Confidential(24)

Dr. Baylor had already absolved me of so much, but what I did that day—that he could never know.





CHAPTER 17

GREER

Donor Profile #2206





Interview Notes


Donor 2206 recently graduated with his master’s degree in anthropology. He said that part of his desire to engage in this process is anthropological, as he has an insatiable curiosity and craves new experiences. “I don’t like life to get too ordinary,” he says.

He is short and stocky, with brown hair and brown eyes. He is fairly intense and serious, though he is not devoid of humor. He got married three months ago, and his wife is supportive of his being a donor, since they don’t intend to have children of their own.

He grew up in Southern California to what he calls “free-spirited parents.” He has one brother with whom he is close . . .

Q & A

Describe your personality.

Introspective. Adventurous. Devoted.

What are your interests and goals?

I’m planning to spend the next few years traveling in an Airstream with my wife, figuring out whether I want to pursue my PhD in anthropology. Academia seems so confining, but since I’m not independently wealthy, I know I need to find a career that’s personally meaningful and full of variety.

“An Airstream,” I told Dr. Michael. “A friggin’ Airstream. What am I doing?”

“You’re weighing your options.”

“I’m reading about business majors, mathematicians, budding documentary filmmakers, tree huggers, future cancer researchers. I can get any combination of hair color, eye color, and height I want. And it’s a waste of time. No one’s right. Maybe that’s because this isn’t right. You shouldn’t have the baby of someone you’ve never even met.”

“Are you rethinking motherhood?”

“No, I’m pretty sure I want it. Ever since I held Byron, I can’t stop thinking about that feeling. It was the strongest feeling I’ve ever had, and it was maternal. But when I think of my options for how to get from here to there, I come up empty.”

“This is the challenge we talked about right from the beginning. Your adaptability. Finding a way to want what you can have.”

The truth was, I hadn’t wanted things very deeply in my life. Even in my career, I made a decision and I pursued it ferociously, doggedly, because that was how my parents had trained me.

There it was again: that dog reference. My whole life, I’d been a dog with a bone, but I was starting to think it was the wrong one.

“I comb through these profiles obsessively,” I said, a lump in my throat, “and I have someone else’s thoughts. For example, you can’t see the donors’ current pictures, but you can see their baby pictures. I started thinking that I could take the baby picture and pay someone to photo age it, like they do with missing children, and then I can evaluate whether that’s a person I’d want to sleep with. I’m trying to create some connection, any connection, so I’m not just turkey basting with some stranger. Is that normal?”

“It’s normal to wonder if you’re normal, I can tell you that much.” He stroked his chin reflectively. “I’ve got this instinct, and I want to follow it. I want to steer us away from Byron and back to your childhood.”

I exhaled loudly. “Wrong tree, Doc.”

“It’s never the wrong tree. It’s the template for everything that follows.”

“I just got back here. Do you want me to bolt again?” Actually, it had been three weeks, and we both knew I wasn’t going anywhere.

“No, I very much don’t want that.”

Did that qualify as flirting? It went straight to my head. “This doesn’t feel like the right time to talk about my parents.”

“What would you prefer to talk about?”

Again, was that flirting? He hadn’t changed his tone in any measurable way. There was nothing strange about a therapist asking a client what she wanted to talk about. But the effects were undeniable, like I’d been drinking champagne.

“I want to talk about how to get from here to there,” I said. “I want to be a mother. I know it in my heart and in my gut, and I don’t believe I’ve ever heard from those parts of my body before, not truly.”

“I can’t think of any better definition of progress.” He smiled. “Let’s get you there.”





PRESENT DAY





CHAPTER 18

DETECTIVE GREGORY PLATH

“I’m prepared to cooperate fully,” Greer says. “I want to make sure you find the person who did this. Not only that, but I want to see a conviction. No one should get away with murder, no matter how good they think their reason is.”

“I appreciate that,” I say. “Cooperation would be great. It saves me some time.”

“Oh?”

“You can just give me access to your therapy records. That way, I’m not wasting valuable time getting a subpoena for them like we’re having to do with some of his other clients and former clients. We can devote all our resources to catching the killer.”

She blanches, just a little.

Everyone wants to cooperate when it’s to tell you about someone else. Of course, I wouldn’t mind knowing more about Flora and Lucinda. They’re not officially suspects, but they’re the closest thing I’ve got, especially since Greer is yet another woman who was home alone on the night in question.