Don't Look Back(57)

it was hard to imagine wandering around here at night and not

getting eaten by a bear. “Who owns it?”

“The state, I guess. Not really sure, but you and Scott used

to hang out up here a lot when you were younger.” He paused. “I

would tag along when your parents let me. You used to love to

stand on the edge of the cliff. Freaked me and Scott out.” I smiled faintly. “So this place meant something to me?” “I think so.”

Reaching for the handle to open the door, I drew in a deep

breath. “Ready?”

“Can you wait a sec?” Carson asked, pulling off the cap. He

ran a hand through his hair, then tossed the hat onto the dashboard. “There’s something I need to tell you.”

Dismay stirred inside me, and my heart dropped all the way

to my toes. Nothing good came from statements like that. Letting

go of the handle, I twisted toward him. “What?”

He stared straight ahead, eyes narrowed and jaw clenched.

“I haven’t been completely honest with you about some things.” I opened my mouth, but nothing came out except a ragged

breath. The ache was back in my chest, but different this time.

It was centered over my heart, raw and worried like an overexposed wound. Part of me didn’t want to know what he hadn’t

been truthful about, but I couldn’t—wouldn’t—run from this.

Squaring my shoulders, I braced myself for whatever he was about

to say.

“Okay,” I finally said. “Tell me.”

His gaze slid toward me. “Remember when I told you that

you were my first kiss?” When I nodded, he let out a long breath.

“Well, you were also my last kiss.”

I cocked my head to the side, unsure I heard him correctly.

Out of everything I was expecting him to say, that wasn’t even

near the bottom of the list. “Come again?”

Carson’s lips twitched into a tiny half smile that quickly

faded. “I saw you the night you disappeared.”

Forcing myself to not climb across the seat and throttle him,

I gripped my knees as anger pricked at my skin. “Why didn’t

you tell me?”

“It’s complicated. And I know... I know that’s not a goodenough excuse. I told the police, so I’m surprised that they never

told you.” He looked away, working the muscle in his jaw. “But

what happened between us...”

I sucked in a sharp breath. Between us could only mean a few

things. If he’d lied to me about that ... well, the pressure building

in my throat and behind my eyes said enough. “What happened?” “I was hanging around with Scott, watching a movie down

in the basement. It was close to ten when I left. The house was

completely dark. I don’t even think your dad was home. I headed

out the back way, through the sunroom just in case your mom was

roaming around. I didn’t see you at first.” His forehead creased

as he ran the tips of his fingers down his face. “I heard you—

you were sitting on one of those damn window seats, crying. I

should’ve turned and went in the other direction, but I couldn’t

walk away. Not when you were crying.”

My fingers loosened around my knees as some of the tension

eased off. Carson wasn’t the kind of guy who could walk away

from a crying girl. Recalling what I did know about that night, I

felt a sour taste in my mouth. “I was with Del until nine.” Carson nodded slowly. “I asked if you were okay, and you got

up and turned on the light. You weren’t wearing that ... necklace.

So I figured you had a big blow-up with him.”

“He said I took it off to shower after...uh...”

He arched a brow. “Unless crying is something you typically

do after having sex, I have a feeling that’s not why you took it off.” Mortification turned my entire body red. That was so not

the conversation I wanted to have with Carson. “Okay, good

point. Moving on.”

“Well, you acted like you normally did. Got in my face, and

we started arguing, but it was different.” He leaned his head back

against the seat, closing his eyes. “As pissy as you were being with

me, you were still crying. And I’d never seen you like that. I don’t

even know what I was thinking, but I grabbed you to ... comfort

you or something, and you just came at me.”

“I came at you?”

One side of his lips curved up. “You kissed me. No warning

whatsoever. You just laid one on me.”

Oh dear god. I slumped against the seat. Not only was I a

mean girl, but I’d also molested Carson. Nice.

“I was kind of shocked at first ... and then I kissed you

back.” He sighed again. “It was all pretty intense—angry, actually. Kind of hot, too. Then you got a text message, pushed me

away, and stormed off. That was the last time I saw you.” Having no idea how to respond to any of that, I stared at

him. Being upset had to have something to do with Del and then