Down Too Deep (Dirty Deeds, #4)(63)

I bit the inside of my cheek. Oh, Nathan. “You were on it.”

“Made that virus my bitch.”

My head hit the back of the couch as I chuckled, hand to my mouth.

“You laugh so fucking pretty. I love listening to you.”

I felt my face flush. “Thank you. I love laughing.”

“Now what’s this ‘you want to be doing nothing,’ shit? What’s keeping you from doing nothing?”

“Me.”

Nathan was silent for a long moment. “Okay.”

He sounded completely perplexed. As well he should. I couldn’t let myself do nothing? I was absurd.

“You see, my brother called and I didn’t pick up because I just don’t want to get roped into this long, drawn-out conversation right now. I just want to sit on my couch and watch episodes of Claws, possibly paint my nails—actually, not possibly. I really want to do that. They look bad—maybe snack a little, drink some wine…I don’t know. Whatever. I just want to do whatever I want or nothing. Maybe just sit here and stare off until I fall asleep. But I feel guilty for not answering him and I’m having difficulty not feeling that way. It’s bothering me. I’m very bothered right now, Nathan.”

“I can tell.”

“And you said to reach out to you if I ever found myself in a situation I couldn’t handle on my own…I thought maybe you could help me with this. Tell me I can avoid everyone and everything tonight, except in cases of emergencies, of course. I’d never ignore someone if they truly needed me.”

“You couldn’t. That’s not you.”

“It’s why I carry a spare phone charger with me at all times. You never know when the one might stop working, and then what if my phone dies? I can’t risk that.”

His laugh was quiet and sweet. “I am not at all surprised that you carry a backup phone charger.”

“What’s the point of having a big purse if I’m not stuffing that thing full, am I right?”

“I wouldn’t know anything about that, but yeah, sure.”

I heard movement through the phone. Quiet shuffling, the squeak of a mattress. Nathan was in bed. Yum.

“Just getting into position here,” he shared. “Hold on, okay?”

“Take your time.”

“No, Jenna.” Nathan’s tone grew harsh and demanding. “Don’t tell me to take my time. Don’t wait for me. This is something you need, right?”

“Yes.”

“So tell me to hurry the fuck up with it.”

“Uh.” What? “O-okay…” I sat up a little taller. This was odd, but what the hell? “Move your ass, Nathan. Jesus.”

“I’m just getting comfortable first.”

“Why do you need to get comfortable to help me? Why is this about you? I should be the one getting comfortable…Yes, I absolutely should. Let me do that.”

I stood from the couch and moved into the kitchen, grabbing supplies, which included an already open bottle of wine and a bag of barbecue Lay’s. Then I hurried to the bathroom to grab the little basket containing nail polish, remover, and cotton balls. With my arms full and the phone pinched between my ear and shoulder, I returned to the couch.

“Okay, I’m comfortable now,” I said, popping the cork and taking a generous swig of wine straight out of the bottle. It was sweet and bubbled against my lips. When Nathan remained silent, I pressed him with a harsh, “I’m waiting…” I instantly regretted it. “Sorry…This is weird for me. I don’t talk like this.” I set the bottle on the coffee table and slumped against the back cushion. “I feel like I’m being mean.”

“You’re not being mean. This isn’t about me. It’s about you. Don’t ever be afraid to take what you need.”

“Okay, I won’t, but…telling you to move your ass? That’s not me, Nathan. I want you to do this for me, but I can wait five seconds while you fluff your pillow.”

“That’s not the point,” he returned quickly. “Of course you’d wait five seconds if I asked you to—that’s who you are, Jenna. You put everyone else first, no matter what. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing. It’s incredible, actually. I’ve never met anyone like you. I know you’re not the kind of person to demand I stop everything I’m doing to help you out. I know telling me to move my ass isn’t something you’d ever say unless I provoked you. That’s not who you are. And that’s okay, as long as you’re doing what you want.”

“So, that was a test…”

“If you want to look at it that way. I pushed you just now because I wanted you to see that even if you told me to move my ass, you wouldn’t be wrong saying it and you sure as hell wouldn’t need to apologize. You’re not hurting me. Does that make sense?”

“I think so.”

“I realize I’m being extreme, and I know there are ways to get what you need without cussing someone out, but if you needed to yell at me or call me out for making you wait for something you needed, you’re allowed to do that. This isn’t about me. What do you want to do right now?”

“I want to watch TV and paint my nails.” My teeth scraped along my bottom lip. “And…and I don’t want to feel bad about not answering my brother.”