By Virtue I Fall (Sins of the Fathers #3)(39)

I could already feel the alcohol take effect, enhancing this new feeling of unbridled freedom.

When we walked home in the early morning hours, me slightly tipsy and Santino as vigilant as always, I could tell that something felt different between us. Maybe it was that Santino for once treated me like a normal woman and not a petulant child and bother. He was almost relaxed and I too felt comfortable in a way I did with very few people. Santino felt a bit like family, in the way that I knew I could trust him and be myself around him. But definitely not in a related way. Nothing about my feelings for Santino was chaste enough for that.

When we arrived in our apartment, Santino settled on the sofa with a glass of Pernod, finally off duty. I hovered in the living room, unwilling to get ready for bed, unwilling to leave, knowing in the morning things would probably be back to normal, to us fighting and Santino keeping his distance and me trying to break through it with teasing and provocation.

“Can I have one?” I asked, motioning at the milky white drink.

Santino stood and poured me a small sip of Pernod in a long drink glass before he added water, apparently the only way to enjoy Pernod.

I settled beside him on the sofa, taking the glass and sniffing at it. I’d never had this drink before and as the strong note of anis hit my nose, I was fairly certain this would be a once-in-a-lifetime experience.

Santino gave me a sardonic smile. “It’s not an easy drink.”

“I suppose it’s fitting. A complicated drink for a complicated man.” I took a sip and shuddered at the strong note of licorice and alcohol that burned my tongue. I’d need at least a gallon of water to dilute the taste. “Huh.” I blew out a deep breath and suppressed another shudder.

“That’s why you and I aren’t a good idea,” Santino said, surprising me.

I cocked an eyebrow. “Because I don’t like Pernod.”

“You said it yourself. I’m as complicated as that drink.”

“I know you, and I can handle it.”

Santino took another sip, watching me in the strangest way. I raised the glass to my lips again as well, trying to prove a point, which of course led to another wave of shudders as Pernod hit my tastebuds. Santino took the glass from me. “It’s a good thing to know when it’s enough, or when you shouldn’t even start in the first place.”

“Have you never heard of the term acquired taste? Over the years that’s happened with you.”

Santino chuckled and shook his head, muttering something under his breath. “You are God’s way to punish me on Earth, Anna.”

“Well, I’m a hell of a good time, that’s for sure.”

He laughed some more and finished his Pernod, then mine. “Go to bed.”

On any other day I would have made an inappropriate comment but this moment right there, and the whole evening felt too special to ruin it with something like that, and so I only leaned in and gave him a peck on the cheek before I stood. “Sweet dreams, Santino.”

I could feel his eyes following me as I headed into the bathroom to get ready. Inside, I took a deep breath, trying to suppress the wave of loneliness and longing I felt. I wanted to snuggle up to Santino and talk through the night. This was such a strange thing to want, but today I felt closer to him than ever before. I’d always been strongly physically attracted to him but now another layer had been added, which was disconcerting. I wasn’t sure if I wanted this new feeling to last or pass. The latter was probably the wiser choice considering everything. Emotions weren’t practical. Not when they posed a risk for the future that lay ahead of me.





Santino was already awake when I came out of my bedroom around nine the next morning. Only the hint of shadows under his eyes and an even grumpier expression than usual spoke of a long night and a little too much alcohol. I wasn’t sure how many more Pernods he’d enjoyed after I’d gone to bed.

“I need food,” I groaned as I sank down on the hard kitchen chair across from Santino.

“Good luck with that. We forgot to go grocery shopping yesterday.”

I grimaced. Mom had reminded us to go shopping before she’d left, but of course I’d forgotten it right after. I’d never had to go grocery shopping before, without Mom.

“What do we do now?” I said miserably.

Santino smirked. “We could go grocery shopping.”

“I think I’ll pass out until then. I really need to eat.”

“You’re a drama queen.”

I scowled.

“How about we head into one of these tiny cafés you’re always raving about? Croissant and a hot chocolate will cure your hangover.”

I gave him a pleased smile. “Sounds like a plan. Let me get ready.”

I put on a cute dress, an oversized cashmere sweater, cashmere chunky cable knit leg warmers and suede boots, and braided my hair before I put a beret hat on.

Santino glanced at his watch when I emerged. “Thirty minutes? I thought you needed food ASAP.”

“We’re heading into a café in Paris. I can’t go in sweatpants.”

Santino rose to his feet. “Alllrrriggghtt.”

Despite his grumbling, I didn’t miss the appreciation in his eyes as he scanned me. I looked cute, even if he would never admit it aloud.

We strolled through the street side by side, the winter sun kissing our faces. On occasion, our arms brushed and it felt marvelous. “I think we’re pretty good together. You can tell that people think we’re a cute couple.” It was a thought that hadn’t left me all night.