Emergency Contact(85)

“I love you,” he whispered to the dishes, and let himself out.

? ? ?

When Sam got back to House, Jude was waiting for him on the porch swing.

“Hey!” he said brightly.

“Hey,” she said.

“I’m sorry,” he responded.

“I can see that.” Jude extended her long legs forward to see how far the porch swing pitched back. “You look like hell.”

“I went to see my mom,” he said, taking a seat next to her. “Which is why the next order of business is to smoke this.” He held up a cigarette.

“Jeez, that good, huh?”

Sam sighed.

“Did you tell her Fraser’s granddaughter says hi?” Jude nudged him in the ribs.

“Who the hell is Fraser?” Sam laughed dryly and lit his smoke when he realized. “You know I only ever knew him as Mr. Lange?”

“Wow,” breathed Jude. “That’s twisted. Okay, so I’ve come to a conclusion,” she told him.

“Sounds fascinating.”

“Promise not to get mad?” Jude cast a sidelong glance at him.

“Nope.”

She laughed. “Are you in love with Penny?”

“How is that a conclusion? That’s a question.”

Jude rolled her eyes. “She says she’s in love with you.”

“She did not.”

“Fine, she didn’t say those exact words, but it’s the only explanation. She’s in love with you.”

“Stop,” he said. “You know she’s inscrutable. You ever notice how she seems furious when she’s super excited?”

Jude laughed. “Or when she’s actually furious and starts bawling? That’s a classic,” she responded.

Sam thought about the last time he’d seen her cry. How he’d wanted to place her in a bubble and firebomb everything around her.

“So it was you on her phone.”

Sam nodded.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Sam sighed. He glanced down at the tattoo of a horse head partially covered by cloth on his forearm. It was how they used to train wild horses way back when, throwing fabric over their eyes so they wouldn’t get spooked by their surroundings. They’d have to submit to the rider’s commands. Surrender.

Sam mulled over everything that had happened in the past month. Lorraine. Penny. What Lorraine had said about everyone knowing he was poor. And how Penny told him no one mistook him for someone who had his shit together. Hiding was not a coping mechanism. It was delusional. He had to let go.

“I should have told you and I’m sorry,” he said. “I was dealing with a lot of stuff at the time, and when you showed up here I felt overwhelmed.”

“You should have told me,” she said.

“Yeah, but I wasn’t ready to tell you personal details solely because we were related at one point and thrown together a bunch when we were kids.” Sam stubbed his cigarette out and looked at her. “I take longer to warm to people,” he said.

Jude nodded again, but this time there were tears in her eyes. She blinked, and they coursed down her cheeks to fall off her chin in fat drops.

“Jude,” he said.

“You seemed mad at me or something,” she responded.

“I’m not mad at you. Please don’t cry.”

Jude nodded, and despite the tears, she was smiling. “My therapist says I think everyone’s always mad at me. It’s equal parts my upbringing and my egocentrism.”

Sam laughed.

They rocked the swing in silence.

“The thing is,” she continued, “I’m also very perceptive. And I get now why you guys did what you did. Speaking of which, you’re both so lucky you have unlimited texting. You know she couldn’t even pee without taking her phone into the bathroom? I could hear her laughing in there.”

Jude smiled then.

“News flash,” she said. “At some point, your girlfriend might have been taking a dump while you were flirting with her.”

Sam promptly removed any indication from his brain that Penny pooped.

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Sam said. His voice cracked on the word “friend,” which made both of them laugh.

Jude swatted his arm with the back of her hand. “That’s what I don’t buy,” said Jude. “You guys both say you’re friends or whatever, but you kept me in the dark because this is way more than that. Seriously, no heterosexual friends in the history of penises and vaginas are that into each other. Plus, you dress like twins.”

“Penny helped me through a dark time,” Sam said. “Me and my ex went through this crazy pregnancy scare.”

“Whoa,” breathed Jude. “MzLolaXO?”

“Her name’s Lorraine!”

“Whatever. But she’s not pregnant now?”

He shook his head. “We thought she was pregnant, but she wasn’t. Or she was technically. It was complicated,” he said. “I thought I was in love with her and I wanted so badly to be with her. So I was this completely insane combo of happy and freaked out at the same time.”

“Wow,” she said, and after a beat, “Can I have a cigarette?”

“Hell no.”