Don't Look Back(54)

“Come on,” he said, swaying into me. “Let’s go somewhere private.”

Private? My heart flopped over heavily as my gaze drifted up to the lofts. We needed to talk, but not in one of those rooms and not when he was obviously drunk. “I want to stay down here.”

He took a swig out of the bottle and then frowned. “But ... you’re not doing anything down here. You’re just leaning up against a wall like...”

“Like what?” I dipped out from underneath his arm and placed my cup on the table next to us.

Del turned his head to the side, his jaw working. “I don’t know. It’s just not you. I’d usually have to pull you away from everyone for some quality time.”

Irritation built inside me, and my eyes burned. “If you haven’t noticed, I’ve changed.”

He gave a dry laugh and took another drink. “Yeah, I’ve noticed.”

Guilt washed over the annoyance, because I had changed— not Del. Blaming him for it wasn’t right. I shifted my weight. “Del, I’m sorry.”

He finished off the rest of his bottle and then tossed it into an overflowing trash can. “I’m not mad. This is just hard. You’re a totally different person, and no matter how much you try, I know you’re not feeling it.”

My brows inched up. Whoa. Okay, maybe it was time for the conversation. And it might be easier than I’d realized. He already knew things weren’t the same. I stepped forward, stopping when we were inches from touching. “I really am trying hard, but—”

“We just need to try harder. I know.”

Oh. No, not where I was going with that. “Del—”

“Sammy, I still love you even though you ... aren’t acting right.” He placed his hands on my shoulders, drawing me against his chest as he supported his weight against the wall. Glassy eyes met mine. “We’re meant to be together. And we’ve faced harder things than this.”

The music pounded in my ears as I stared up at him. “We have? I thought we had a perfect relationship, Del.”

He stared at me. “We did—we do!”

“Then what did we face?”

His mouth opened and closed. “Sammy, let’s not focus on that. Tell me what I need to do to make this work, and I’ll do it.”

“No. I want you to tell me, because I have this feeling....”

“Oh, she has a feeling!” Veronica’s voice trilled over the music and conversation, followed by her giggling. “This reminds me of something.”

Turning around, I saw Veronica standing a few feet away. She wobbled to the side. Someone turned the music down. My eyes found the source. Candy. Dread poured into me, locking up my muscles.

“You had a feeling during the funeral, didn’t you?” Veronica’s voice rang loud with false interest.

Everyone stopped. Dozens of eyes were on us, and the barn suddenly seemed too small. I stepped back and met the wall. Del had inched to the side, eyes downcast. A look crossed his face, tightening the features. At first I thought it was concern, but then I realized it was embarrassment.

I was alone.

“So, tell us what the feelings are like?” Candy joined in, flipping the icy sheet of blond hair over her shoulder. “Is it like psychics on those shows?”

A girl laughed. Others snickered.

I folded my arms around me, wanting to crawl into a hole. “I don’t think so.”

“It’s not?” Veronica leaned against the back of a couch, her catlike eyes narrowed. “So, what’s it like, then?”

A slow anger built inside me. Why were they doing this? Yes, we’d obviously grown apart, but to put me on the spot like this? “I really don’t want to talk about this.”

“Why not?” Candy whined, but her eyes sparked with maliciousness. “Everyone is dying to know what it’s like not having any clue who you are. And, wow, being the last person to see Cassie alive. What’s that like?”

“Knock it off,” Del said, finally speaking up. He’d found another bottle, clenching it tightly in his hand. “You’re embarrassing her.”

Or was I embarrassing him?

Candy rolled her eyes, and a dark-haired boy strolled up behind her, wrapping his arms around her tiny waist. Trey. I almost didn’t recognize him. He whispered something in her ear while he met my eyes. He grinned. Candy giggled, pressing back into him.

Veronica’s lips pursed. “What happened at the funeral?”

My head snapped in her direction. “I’m not talking about that here. Sorry.”

“Don’t be such a bitch, Sammy. Everyone wants to know what it’s like.” She turned around, raising her voice. “Right?”

Voices cheered and people chattered all around me. Their eyes bore into me as they pressed forward. I was falling again, but not from a cliff. I’d been at the top of the social ladder, above them, but now I was tumbling off it, hitting every single step on the way down. Bruised and shaken, I felt the pressure build in my chest.

Who knew how many of them had waited for this day to come? And could I blame them? No. I’d probably terrorized half these kids. I searched the sea of faces for my brother—for Carson. My gaze skipped over one and darted back. Heart stopping, I thought I saw Cassie’s face—smiling at me. Happy. Thrilled.