Can't Look Away(113)

She studies his face—Stella’s bright blue eyes, Stella’s berry-brown skin, Stella’s bow-shaped mouth. Stella’s father. “It was so long ago, Jake. I made so many mistakes.”

“We both did.”

“She’s beautiful, isn’t she?”

“The most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” Jake’s eyes fill, and he watches Molly’s do the same. He can’t believe they’re sharing this, the knowledge that they’ve created a human life together, a little being that is half of each of them. Could anything feel more intimate?

“I couldn’t have not had her.” A tear rolls down Molly’s cheek. “I loved you too much. And I didn’t tell you because … I didn’t want you to give up music. I worried you’d resent us—I saw the way my own father resented not having the time or space to pursue his dreams in a real way, and … I guess part of me was afraid of history repeating itself.”

Jake shakes his head. “I would never have walked out like your dad did.” He smooths a loose lock of hair away from her face. “I’d have stayed with the two of you forever, Moll.”

“Don’t say that,” she whispers. “Please don’t say that.”

“I’m sorry, but it’s true.” His face falls. “But I have to take responsibility for who I was back then. I was self-centered, obviously.”

“It wasn’t just that.”

“It was the picture, wasn’t it? Of that girl kissing me in West Palm Beach? You never really trusted me after that.”

“I tried to trust you.” Molly swallows. “I thought I could. I wanted to.” She sighs. “I can’t believe it was Sabrina all along.”

“I know.” Jake feels the anger rising in his body, a powerful current that makes him feel physically unsteady. “It all adds up now. She was there that night in West Palm, you know. She came on to me. I turned her down, obviously. And I never told you because I didn’t want you to feel threatened or worried. But truthfully, a part of me always suspected she had something to do with that picture.”

“Jesus, Jake.”

“How did you figure it out? That it was Sabrina, I mean?”

Molly explains about the photograph she saw in their foyer, the name written in faded pencil on the back, how it matched the email address. “I couldn’t forget the name Lenore Smith if I tried.”

“I’m an idiot, I guess.” His leans forward, propping his forearms on his knees. “I never even knew her great-aunt was called Lenore. I don’t think Sabrina ever mentioned it. If she did, I certainly never put two and two together.”

“And then you heard what Liz said yesterday? About how Sabrina used a fake name to become friends with her? She was using Liz to get information about us, Jake.”

“I know.” Jake closes his eyes, wincing. “I can’t believe I married someone like that, Molly. I feel so fucking stupid.”

“It’s not your fault. You couldn’t have known.” Molly is quiet for a moment. “I hate her.”

He stares into his lap. “I know. Me, too.”

“I really thought she was my friend, Jake. I liked her, more than I liked any woman I’d met in Flynn Cove. She just seemed so down to earth, so honest. Maybe it was because we were both going through fertility stuff…” Molly’s heart sinks. She feels a kind of longing, tinged with remorse. “I just felt like she really got me.”

Jake’s eyebrows knit together, the line between them sharpening. “Fertility stuff?”

Molly nods. “She told me everything, how you guys have been trying for a baby since before your wedding, because of her eating disorder. The second time we met was at Dr. Ricci’s office.”

Jake groans, dropping his head in his hands. “I don’t know who Dr. Ricci is, Molly.” His tone is somber. He sounds more defeated than surprised. “She never had an eating disorder. Not that I know of, anyway. Sabrina and I weren’t trying to get pregnant.” Jake watches the shock register on Molly’s face. “She wanted to be trying, but I…” He sighs. “Well, the truth is, I don’t think I’m cut out to be anyone’s father. I think I’d be pretty terrible at it.”

“Oh, Jake. That isn’t true.”

“Well, you said it yourself.”

“What?”

“It was years ago. We were on the phone when I was on tour in Munich, and you were back in Brooklyn. You’d just told me you weren’t coming to Europe. We were fighting.” His eyes are impossibly sad.

“Oh Jake, I … I was angry. I was pregnant. I didn’t think you were ready to be a dad back then, but I didn’t mean to say that you never would be. God, I’m sorry.”

“Stop, Moll, you don’t need to apologize. I was such a jerk back then. You were right to know that you deserved better.”

“You weren’t a jerk, Jake.”

“I was arrogant.”

“Not arrogant. You were selfish. There’s a difference.”

“Is there?” He smiles dryly.

“Yes. But a lot of people are selfish in their twenties when they’re young and the whole world is up for grabs.”

“Not you.” Jake grins at the memory of Molly back then. “Somehow you managed to be so good to everyone in your life, and you followed your dreams.”