Down Too Deep (Dirty Deeds, #4)(32)

Maybe she would think something was wrong since I was calling her so early. I was sure she’d be able to tell without me saying a word, because she had this uncanny ability to read my discomfort. She did it that first day in my office. She’d do it now.

The call would connect, and Jenna would ask if I was okay. She’d wonder if it was Sadie, and if I told her Yes…how did you know? She would say something I needed to hear.

But I didn’t want to wake her. Jenna would try to hide her sleep-heavy voice from me. She wouldn’t want me to feel bad for reaching out, but I would. I didn’t want to talk to her about this anyway. I didn’t want to talk to anyone about it. I closed out of her contact info and pulled up my texts, reading the message I’d ignored yesterday out of habit.

July 4th 4:00. Hope to see you and Marley.



I dialed the number instead of responding. The call connected on the third ring.

“This can’t be Nathan Bell calling me right now. I must still be asleep. I should still be asleep, you rude motherfucker. Do you have any idea what time it is?”

I chuckled and sat up, swinging my legs over the edge of the bed. “Hey, man. I…” My tongue froze inside my mouth. I scrambled for words. They sounded foreign to me.

What the hell was I supposed to say to my best friend after shutting him out for nearly two years?

I ran a hand through my hair, clearing my throat. “Hey, man,” I repeated. It seemed like a good place to start.

“It’s good to hear from you. Even if it is early as shit.”

I chuckled.

“You all right?”

“Yeah…sorry. I know I should’ve called sooner.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

He was giving me a pass. One I didn’t deserve.

“No, I know it’s been too long…I’ve been meaning to reach out.”

“Seriously, man. I could go ten years without speaking to you, and it wouldn’t change a damn thing.”

My mouth twitched. “You’re wrong, Davis.”

“How am I wrong?”

“Ten years? You’d be bawling your fucking eyes out right now if I put that much time between calls. Admit it.”

He was silent for a moment, and then he broke into quiet laughter. “Bastard.”

I stood from the bed and swiped the switch on the wall, illuminating the room in soft light. Then I slouched into a nearby chair. The leather was cool against my back.

“All kidding aside, it’d be messed up if I pushed it any longer.”

His response was immediate. “I’d understand it.”

“You shouldn’t have to.”

“Look, man, we’re cool. I get it. We all get it.”

He was referring to the rest of my old teammates. A handful of us remained close after graduation though Davis was the only one who was persistent in trying to stay in touch with me. The rest of them had given up after a year.

“None of us knows what you went through, obviously,” he continued. “But we all loved Sadie.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“How are you? What’s going on? I get updates from your dad. I know the restaurant is doing well.”

That revelation shook my head. “He never told me he spoke to you.”

“It wasn’t like I called all the time. Just every few months or so. I think it helped him, talking about you to someone. He was worried.”

“Yeah.” I picked at the leather seam on the armrest. “I need to get over there and see him and my mom. I’m doing better. I just…I wouldn’t deal with it before. I am now. Slowly, I’m getting through it.”

“That’s awesome, man. I’m glad to hear that. How’s Marley?”

I smiled. “Good. Getting big. I’m biased, but she’s really fucking cute. You should see her.”

“What about on the Fourth? Are you coming or what?”

I immediately thought about Jenna and the twins. I knew what to expect at Davis’s party. I used to go to them every year. He went all out on the Fourth. Oliver and Olivia would have a blast. I could picture their faces watching the fireworks. Marley’s too. I’d never taken her to see them before. I wanted to. I wanted this memory for us.

“I keep it kid friendly,” Davis shared, misreading my hesitation. “Everyone brings their families now. Marley would have fun, trust me.”

“No, I’m sure she would,” I agreed. “I was thinking about inviting this woman who’s been watching Marley for me. She has two kids. Marley’s really gotten close with them. I know she’d like it if they came. Do you mind if they tag along?”

“Hell no. Bring them. More the merrier and shit.”

“Thanks, man. I appreciate it.”

“Don’t thank me, Nate. I’m just glad to hear you’re coming.”

Head rolling to the side, I peered out the window at the ocean. Sunlight burned across the horizon, painting the water in streaks of light.

“It’s going to be weird being there without Sadie,” I said.

“I understand that.”

“Or maybe it won’t. Maybe I’ll be fine…Is that fucked up? I’m not sure which is worse.”

“You know what? Let’s just play it out. If you’re not feeling it and you need to go, no one is gonna say shit. Do what’s best for you and Marley. Or if you’re fine, which is how I think Sadie would want you to be, no one is gonna say shit about that either.”