Come Back for Me (Arrowood Brothers #1)(37)

“I don’t understand.”

“I married him. I went through with it, and all the while, I . . .” I can’t say it. If I do, it’ll be a mistake. But then I look up and see the look in his eyes, see the way he’s silently begging me to give him my truth, and God, I want to. “I wished it could’ve been you. The man who smiled at me with the softest and most loving expression. You looked at me as though you needed me, and I know it was wrong, but I needed you.”

When he sits back down, his head falls in his hands before turning to look at me. “I did need you.”

“But we weren’t each other’s to have.”

“No, I guess we weren’t.”

I lean back, turning just enough to still be able to look at him and wondering if the moment we’re sharing now could’ve been our daily life. Would we be sitting on the porch, talking at night, enjoying an honesty I’d never known existed until this moment?

“If things had gone differently that night, if I were braver and stayed, do you think we could’ve been something more?”

Connor lifts his body back up, his arm going across the back of the swing. I can see how easily I would fit into his side, as though I were made to go there, but I stay where I am because we’ve yet to talk about Hadley.

“I don’t know. Sometimes, when I envisioned what we may have been, it was so much more, but I think that the fantasy of that time was just that. I was fucked up when we met, dealing with emotions I wasn’t mature enough to handle. That night was peace, but in the morning, it was gone . . . like you.”

“I was never gone, I was lost.”

“And what about now?”

I look away, letting the question settle over me. “I’d like to say that I’m finding my way. I’m not lost, but I’m not found. I’m . . . hopeful that I’ll be able to get where I should be.”

Connor takes my hand in his. “That’s all any of us are doing, Ellie.”

“Some better than others.”

He laughs once, the sound echoing around us. “I’m the eternal bachelor, sworn never to have a family or a real relationship. I push everyone away. I’m not doing a damn thing better than anyone.”

That leaves me sitting here wondering if he’s upset with my possible revelation. “And what if Hadley is yours?”

“Then I’ll be the father I never had, and that girl will never have to fear for you or herself again.”





Chapter Sixteen


Connor





“Connor, Connor, Connor!” Hadley yells as she runs out to the barn.

I’ve been working non-stop since she left for school. I finished my surprise about an hour ago and came to get some of the work I actually should’ve been doing for the farm done.

“Hey! How was school?”

“Good. I got to talk to the whole class about how a Navy SEAL rescued me when I hurt my arm.”

Ellie is walking slowly behind her with a huge grin on her face that makes my heart stutter. God, she’s beautiful.

The sun is off to the side of her, and the skirt of her dress is blowing just slightly around her legs. She has a wrap around her shoulders, and her long brown hair is down. She looks breathtaking.

“Hey,” I say with a hitch in my throat.

“Hey.” Ellie’s eyes brighten as she gets nearer.

“How was school for you?”

Ellie shrugs. “It was good, but I can’t wait for Hadley to tell you all about her day.”

I look down at her as she smiles so hard I worry her cheeks could break. “So, you talked about me, huh?”

“I did! I did! And now you’re going to come to school with me!”

“Uh—” I stammer. “I’m what?”

Her eyes go wide, and she starts speaking at her normal speed, which is Mach ten or twenty and still too fast for a normal man to keep up with. “I was telling them how you found me in the tree but that I didn’t really want to be found but you’re so smart and saved me. I told them about how you carried me with one arm because you’re like Hercules. Then I changed my mind because you’re even better because you know how to use a gun since you were in the military. Then I was saying how, again, you came and helped me when I was in trouble and how you’re a hero and fought in the war and how you’re not afraid of anything except storms when you were little.” She draws a huge breath and keeps going. “Then I said I was going to bring you for show and tell because everyone wants to meet you because you’re my best friend. Plus, no one has an adult for a best friend like I do. They didn’t believe it, but you are, and Mom says I can’t tell people you’ll come to school and that I have to ask. Connor, will you come to school with me?”

When she finally stops, she smiles and looks pleased with herself. I’m just in shock. “I don’t know about that.”

“You have to. You don’t want me to fail, do you? Show and tell is for a grade.”

I don’t, right? I mean, that’s the right answer, but it’s also the absolute last thing I want to do. What the hell am I going to show and tell?

“No, I don’t want you to fail, but I’m sure we can find something else that’s even better.”