Can't Look Away(114)

“Not exactly.” Regret flashes in her hazel eyes. “My dreams changed.” Several moments of silence pass. “I really can’t believe Sabrina lied about seeing Dr. Ricci. I feel like … such a pawn.”

“So do I. Fuck, what else has she lied about, then? There’s got to be more.”

“The fact that her grandparents belonged to the country club, apparently. My friend Whitney is on the board—she’s the one who reviewed your application—and she said there’s no record of anyone related to Sabrina ever belonging to the club.”

Jake says nothing.

“Do you know if her grandparents even lived in Flynn Cove, Jake?”

He shakes his head. “It’s clear my wife is a pathological liar, so at this point, I can only assume they didn’t. I think—” Jake pauses. “Sabrina was the one who suggested we move out of the city last winter. She pushed for Flynn Cove specifically.”

“But why? What did she want from me?”

“I don’t know. I think maybe she just wanted to hurt you. Maybe she knew…” Jake’s eyes land on Molly’s. “She knew I still loved you.”

Molly says nothing. Her feelings orbit above her, a collection of sensations that won’t land. She is suddenly overcome with exhaustion, her eyelids heavy and aching.

“I’m leaving her, Moll.” Jake gives a sad smile. “Actually, I already left.”

Molly swallows. “I’m not going to leave Hunter.”

“I know that.” Jake nods. Something profound and unspoken passes between them. She knows what he’s going to say before the words leave his lips.

“I’ll always love you, Moll.”

“I’ll always love you, too.” Tears drip down her face.

“I’m so sorry again about … your baby. I can’t imagine the pain you’re in. You and Hunter. My heart is broken for you. But you’re stronger than you know, all right? Don’t ever forget that.”

The way Jake is looking at her, Molly’s heart trembles. She tastes her own tears. “I’ll be okay.”

“Look, can I ask you something?” Jake shifts in the chair, tilting his chin forward in a way that reminds Molly of Stella. “Something I have to know.”

“Of course.”

“Why didn’t Needs ever publish? I loved that book so much—I kept looking for it in stores. What happened?”

Molly thinks back to that time in her life—the long days spent writing furiously in their apartment on Driggs—and it feels like a distant dream.

She takes a deep breath. “The truth is, you were such a huge part of the novel, Jake. I mean, before I met you, I’d never even told anyone I wanted to be a writer. And you know that Sebastian was largely based on…” Molly’s voice trails. It’s surreal, speaking the name of her character out loud after so long. “I just didn’t realize how impossible it would be to keep working on Needs without you in my life. It broke my heart every time I opened the manuscript, so I stopped. It didn’t even feel like a choice, really. I was pregnant, my life was changing…” She sighs. “Alexis was furious, but Bella was nice about it, all things considered. I’m pretty sure she thought I’d lost my mind, but when I finally told her what was going on, I think she could see how rattled I was. I asked her not to let it get back to you or the Lanes. And I had to pay back the signing portion of my advance. It was all horrible, honestly, but giving up the book just felt like what I needed to do in order to survive without you.”

Jake reaches for her hand, resting on the bedspread. “I understand. That’s what it was like for me with music for a while. Without you there, I just couldn’t do it.”

“But then you decided to try again.” She smiles softly. “I’m proud of you for doing this solo album, Jake. You belong on a stage, standing in front of a microphone with your hands on a guitar. You saw Stella earlier. You saw what she did. She got that from you.”

“I know.” Jake’s eyes fill. “I thought—when I first saw her—I saw her eyes and they felt so familiar. I just assumed it was because she was your daughter and that this crazy love I felt for her, like, instantaneously, was because I still loved you. But I didn’t actually realize she was mine until I saw her sing.” He closes his lids, lets the tears spill through. “It’s such a miracle, Molly. That she’s ours.”

She squeezes his hand, too full of feeling to produce words. Silence fills the room; they sit in it, letting it absorb the things they cannot say.

Finally, Jake speaks. “You could try again, you know.”

Molly understands that he means writing. “I know.” She blinks. “I miss it, much more than I let myself acknowledge. I feel like a coward for walking away.”

“You’re not a coward, Moll. And it’s never too late to chase your dreams. Even the ones you abandoned.”

Molly lets this sink in. She considers what they have both lost.

“Bella called me a few months ago,” she admits.

“She did?”

“Yeah. She left me a voicemail, wanting to talk. I never called her back.”

“You should.”

“I know.” She blinks. “I will.”

“I still don’t think you’ve ever understood how talented you are. Even after you sold your book, you still spent so much time doubting yourself.”