Come Back for Me (Arrowood Brothers #1)(11)

But a leopard doesn’t change its spots. The man, who I saw only glimpses of in the beginning, stopped hiding years ago, and I am going to be strong enough to get away.

Hadley packs up her things and then heads to the back door. “Can I see if Connor is home?”

I can’t take much more. “No, honey. Connor is a grown-up and he’ll probably be busy.”

“He said I could go to the tree house anytime.”

I’m not sure what tree house she’s talking about, but she seems very excited by this. “Hadley, you hurt your arm a week ago . . . you can’t be running around like that.”

“It doesn’t hurt and I won’t climb it.”

I don’t believe her, but at the same time, I can’t keep arguing with her or Kevin will get mad.

Damn it.

“Okay, where is this tree house?”

She smiles. “On his land.”

I guess I asked for that. She’s too smart for her own good.

I look at my little girl just a little closer. Her eyes are the same color as his. I’ve always thought that she had Kevin’s face and that her eyes must’ve been like someone in my family or his. But when I saw him, saw his eyes, it was as if the universe were reminding me that I never really knew. Hadley could be Connor’s.

Hadley presses her hands to my cheeks. “I like Connor. He was strong and carried me. Plus, he didn’t yell when he found me like I thought he would.”

No, he didn’t yell like her father would’ve. “Hadley, how did you hurt your arm? The whole story, sweetheart. You won’t be in any trouble as long as you tell the truth.”

She looks away, a deep breath escaping her lips. “I fell. I wasn’t supposed to be out by the barn. I told Daddy I wouldn’t climb up into the loft, but I wanted to see what the cows were doing. I went up there, and when I heard Daddy, I knew I would be in big trouble, and I didn’t want to make him mad again. So, I jumped out, but fell on my arm and then ran. I knew he’d be upset. He’s always mad.”

I fight back the tears and give her a small smile. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I know he’s tired.”

And an asshole. And selfish. And mean. And angry at the world. And taking it all out on me.

Instead of telling what feels like my only friend, who absolutely should never hear it, I bob my head. “Why don’t you run out back?”

She gets up from the table and slips out back to the tree outside.

Sitting under the branches of the oak tree, in the shade while little rays of light fall around her, is one of her favorite places. She looks so peaceful there, as though the ugly parts of the world haven’t yet tarnished her youth. I’ve tried, Lord knows I have, to give her normalcy and love, but when it comes to Kevin, it’s given only when he deems we’ve earned it.

I wonder what it would’ve been like had I not been drowning in grief. Would I have found someone else? Would I have not married Kevin? Would Hadley and I be on another farm, with another man who carried her when she was scared?

No, I can’t do this. I can’t go down a road that isn’t open to me.

I shake my head and focus on getting Kevin food so my reality doesn’t become a nightmare again.

I carefully make sure that I’m adding the right things and ensure I don’t put too much mayonnaise on it. That set him off once.

“Ellie!” Kevin bellows.

I close my eyes, pray I did it right, and then grab the sandwich, chips, and a pickle sliced in quarters before heading back to the living room.

“Here, honey,” I say with soft lightness to my voice. I’ve learned that the sweeter I approach him, the less venom he spits back. “If you’d like something else . . .”

“This is fine.”

I release a heavy sigh internally and then sit beside him. Maybe today won’t be bad and we’ll pass the time like most days. Kevin isn’t always mean, which is what kept me completely complacent for a while. It started gradually, leaving me wondering if I was imagining things.

Then it was like a snowball, finding strength and growing in size the longer it rolled, until it got so large that it crushed anyone in its path. Most of all—me.

It’s days like this that are the scariest. When I’m unsure if I’m going to have the husband I once wanted or the man who haunts my dreams.

Do I talk? Do I wait? I walk on eggshells, afraid of choosing either one.

Kevin takes a bite, and I steel myself, hoping I step the right way. “I saw the barn door is repaired.”

He grunts.

“It looks great.”

“It took me hours to get it to hang correctly. My uncle was an idiot who didn’t know his ass from his elbow. He didn’t use the right hinges, so I’m surprised it didn’t fall sooner.”

His uncle and aunt were wonderful people who he inherited the farm from after they passed. Without them, we would have even less than we have now. Not that this is what I ever wanted. I had dreams. Ones that included me living back in upstate New York, working on a vineyard. That’s why I was attending Penn State for business.

But then everything changed.

My parents were killed right around the time Kevin inherited the farm and . . . here I am.

I’m grateful for the farm, though, it gives us income and stability. Not to mention it’s fully paid off, so we didn’t inherit any debt with it. Of course, I don’t see a penny of what we make because Kevin has disallowed me access to anything.