By Virtue I Fall (Sins of the Fathers #3)(32)

Clifford pulled two cigarettes from the pocket in his pants and offered one to me, but I quickly shook my head. Even if staff was currently too busy for a break, they might poke their head out to check on us and I didn’t want them to see me smoking. This would undoubtedly reach my parents’ ears in record time and then I’d be in a whole world of trouble.

Clifford gave a knowing smile. “Keeping up appearances, I get it.” He lit his cigarette and took a deep drag.

“Let me take a quick pull,” I said.

He held out his cigarette to me and I took a deep drag before he put it back in his mouth. “Everyone probably thinks we’re exchanging spittle in a different way right now.”

“Would you prefer that?”

Clifford thought about that then shook his head. “Last time was a bit of a turn-off,” he said with a laugh.

“Santino won’t act like that again, especially at our engagement party.”

“I’m seeing someone anyway, so I can’t kiss anyone else.”

My eyebrows shot up. “You’re dating someone.” I’d taken sleeping around into consideration but a relationship? That really posed the risk of Clifford going into our marriage in love with someone else. The odds definitely wouldn’t be in our favor then.

“Not dating. We’re friends with benefits, but we agreed to be exclusive for the time being.”

I pursed my lips. My experiences with relationships were limited but this sounded like dating, even if they didn’t call it by that name. A rose by another name is still a rose, right? “So you’re getting along well, have sex, and are faithful to each other… that’s dating where I come from.”

“Does anyone in your world really date?”

I narrowed my eyes.

“Like I said we both don’t want a relationship.”

“Does she know about me? It’ll be all over the news tomorrow.”

“She knows.”

“You didn’t tell her about the deal, right?” That was top secret after all.

“No, I told her we’re in an open relationship because we know we’re too young to commit fully but so madly in love that we know we’re endgame.”

I snorted, couldn’t help it. “I hope this doesn’t backfire and you’ll be heartbroken when you have to marry me and are in love with your friend with benefits.”

“I could say the same to you, right? Only you have a bodyguard with benefits.”

I tensed. “There’s nothing between Santino and I.”

Clifford’s expression made it clear that he didn’t believe me.

“I’m not lying. We don’t sleep with each other and we definitely aren’t in love.”

Technically neither was a lie. I had the tiniest crush that I had every intention of killing very soon.

“Maybe that’s true. But I remember the way he looked at you when he caught us kissing, and today again when we announced our engagement. He wants you.”

I shook my head.

“Maybe he doesn’t want to admit it because you’re off limits, but trust me, he wants you, and I can tell that you wouldn’t say no.”

I shrugged. “So what, you said I could have fun.”

“Definitely. Just make sure it stays that, just fun.”

“Don’t worry.”





When the guests finally left late that night, I could finally breathe a sigh of relief. It had been a long day. I wasn’t sure what I’d thought I would feel after I got engaged to Clifford, maybe a stronger sense of peace with my future. But my conversation with Clifford today hadn’t laid my worries to rest. He and I were bound by duty, not by emotions. He had someone he enjoyed spending time with and I had to trust that he wouldn’t get emotionally attached and either cancel our marriage or enter it being in love with someone else.

I didn’t try to dwell on the part of me that hoped Clifford would break our bond at some point. That wouldn’t reflect well on the Outfit. I put on my pajamas but was too restless for sleep so I snuck out of my room, hoping I wouldn’t cross paths with Mom and Dad. Mom would definitely want to talk to me after my engagement. If today hadn’t been as busy as it was, she probably would already have taken me aside for a talk. She wanted to make sure I was okay, and I wasn’t sure I was in a state of mind to lie as convincingly as a conversation with Mom about Clifford required.

I hurried across the hall to Leonas’s room. I knocked, then waited impatiently.

“Who is it?”

“It’s me,” I hissed, glancing up and down the hallway nervously. I could hear voices downstairs. Mom and Dad were probably still discussing the day’s events.

“Come in!”

I slipped in and closed the door.

Leonas perched on his windowsill, his legs dangling outside, a cigarette in his mouth. He threw a glance over his shoulder. He was still in his dress shirt and elegant pants but had dropped his tie and jacket on the floor.

“If I were Dad, you’d be in major trouble,” I said as I closed the door and walked toward him.

“Dad always knocks. You are the only one who doesn’t knock.” He took another drag.

“I did knock this time,” I muttered. Now that Leonas was getting older, I was protecting myself by knocking. I didn’t want to catch him doing things I’d never be able to erase from my mind.