her head as if to say, “What’s up?”
Penny could hear laughing outside her door.
Who is that? Celeste mouthed at her daughter.
Outside your room
Penny’s brain went into DEFCON 1. She searched Celeste’s face helplessly.
What to do when Sam, actual Sam, visits you in your room while Celeste is also present: 1. Hoist Celeste out the window. She’s a resilient woman and you’re only two floors up.
2. Send Sam away and spend more quality time with your mother who birthed you and had a horrible birthday. A birthday that you missed.
3. Just go very silent and hope Sam will forget that you responded to any of this.
Penny’s mouth was dry. She crept to the bathroom quietly to brush her teeth.
“Mom,” she whispered over the foam. “It’s Sam.” Penny’s eyes felt spicy and bloodshot from the cry-nap.
At that, Celeste did something so knowing and awesome that Penny suspected she did have a better handle on parenting than she’d ever given her credit for.